Post # 1
So, my fiance and I got engaged June of this summer. We have a June 2010 wedding planned and We have been planning all fall and are really enjoying it! Both of our parents are excited and couldn’t be happier. Then just Last month his younger brother also got engaged and are planning to get married in August of 2010. We couldn’t be happier they have been together for 4 years and was about time!!!
So over break We worked on our save the dates with my future sis in law who, her fiance which is my fiances brother. The family helped and it was a good time. My FMIL acted like she didn’t want anything to do with it. A couple had joined us for dinner that day, that none of us had met before and my FMIL was so excited to share the wedding news of my FBIL that she didn’t even mention us! When my fiance mentioned it she said oh goodness i completely forgot.
I’ve asked her time and time again if she wanted to join me in wedding planning and she’s always had something going. Shes retired, she has time… I’ve been noticing since the FBIL’s engagement she’s really backed off from us.
Everytime we talk to her it’s about the FBIL’s wedding, and my fiance didn’t notice it until last night over the phone when he called her to see if she looked at our website. She quickly said no and went off about FBIL’s Reception hall they looked at. I’m talking a 25 minute rant about all this stuff that a lot of couples go through with pricing and decorating and what not. I wish I just knew if she’s leaning more their way because they are getting married in THEIR neck of the woods and we are getting married where my Fiance and I live, 2 hrs away. They are getting married in FMIL church they grew up in and the whole shabang. I just all of a sudden feel like I did something wrong that she wont’ even talk to me about our plans.
She’s such a sweet lady but, when she forgot to mention us getting married to the couple that hurt! I’m not one to crave attention by ANY means, but when your forgotten by your own family, it’s not fair! Am i being unreasonable?
Post # 3
You aren’t being unreasonable. Is she more involved in their wedding planning or helping to pay for it? That can be the only thing I can think of. The same exact thing has happened with us, but we live 3000 miles away from FBIL and FMIL so, I can understand why she is much more involved with their planning.
I think that this might be something that you FI should discuss with her. While you are thrilled for FBIL and his FI and love hearing their wedding plans, your FI might mention that you are feeling a little pushed to the side. It’s possible that your FMIL doesn’t even realize that she is doing this.
Post # 4
Hmm. Sounds like it is possible she is being a little passive aggressive about the fact that you’re not marrying in her church, near where she lives, etc., which is totally unfair if that is the case.
Post # 5
The only thing that comes to mind is that they are getting married potentially down where they are from. But it’s not like she is going with them and helping, I invited my FMIL to dress try ons, mine and BM’s, also to help find a veil. You name it. The only one she came to was the BM’s trying on dresses because she happened to be in the area.
My FSIL hasn’t asked her to help with anything, granted they don’t have a date even. But everytime we all get together she is always asking them questions a bout theirs andwanting to be included in theirs. It just hurts, especially when i dont have my mom around anymore.
Post # 6
Oh wow, I didn’t realize that you didn’t have your own mom to help out. Wow, that must really be tough.
I think this is something your FI needs to address with her.
Post # 7
I kind of know what you mean. My In-Laws haven’t done that, but sometimes I hate it when people who know we’re getting married introduce us as eachother’s boyfriend or girlfriend. I know it’s silly but we’re more serious than that now, and I would like that to be acknowledged. I would say that you or your fiance should talk to her and say something along the lines of “we know you’re buys with FBIL’s wedding, but we would really like your input in our wedding as well. This wedding is supposed to be about both families and we would like to feel like everyone is involved.”
I hope it all works out! good luck!
Post # 8
Ooopss, that came out bad. My mom is around however we had a falling out years ago due to family things. sorry. I love my mom for being my mom, didn’t mean for it to come out that way. She has helped very little and i guess I dont expect it from her, which i suppose is fine with me.