Post # 1
I’ve been getting frustrated with my Future Mother-In-Law lately. I think she has ADHD, or something, but she puts EVERYTHING off and forgets just as much. When it comes to needing her help with wedding-related things, it is nearly impossible to get her to cooperate.
The big issue right now lies with FI’s grandparents’ accomodations/travel arrangements to our wedding. We’re getting married 4.5 hours away. FI’s grandpa can, but will not drive there because he “doesn’t know how to get there”. Long ago, the Future In-Laws agreed they would be paying for a hotel room for FI’s grandparents. The wedding is in two months, and no such hotel room has been reserved. The other day, I asked Future Mother-In-Law about it and she… started singing. So, I have no idea where these people are going to stay and how they’re even gonna get to and from the wedding. Anytime I talk about it, Future Mother-In-Law just says, “Yeah, we need to figure that out.” Then changes the subject. Or, she’ll start singing or something. At this point, I give up on worrying about it. My one and only grandparent has made his own arrangements to attend my wedding. FI’s grandparents are going to have to be his and his parents’ concern.
Post # 3
@Pinksapphire: GAH! Frustrating!
I would do my best not to worry about it; it’s their problem. If they come to you right before the wedding and need help, I would just nicely say that you’re really sorry, but you don’t have time to help them and they are going to have to do it themselves.
Post # 4
Weird! Sorry you have to deal with this, but I completely agree with @ArwenBride, not your problem. You’re the bride and shouldn’t have to worry about making other people’s travel arrangements…you have enough to deal with already!
Post # 5
It sounds clear she does not want you asking her again and again( at least it sounds on purpose). I agree with pp. Just let her do it, it’s not your job to worry about it!
Post # 6
I agree that it’s not something you have to worry about as it’s not your responsibility, but I also would worry…is it something that Fiance can talk to her about and pin her down on? Maybe he knows how to deal with her better. Good luck!
Post # 7
@bricon: I haven’t asked her again and again. FI’s grandma has called sad and crying multiple times because she doesn’t have a set-in-stone ride down to the wedding or hotel accomodations made yet. She called yesterday and asked about it, again. So, I said to Future Mother-In-Law, “You and (FFIL) need to decide which hotel you want them to stay at, and I’ll book the room.” After I said that she said, “Yeah, we need to figure it out.” So, I told her a couple of hotel options and she started singing. She is very avoidant about stuff and won’t do things until the last possible minute. If you try to get her to do something in a decent time frame, she does all she can to avoid it.
Apparently the Future In-Laws are supposed to be renting a car for someone to be able to drive FI’s grandparents down in. Well, hotels and car rentals have to be done in advance. I have gotten prices on everything, but Future Mother-In-Law won’t take the next step in reserving anything. So, there is nothing more I can do. I can’t just take her credit card and make the reservations myself! But, when everyone talks about it to me, it’s like they are expecting me to do something. It’s weird.
I’ll be minding my own business and FMIL/FFIL will say, “(FI’s grandma) called, we need to reserve their room and figure out who is driving them down there.” Like I am supposed to be deciding all of this ON TOP of planning my entire wedding alone. Then, I’ll go over hotels and price options, and they’ll drop the subject.
Post # 8
@kate02121: I’ve tried to get Fiance to handle this. But, Future Mother-In-Law is the same with everyone. When Fiance or Future Father-In-Law try to get her to do anything, if they push her on it, she starts yelling at them and makes up a million excuses about why she doesn’t want to do it then. Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law own a business, and Future Father-In-Law often gets frustrated because Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t take care of things properly, due to her avoidant/procrastinating personality. So, for the most part, I haven’t looked to her for anything where it pertains to wedding planning. I just ask her to hand me the photo albums or if I can use her printer, etc. I never ask for her help. But, with this situation, the room and car need to be reserved with her credit card. She and Future Father-In-Law also need to really come to a conclusion on what they’re wanting to spend on all of this, too. I can’t just get the credit card and reserve stuff, or I would and we’d be done with it. They’re gonna wanna debate over which hotel room is best, then which rental car is more suitable and for how long they want to rent it. I’ve just resolved to let this no longer be a concern of mine, because I have too much to worry with.
Post # 9
lol yeah…..my Future In-Laws seemed shocked that I wasn’t tracking down addresses of their friends and relatives for them for invitations despite the fact that I don’t know any of them and they gave me a lot of nicknames instead of names making it even harder to track down. Their reasoning? “Well it will be hard for us to look those all up, we don’t know the addresses off the top of our heads”….but I do??? At least you might know the correct city or state to tell people with the same name apart!!!
The fact that your Future Mother-In-Law starts singing when this or other issues come up is 1 part hilarious 1 part sad and 1 part utterly confusing lol. But it also means she is intentionally dodging it, probably hoping you’ll handle it. I’d tell Fiance that you are not handling it, and he better or make his mom handle it.
I think people honestly don’t realize/remember the sheer amount of time and effort that wedding planning takes, or they think you’re just wedding planning and forget you’re working/studying/doing all the other stuff in your life that needs to happen
Post # 10
@Pinksapphire: If it makes you feel better my Future Mother-In-Law informed me that FI’s ONLY living grandparent… his grandmother who goes on the roof, does gardening, etc… is too “frail” to fly a few hours to attend our wedding! It will work out, I’m sure!
Post # 11
You know, the first thought that popped into my head was “is this HER MIL?”
Maybe shes sabotaging for the sake that SHE doesnt want to be with her MIL?