(Closed) FMIL INSISTS on Rehersal Dinner

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Absolute:  Can you do some sort of nice dinner the night before maybe for family and wedding party that are in the are the night before and then separate brunch (one for GM and one for BM) the morning of? OR maybe she will be willing to fit the bill for some of the WP to stay in a hotel the night before (if they can) so she can have her traditional dinner?

Edit: I completely feel your pain with the contributing to more practical things…my FMIL refuses to contribute a dime to the wedding bc she says that my step-dad makes a lot of money and he should do it. My step dad!! Which is fine if she doesn’t want to pay, but then she tells is she wants to throw a 4krehearsal dinner. Which will be pretty much nicer than myreception.  And since we are paying most of the wedding ourselves that money could really be used other places. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

To be honest, I would just let her have her rehearsal dinner. A lot of mother of the grooms feel left out of wedding planning (even if she decided not to help because of ‘tradition’), and it’s possible she’s been looking forward to this for a while now. Even if the bridal party can’t make it, don’t stress. Just think of it as the FILs wanting to treat you and your fiance to dinner 🙂

Post # 5
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Tell her exactly how many people WON’T be able to make it (including her own son!).  If she still wants to throw a groom-less, wedding party-less rehearsal dinner, just let her.  But make sure she understands that since it’s her party, she’ll be the one to handle the invitations, reservations/arrangements, etc.  It’s too late in the game to expect you to handle those details.  Once she realizes what she’s getting herself into, she might relent.  And if not, well, you have to eat anyway, right?

Post # 7
Member
5065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

If she wants to treat you to a dinner then I would let her.

Post # 8
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She can’t force you to do any of those things.  Just tell her no.  If she wants to have a RD so badly, she can make it happen.

Post # 11
Member
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Absolute:  So, if she wants you to do all that stuff, then it doesn’tappear to me that her wanting to have one is related to her not bwing involved in the planning. So, then your fiancé needs to tell her flat out that unless she plans it and has it near your house (not venue) and expects that the WP won’t be there then it isn’t feasible. 

ETA: just read your other posts…now I don’t know what you should do. But I would call her bluff about the family not coming if there is no traditional dinner. Or just plan one near your house and if no one shows up, oh well. 

Post # 12
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

@sportsgal31:  totally agree with you!

 

OP, I think the MIL is just being weird and, I think like how brdie’s go completely antsy days before the wedding so do MILs. Mine insisted she host a BBQ the day after and also that traditions in the family include baking fruitcakes, even though FI insists it didn’t happen at his first wedding. And she wanted the fruitcakes to be our favours…lol

Oh gosh, how do us brides even get through this with sanity? The wedding planning-that’s the real test of how strong a marriage will be. lol!!!!

 

Good luck with her, whatever you decide.

Post # 13
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Personally, I’d call her bluff.  But you have to do what’s right for you and your FI.

Post # 14
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We had a “rehearsal dinner” the Thursday night before our wedding in our town (about 30 miles from our venue), we didn’t actually rehearse anything and though FILs paid for it we had to organize it.  It was relatively stress free though, I just called a local Chinese restaurant, they gave a few options for  family-style meals, we picked what we wanted and then showed up.  Our bridal party and family members were invited by phone.  I recommend trying something like that as a compromise – tell her that it will have to be 2 days before the wedding in your home town, and don’t bother with any “planning” beyond making reservations at a restaurant :). Also, have your FI handle all the negotiations with his mother, stay out of it as much as possible.  Hope it works out!

Post # 15
Member
5423 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2012

“because its tradition” isnt a feasible reason.  clearly it would cause a huge mess and be an inconvience.  not too mention its not really necessary. 

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