Post # 1
- Wedding: October 2015 - Coastal Maine inn
I’m not sure if this is a legitimate concern or not –
Two of my aunts have very generously offered to host a bridal shower for me at a restaurant in the large (expensive) city I live in. When making the guest list for them, I was really careful to only invite people who I know personally and am close with. Knowing that my SO’s mom wouldn’t know many people at the shower, I included two of her friends on the list, along with all of my SO’s female family members that i’ve met before. Overall, 29 people are invited from my side, and 13 from his.
My SO sent her the list as an FYI, and she’s asked for six more people to be added to the list (distant family members who I’ve never met, and SO hasn’t seen in years). They’re unlikely to attend, but I still feel really weird about them receiving invitations full of names they don’t know. They will almost certainly not know who I am when they see the invite!
If his family were hosting, that would of course be completely fine, but since two members of my family are hosting, I think it’s really awkward to invite people who have never met me. I’m really concerned about coming off gift-grabby, and pretty frustrated with my FMIL (she did the same thing with the guest list, and is not contributing financially to the wedding).
What do you think I should do, if anything?
Post # 2
BowTiedKangaroo: Fortunately, you are not the hostess , so I would let it go.
If FMIL wants them invited, knowing they are unlikely to attend, I would respect her wishes.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
I would let it go ONLY if they are also on the wedding guest list. If they are not, they should not be invited. If they are on the list for the wedding, I do think 50% of the guests should be from his side as well. Just my opinion. If it is a matter of money, then explain to your FMIL that they cannot afford additional guests and see if she offers to pay for them. If not, then she should understand about them not being invited.
Post # 4
I think that’s a pretty common thing; I haven’t had my shower yet, but some of my friends have had people that they didn’t know very well at theirs because they’re somehow related to the future groom. If they don’t show up, nothing to be upset about; but if they do, just be gracious and loving
Post # 5
BowTiedKangaroo: Agree, let it go. Your FMIL will have to talk to your aunts if she wants to invite people, then your family can tell her whatever they decide.
My FMIL invited people that I don’t know to my shower too… and they weren’t invited to the wedding… so did my gramma and my mom. And none of them were throwing the showers! My BMs did all the work. Bleh, it sucks, but it happens.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2015 - Coastal Maine inn
winterwoodlandbride15: julies1949: MrsTtoB: FutureBride625: Thanks everyone! It helps a lot to know that this is a pretty normal thing (and also that I’m not alone in being annoyed about it!)
Post # 7
I unfornately had the exact same issue for my bridal shower this summer. My two aunts hosted, my mother stayed out of it, but my hubbys mother HAD to be invovled. I was not allowed to know anything (eventually drama leaked out to me) and I just calmly informed hubby that his mother was making this process very difficult for a few people.
All in all… move on and let it go. If you’ve never met the extra guests attending, make sure your FMIL introduces you!! Our wedding list was beyond the number of guests I ever wanted but it turned out beautiful. Just think of the light at the end of the tunnel… you’re marrying your best friend!
Post # 8
BowTiedKangaroo: I disagree that it’s “normal”. It makes absolutely no sense to have people invited that you nor your FI know very well, if at all. I can’t imagine my mother or my MIL trying to intrude on my shower like that.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Only if they are also invited to the wedding should they be on the shower list. I do agree with PPs, that a shower is a more intimate event. While I’ve been to showers where I’m really more of a friend of the groom than the bride, these 6 people don’t really sound to be appropriate guests. “They will almost certainly not know who I am when they see the invite”– if they don’t know your name, should they really be at a party honoring you? I think not.
Post # 10
I invited my MIL’s friends/relatives to my shower. I had only met a couple of them, but that is typically how showers work on the IL side from what I have experienced. Only a couple were actually able to come to the shower though. (Invites got out a little late, but that was okay with me!)
Post # 11
BowTiedKangaroo: I just had one last week hosted by my mom’s friend. my FMIL invited some people I have never met. I thought it was kinda presumptuous, but didn’t really think much. The most awkward part was having to introduce myself to people at my own shower and they were bringing me gifts! Kinda weird…
Post # 12
I wont know most the ladies at my shower, it’ll be mostly my new family. Theyre there to celebrate you! It’s okay.
Post # 13
BowTiedKangaroo: Are these ladies invited to the wedding? If not, then no, they can’t be invited to a shower!