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Wow. What a pain. I could tell you how I would handle this, but you seem like a really nice girl. You've got a good guy though. (Good looking out with the shower issue). Good luck with her, I've got my own! Haha
@RobynB: yeah I'm really glad he said something... I just wish she seemed excited about our engagment. She knew what weekend it was going to happen, and we tried calling her 6 or 7 times before we got a hold of her...
I agree, plain and simple, she sounds like a total bitch. This just seems like something that you are going to have to deal with, but sounds like your FI is totally worth it, so as long as YOU remember that, you will be ok! : ) Don't let her ruin your wedding planning, and if you haven't seen that movie Monster-In-Law (typical chick flick with JLo and Jane Fonda, but it is amusing), you might want to watch it, I think you would get a laugh out of it!
You say she's 60+, so I think the majority of it is her age. You know, they older ones are "set in their ways". Best of luck to you! Just don't let her negativity and pestering stand in the way of a blissful like for you and FH!
@jayelcee85: it's very possible that it's just her age... I mean we are about 35 years apart in age...
I did try and talk to FI about some of it. He thinks I read too much into it. That his mom doesn't articulate herself well, and is in his words "not all there all the time" I think which might be true, since I've always felt she didn't really like me, but was like ok this is who he picked I'll deal. I think she's 1. not thrilled FI didn't wait till he was 30 to get married like she said he should do. and 2. to her defense she has had a rough year, FI father passed away in March, so I def understand how her son's engagement could be bitter sweet.
I need to find some way to not take what she says seriously and just laugh it off or just not care at all what she says and be happy eating my chocolate sprinkle doughnuts... (it was really good btw)
Wrote FMIL an email saying that my mom and I were going dress shopping and it would be nice if she was there...and that there was a FREE tasting for a caterer we're seriously considereing, and that it would be a perfect thing for FI, me, and our moms to do together...and she just wrote me a long unorganized e-mail stating everything she has had going on for the last two months...in a word she said no... well I can't include someone who obviously does not want to be included....
Next time she does that with a doughnut, you look right at her, take a huge bite and say, "OMG, the cholesterol is so freaking good, you have no idea. Good thing you don't eat this stuff cause I'm not sharing,"
Seriously. What a B.
Your mother in law sounds awesome. I love how some MIL's like to inject their "wisdom" into every conversation. At some point, you have to learn to laugh at how ridiculous it is and vow never to be like that. :)
I love the idea of being presented by a father with the line "she gives herself freely but with my/our blessing", unfortunetly, my dad did not!
I think your FMIL and my MIL might be related. She is fulll of what I think are passive agressive and just plain mean comments sometimes. I try not to take them too seriously and blame it on the slight language barrier. According to her no one is as good as her family. She always goes on and on about how perfect her daughter is (over 6' tall, skinny, blonde, blue eyes, was a lawyer until quitting to have her first baby, married to a well-known olympian in Sweden...blah blah blah). I always joke that the only way her son's marriage could stand out was if my DH has married a princess (and I'm not exactly a hideous looking, worthless toad).
As for the food comments...omg! She is in her mid-50s and a very petite person. She works out everyday (like serious workouts) and hardly eats any carbs. She made a comment about hoping my wedding dress fit because I bought it in July '09 (wedding was June '10) when I was visiting my family in the states. She hears about foods that I love and miss from the States and comments on how unhealthy they must be.
The only advice I can give is just smile and nod :) My one comforting thought in my situation is soon we will be living back in the US and have an ocean between us!
Wow, she sounds like a pain. Just try to tune her out, thats the only thing you can do and just be glad that she doesn't live closer. She would really drive you up a wall. Kudos to your guys for standing up for you and good luck
She should not have said that about the ex. That is really inconsiderate. And who cares if she has a nice body...your man loves your body...not his mom's.
hahha anytime i joke about FH's bad habits, my FMIL will say, "he didn't learn that from me. i didn't raise him that way." i always want to say, "well somebody did, and he lived with you for the first 26 years of his life!"
@artichokey: That is hilarious!
Update: Fi wanted to go to his mom's house this weekend and stay overnight. I told him I'd do a day trip but not overnight. I was just really annoyed with her after the last weekend, and the wedding dress shopping rejection e-mail. FI basically made me tell him why..... So we had the whole TALK last night... he agreed that some of the comments that she shouldn't have been said. He said that she doesn't think about what she says before she says it. He was also saying how we shoudln't get married if I think his mom hates me, and if I hate her. I had to explain to him that I don't hate her and I don't think she hates me. I think we're just different people. I think she's lives a very different lifestyle when it comes to shopping, eating and life in general. Our main difference is that when we're with each other, as FI says it "she feels comfortable being herself" even if that means coming off blunt and offensive. Where I always try to put my best foot forward, watch what I say so everyone has a good time. It was how I was brought up, that you do things to be nice, even if its not what you want to do, because it's what you should do. Isn't that what being polite is??? Hopefully we find some sort of balance between now and the wedding...
@divergirl: Umm? "If my mom hates you and vice-versa, we shouldn't get married?" Excuse me!?! I am really angry by his comment. What the f**? How does THAT solve the problem!? 
She sounds like a nightmare mother in law! 
Does your fiance stick up for you? Shes prob upset because your taking her baby away from her. But those comments are unnecessary! Stay positive!
I know a lot of little things can add up quick, especially when you're stressed, but some of your complaints seem petty. She sounds annoying, but I don't think complaining about the drive or giving her taste in jewelry and feminism was intended to insult you. I think she was trying to get to know you (or trying to get you to get to know her!)
Some of the other stuff, ex and diet, i get. Either your fiance is right and she doesn't think before she speaks (ex), she was testing you, or she has very strong beliefs (i suspect about the dieting). I have a feeling she won't stop making those food comments anytime soon.
As for your fiance's comment, guys can be dense sometimes. The point is can you live with her (well, not with her) for the rest of your life without constant conflict? No one wants that. Just relax. It could always be worse.
Try not to let her get to you, because she's not going to change. Her unhappiness is her problem, not yours.
My FMIL does a lot of that kind of crap too. I'm very unconventional, and she's the exact opposite so we butt heads a lot. She's still reeling over the fact that there will be NO arranged family portraits at the wedding! Thank god SO was the one to break that to her!
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Ok so we just had a visit from FI's mom... you might remember some other posts I've written about things being tense between us, in that we really don't have anything in common other than gardening and FI.
So she just left from our visit...and I'm just really annoyed and need a place to vent.
So yesterday she came, didn't call to tell us when she would be arriving so we basically sat around all morning and early afternoon. For the first hour she was here, she complained that the should have been a 2 hr drive was closer to 3. but she waited to leave at 12, and it was goregous here, and traffic is to be expected when you're going to the coast on a nice weekend. So she asked to see my ring, that FI did do a nice job, but diamonds aren't her taste, and she prefers a plain band because she's just hard on her jewlery.. ok whatever.. She also made a couple comments how she hopes FI doesn't have to pay this expensive ring off for a very long time.. again whatever...
Here's where things start heading south... FMIL has a very large family who live back east. We are planning a fall wedding, and some family memebers can't make it. One of her sisters e-mailed FI and said well if we can't attend the wedding, maybe we could come out and throw you a shower that summer. FI talked about it, and since I haven't met a lot of them, and it's been a while since he's visited, we thought maybe we'd go out there during the summer, and IF they wanted to, could do a wedding party or something. FMIL was like I don't think this is a good idea, and traditionally it's the BRIDE and her family that does the shower. Luckily FI chimed in and was said the aunt was the one who offered, and it wasn't us, and it wasn't like we are demanding one.
Then we go to dinner...she asks a couple of wedding questions about colors and place etc. She asks if my dad is going to walk me down. I'm thinking "umm of course" (I'm very close to my family which she knows) I just said "Yes, he'd be very hurt if I didn't, and I already have a male maid of honor, so I can't be to non traditional (just to be kind of funny and lighten it up) she's like well when I got married I was very feminist and I just couldn't have my dad give me away, because I was already a grown woman.. (ok whatev...) Then we're talking about how FI and I met and the different occurances that happened. So FI was friends with his ex when we met...and almost ruined us getting together (which is why she got brought up) and FMIL is like I really like FI's ex...and she will always have a special place in my heart.. I'm like thinking REALLY? It's been 5 years we've been together...I doubt she's seen his ex since they were together.... did she really need to say that...
I just find myself being so self concisous around her... Not to mention she's 60+ and has a better body than I do! To make it worse, I can't even eat what I want with her around anymore, she's always making comments about the food we have in the house is so unnutritious and how everything I make is so "rich" and how she'll have to live on vegetables when she goes home. FI had bought me a doughnut for me this morning, and the dog was smelling it and I was like "oh dog you can't eat that it would be chocolate death" because dogs can't process chocolate, and she says "not to mention the sugar and cholesterol." OMG I couldn't eat it until she left... FML