Post # 1
I’ve written before about my Future Mother-In-Law and I always thought that with communication everything would be resolved, but I’ve come to find out that she really doesnt like me. My Fiance lives with his parents for a few more months and he gets in an argument on a regular basis with her because she is always mad or hurt by something I do or don’t do. For example, this past weekend it was my birthday and my Fiance and I went to the beach for the day. A few days later Fiance was talking to his dad and mom about the trip and mentions that he loved the view from my parents’ beach house. His mom then freaks out and claims that she doesnt like me becuase we hid the fact that we stopped at the beach house. she also said that I should’ve asked for permission before taking the trip and even cosidering stopping anywhere but the beach because thats what we told her we were going.
She also went on to say that I always roll my eyes at her when we talk (which i’ve never done). She always seems to be very nice and gracious in person, but I’ve always sort of known that she didn’t care for me much.
I’m not sure what we should do about her. Should I bring it up to her? I just really don’t want her to be treating him like a child forever. I definitely don’t want to give in to her requests but I’m not sure how to handle this relationship with her…. any advice??
I’m not the one being difficult right?
Post # 3
Get your guy to move out and get some distance. Most people shouldn’t live with their parents after a certain age or it put a strain on the relationship. I think if both of you can get some distance from her it’s help a ton.
Post # 4
It doesn’t seem like you’re the one being difficult it seems like she has a problem with how you do things in general that involve her son, her baby boy.
When my FI’s mother was still alive she wasn’t as brasin as your Future Mother-In-Law is being but she would make off the shoulder comments like, “He’s my baby, you’ll have a hard time taking him away from me.” I learned that it was about being polite in her company, having an open line of communication with her, listening to her, and trying to include her in small aspects of our lives, we wouldn’t bring her anywhere but we would sit and tell her about things we’ve done together or things we will be doing soon together. This seemed to quiet his mother down, I’d like to think it would work for you…..but…..
I don’t know, it seems there will be times where she will still say snarky comments, and you may never please her but maybe you can quiet her down a bit….*wishful thinking* Remember that as long as you do what you can to try and please her then you’re the one in the clear, you’re the one who does not have to answer to her ridiculous demands and you’ll have people stand by you when they see you are trying to make an effort with her and she ends up still being a brat to you.
Post # 5
His mom then freaks out and claims that she doesnt like me becuase we hid the fact that we stopped at the beach house. she also said that I should’ve asked for permission before taking the trip and even cosidering stopping anywhere but the beach because thats what we told her we were going.
…Assuming he’s over the age of 17, what the fuck?
Post # 7
@vorpalette: Ok good, glad everyone agreees this is weird. He is almost 23. we have lived in boston 3,000 miles away from them for 4 years and taken numours trips together. He is an officer in the army and will be leaving in a few short months to lead a group of men!! I mean, I don’t know why she doesn’t realize that he isn’t a child anymore.
We did start dating when I was 15 and he was 17 and of course she was very controlling, but I always thought that as we got older things would change….but they haven’t.
Should I bring it up to her that I think its weird or just let it go?
*sorry for all the spelling mistakes. stupid stick y keyboard
Post # 8
@MissMeeksy: Honestly, it’s not your place to bring this up to her. This is your FI’s job.
She’s at a time when the “empty nest syndrome” is creeping up on her. She is used to treating him like a child, because that’s what he’s been for most of his life. He’s a new adult, and this is new to her too. He’s going to have to teach her boundaries, and enforce them in his new adulthood. It’s going to be painfully annoying at first while she adjusts to what he is willing to accept, and what he will not tolerate from her. Just be supportive of him as he tries to do this, and try to be patient.
I’d have a chat with him about it though to make sure you guys are on the same page in expectations.
Until he moves out though, it’s going to be rough. She will still see him as a child as long as she is providing the roof over his head.
Post # 9
@StuporDuck: You’re totally right, but for some reason I still feel like there is something deeper going on here. Fiance and I had the talk and we’re on the same page. He even considered moving out. He has a well paying job and can afford to do it, we had just planned on him living with her until we move to Georgia for his job in a few months. Seemed like a good idea to save money, but it is definitely coming at a price.
Tonight I went over for dinner and she went on and on about how many times she had gotten together with her other son’s girlfriend over the summer while she was in town. She was only in town for a week or so over the span of 3 months and they watched 5 movies at the theater together. I’ve been trying to get together with her to talk about wedding stuff, get me her guestlist so that I can send out save-the-dates, etc. , but she always said she was busy or would get back to me. i’ve gotten together with her 2x over the past 3 months for 30 mins or less each time because she claims that she is “busy”.
She also won’t go to the church to sign the freedom to marry documents. We were supposed to go this weekend, but she claimed she would be out of town…
After I left their house I just cried the entire drive home. I guess I just feel so hurt because I’ve tried so hard to get to know her, but she doesn’t seem to be interested.
Fiance thinks that his mom just connect with his brother’s girlfriend better because she is immature and is easily manipulated by her. He says that his mom is used of people in their early twenties still being childlish and she likes that FBIL’s girlfriend is “still having fun”. I on the other hand am finishing my degree, working, and helping to raise my nephew (moving toward adoption because my sister is mentally ill) and she finds it hard to relate to me.
Sorry for the long post 🙁