- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
I just need to vent to you guys and hopefully you can offer me some advice on how to deal with this…
A little background on FI’s mom. She has a good job and has nothing to show for it–she doesn’t own a house or a car, doesn’t go on trips (except to Vegas), nothing. She gambles it all away at the slot machines and owns 300 pairs of shoes. She declared bankruptcy a couple years back and still calls her 82-yr-old mom every day begging for money. Her mom paid her bankruptcy lawyer and bought her a car, and she’s still completely broke and won’t admit it’s because of her secret gambling addiction.
My mom (who makes significantly less than FI’s mom) is paying for most of our wedding. She is now taking out loans to help us pay for the wedding and she’s contributing over $20k to the ceremony, reception, my dress, photography, a party the next day, flowers, music, etc. She told me she’s completely stretched her budget and she can’t pay for stuff like honeymoon, invitations, hair/makeup, limo, and video. FMIL told FI way back when we got engaged (in Feb 2010) that she would pay for rehearsal dinner and our honeymoon. I was skeptical, FI was thrilled.
So it’s getting down to the wire. FI already booked a (quite expensive) honeymoon on the assumption that his mom will pay. Well, we go to see her on X-mas and she starts BSing me about how she doesn’t like where we’re going on HM, she can’t possibly pay for a whole expensive rehearsal dinner, how maybe she can just buy gifts for my bridesmaids (wtf?). She tells me she thought my mom was rich and would just pay for whatever we want if she didn’t come through. Obviously, this is not true. FI has been telling her for close to a year that rehearsal dinners START at $1500+ and that our honeymoon, which we already put a $1000 deposit on, is $6000. We tried to calmly explain to her that we are not begging her for $, we just want her to be honest and tell us ASAP if she is still planning to help. She launches into a diatribe about how FI doesn’t appreciate her, how she took him on trips when he was a kid, etc etc.
I don’t know what to do. I had been telling FI for months that he needed to confirm with his mom if she was actually giving us $, and he said every time he tried she’d act horrified and completely offended that he would even ask, which in turn made me look bad. Now we’re in this position. We have jobs, but we also have a mortgage and bills and we’d been budgeting for other things we need such as invitations, STDs, hotel rooms, video, and transportation.
I don’t know what to do. I love FI with all my heart but his mom may be the death of me.