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Well, you have some time since this issue would come up again. When your MOH and bms begin planning, I guess I would clue them in to your dilemma since they'll be handling inviting people, etc.
Maybe she won't bring it up again as the time comes closer?
Who is planning your bachelorette party? Assuming it's your MOH - make sure your MOH knows your FMIL is NOT invited. IF FMIL asks, tell her your MOH is planning a night/weekend with your girlfriends. If she invites herself, tell her it's a time for you and your friends and you'd love to see her another time (and then make plans to spend girly time with her).
I afree with jennifer-let those planning it know what's going on & tell them you don't want her going. They might be able to take care of it. If she mentions it again, let her know that it's just for the girls and that your mom isn't going (easier said than done probably).
No, No No! Seriously. Read my post from a few minutes ago -http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/oh-no-my-mother-wants-my-father-to-be-invited-to-the-bachelor-party-weekend
@arizonabride - how funny! We pretty much have the same problem. Have you come to a decision yet?
I don't really understand why parents think that they should be included in the bachelor/bachelorette party festivities.
When the time comes, I will tell my MOH specifically that FMIL is not invited. I just have a feeling that FMIL will call me asking about details (she will just assume she is invited, she is like that) after she hears about my plans from FI. While I like my FMIL, she can be a bit overbearing (inviting herself to come and visit and stay in our one bedroom apartment with one of two other people in tow), and also expects us to pick up the check most times. This is another reason why I don't want her coming.
If it comes down to it, I'm going to have to just tell her this was going to be for my girlfriends only. I just know that if it comes down to that, she will be really offended.
My mother gave me a guilt trip because she wasn't invited to my bachelorette party. I don't care - she was involved in everything else, there was nooooo need for her to get dressed up and drink with people 25-35 years younger than her!
That is not a problem I would like to have. Yikes! If it comes up, can your FI be the one to break it to her how it's "uncool" to have parents (anyone's) on a bachelor or bachelorette trip?
I would have no issues telling anyone like a parent type person, no it's for my friends and me. She needs to get a clue and your friends deserve to have some time just with you!
I'd just hope she doesn't bring it up again.
Will she be at your bridal shower, perhaps you could just say something about going out after your bridal shower so she doesn't have to travel across the country again.
I have no idea if she will be at my bridal shower. She mentioned that she wanted to throw me on in her home town (my mother is already hosting one here), but that hasn't been mentioned again and she has a tendency to throw out ideas that don't come to fruition. So, I really have no idea.
OMG. All I can say is I'm so sorry and hopefully she won't bring it up again and it'll be like nothing was ever said!!!
I totally feel your pain. My FMIL invited herself along on our trip to the bahamas with a few friends last month, and thank God FI and I never brought it up again, and she didn't either. But she is def. the type that would've come. Hell, she's tried to move in with us twice now too, but that's a story for another day. LOL!! I never even thought about this happening at my bachelorette party, but I'm sure when the time comes, I'll be in the same boat as you.
This may sound harsh - but plan on offending her. If she's overbearing to begin with - there's no beating around the bush with her. You MUST be direct. And, to motivate you, consider the alternative of having her at the bachelorette!!
I think some MIL's and MOB's like to think they are one of the gal's - which is all good and fine - but the reality is - they aren't. They are the MOTHER.
Try to make her feel loved by spending time with her and doing something special together with her and her friend (if they are in town).
Thanks ladies. You are helping me see that I'm not crazy for not wanting her to be there. I really hope this just won't come up again.
So is your dad coming to your FI's bachelor party? ha ha. Could you have FI explain to her that this is for young people only with no parents? This is bonding time with your girlfriends to reminise. You have to put your foot down, and set some boundaries. Your friends are your friends, and family time is family time. I had a similar issue with FMIL being a friend on Facebook. It was just too intruisive and I don't want me or my friends having to watch what we say or do and be on our best behavior.
My mom thinks she is coming to my bachelorette party, so I'm oscillating between telling her it's been cancelled or just never bringing it up again. Either way, she's not going. It's not a shower where the bride's close family must be invited, or a ladies' brunch, or whatever... I'm not getting my drink on with my friends in front of my mother. That's all. And you shouldn't have to watch yourself that much at your b-party by having your FMIL there! That's ridic!
I am actually going to have 2 bachlorette events. One is going to be something super fun more for people my age (doesn't involve getting plastered and acting like a fool) and the second is going to be a small spa retreat for mani/pedis, facials and massages. I will be inviting my MIL-to-be to the 2nd one but not the first.
Could you have a two-part bachelorette party? The frist part could be dinner or something like a winery tour. After that all the older ladies and party poopers can go home and then you can go out for a night on the town for the second part without FMIL.
I have mixed feelings about this because I think FMIL is just really excited about it all and wants to be included. At least if she brought her friend she'd have a buddy. But I definitely don't think you should pay her way.
@Jacqui - I wish I could, but that isn't an option. My FMIL lives 2,500 miles away and my mother has no interest in going to the bachelorette party. My FMIL also wouldn't just want to go back to the hotel. To be perfectly honest, I don't want her there for any of it.
FMIL will be invited to the bridal shower whenver we decide to do it, but I think that is enough.
you could always have "fake" bachelorette party. At the bridal shower tell her you are going that night out for some drinks and appetizers. Let her go with you and the girls. Then when it comes time for your real bachelorette party, dont say anything and she will never know :)
Thats what I would do.
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I'm not really sure how to handle this one. My FMIL invited herself to the bachelorette party when I mentioned what I wanted to do when FI and I first got engaged. She also says she wants to bring her best friend with her.
I want to have a good relationship with FMIL, but I really don't want her coming to my bachelorette party. My mother isn't coming and I was hoping this would be a fun trip with my girlfriends. FI doesn't have any sisters, so that isn't an issue even though if he did, they would be invited.
The topic has not come up again and I'm not sure when it will as FMIL lives on the other side of the country, but I'm not sure how to handle it when it does. To compound the problem, I'm also not sure if FMIL would expect me to pay her way. They don't have much money and FI pays for them whenver they are with us... so I don't want to be financing her trip on top of it.
How do I tackle this problem?