Post # 1
i have seen lots of post like this so i know im not the only one having problems ..
I try my best to be nice but all through the relationship with her son she has said things like call my family fat or told her son he cant marry me , and his sisters say I look like I have been to prison because I have tattoos ( they are colourful and very well done and me and me fiancée love them so ha! )
When we started taking about getting married and engaged she said love isn’t about a ring and called me a gold digger,,, the next day she went out and got her self a knew very expensive wedding ring !
Well after 4 and a half years we are engaged and used a ring from my mum that I love! Well we have started wedding planing and she keeps blowing it off like it not going to happen I ask her about stuff and she says its years away so she doesn’t care its in 2014 .. then I told her I have a venue in mind and she said its to far away (20 mins from home) I told here we were going to look at it and invited her along and she said no . Then when I saw her next she tried to talk me in to a venue that I didn’t like and was far to expensive for us ! she is also trying to invite so many of here family when she know I will only have my close family there as my family moved from the other side of the world . I only want a small wedding ..
Sorry for the long rant but what did you ladies do to get over these kinds of problems
And how can I tell her I don’t want to back out of my venue and that there will only be 40 guest !
Post # 3
Well my advice is not nice advice but unfortunately it has to be that way when dealing with a total bitch…. Sorry for the language I use….
But if she doesn’t want to be involved don’t let her be. Don’t tell her any information now until its booked and then only in passing as like “oh we booked this place for this date” no more asking her for opinions because you really don’t need to hear her crap and have to deal with this nastiness.
Also as for invite list give her a max number of ppl she can invite or better yet don’t ask her and get your SO to write up his sides list, I’m sure he knows which of his family he wants there.
And if you do talk about anything with her and she still tries to argue or give unwanted nasty opinions just reply with a polite ” oh that’s just not us for our wedding day and I don’t think we’ll be doing that” and take the more mature and higher path than her.
Best of luck for all your planning, hopefully she pulls whatever stick is up her ass and stops acting like a total d-bag…. Again sorry for the namecalling language…
Post # 4
I wouldn’t talk wedding with her because it isn’t her wedding. If she isn’t paying then she doesn’t get a say, and that goes for the guest list as well.
Post # 5
Sorry you have to deal with that. I agree that you should just stop sharing information with her. You & your FI should plan the wedding YOU want and can afford. The only way she gets a say is if she is paying.
Post # 6
Where’s your fiance in all of this? Is he aware of what his mother says to you – does it ever happen in front of him? It’s time to get a plan of action going for how you’re going to deal with her going forward. He needs to take the lead there and train her on how to treat you – unfortunately, this appears to have gone on for years now. He needs to be aware of every single misstep she makes.
Don’t invite her to anything dealing with the wedding, or anything else in your life, ever again – at least not until she can at least behave in a civil manner toward you. But what matters most here is your FI. If he’s just going to make excuses for her, tell you to just ‘deal’ with it or accept her as she is – run the other way and don’t get married.
I’ve dated men like that – who make no effort to protect you from toxicity – and it likely means nothing but a future divorce is in your future. In-laws are increasingly cited as reasons in divorce cases.
Minimizing your contact and exposure to such a spiteful person is a step toward divorce-proofing your marriage.
Post # 7
@MrsPadlock2B: “But if she doesn’t want to be involved don’t let her be. Don’t tell her any information now until its booked and then only in passing as like “oh we booked this place for this date” no more asking her for opinions because you really don’t need to hear her crap and have to deal with this nastiness.”
I also think your FI needs to say something to her the next time she treats you this way in front of him, or he needs to have a private talk with her and tell her, that her behaviour is not acceptable!
Post # 8
Echo. Don’t involve her.
I am reminded of an old John Candy movie, “Only the Lonely” if your FI won’t stick up for you…
Post # 9
@Mischka: 100% agree it would be hard for the FI to be in the middle but mine wouldn’t let me be treated like this and he needs to be supportive for his fiancé. He doesn’t need to get mean like his mother but just firmly put his foot down so she knows where he stands and say this woman is the one I choose to marry, I love her and you need to be respectful in how you treat her because its not acceptable…. Totally felt like supernanny then lol
Post # 10
@MrsPadlock2B: Totally agree, you gave this bee the peferct advice!
Post # 11
@MrsPadlock2B: “This woman is the one I choose to marry, I love her and you need to be respectful in how you treat her because its not acceptable.”
Exactly! I would have expected my FI-to-be to have already done this by now.
OP, has your fiancé ever spoken to her about this situation?
Post # 12
thank you for all your help 🙂 today i booked our venue . im so happy and my fi loves it to
Post # 13
Tell straight up, don’t beat around the bush, if you don’t tell her asap, she might verbally invite people… and make sure to have a witness when you tell her, so she cant say it never happened, or that you are lying