Post # 1
I need to know if I have the right to be pissed or not.
Long story short:
My FMIL has a friend who has known FI pretty much his entire life. This friend wants to throw me a bridal shower (which is really nice and awesome, and I am super appreciative of). The problem is that our guest list was decided on a LONG time ago – being that it’s a holiday (NYE) and we had to send out our save the dates a lot earlier than you normally would.
So here’s the problem: This friend that is throwing the shower contacted some of her and FMIL’s mutual friends to help throw this shower (I guess working under the assumption that they were all invited, possibly??)…But anyways, it turns out that one of the women in particular was not originally invited to the wedding, but is going to help host the shower.
Because she “signed herself on” to help, FMIL has decided that it’s only fair that this woman (and her family) be invited to the wedding. And I would be ALL FOR IT if anyone other than my fiance and I were paying for everything.
I’m super annoyed because last time I checked, you don’t have a say on the guest list unless you’re paying for the people you invite to attend.
Side note: I’ve literally never met, nor heard of this woman until yesterday. (We just celebrated our 4 year dating anniversary a couple of months ago).
Rant over. Am I wrong for being so annoyed??
If anything like this happened to you (or currently is), please rant and/or let me know how it turned out. Any advice is appreciated. I’m freaking out a little since the wedding is so close :/
Post # 3
@SecretBee23: You say you’ve never met her… but has your fiance? i.e. is she like the main host, and has known FI all her life?
You don’t need to invite her, but if she’s going to all this trouble (EDIT: AND if she’s known your FI for a long time) I don’t see the harm in inviting her and her partner. Not the rest of her family though.
Post # 4
@SecretBee23: I would say her husband (or partner or whoever) and her should get an invite but not kids or anything. That way it is only two seats. I think if she was NOT hosting the shower you should just say no and let that be that but unfortunately since she decided to add herself on (which is weird since she didnt get a STD) it probably is in your best interest to invite her but that does NOT mean her whole family gets an invite.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
if she’s really important to your fiance and/or in-laws, I would. (Unless they already added like 25+ other “family friends who have to be invited”…)
Post # 6
No, you aren’t wrong for being annoyed. They should have known who was invited to your wedding before they went and asked people to host the shower. I’ve often heard of friends of the Mother of the Bride/Groom being invited to the shower only by the MOB/MOG which I think is fine (it’s their ettiquite to decide on, not the Bride’s)…but hosting? That’s a bit much.
At this point I would invite her because I’d be to embarassed not to, but I’d also ask my FI to make sure his mom is not going to lose cannon invite anyone else. If she were paying for the wedding it would be different.
Post # 7
Is it possible to invite her Just to the dance part of the reception? I know you’ve still got a nonth of so to go, but it still seems a bit late to add in extra people… especially ones you haven’t met. At this point I’m guessing you have already started working on final details for the reception…
It might come across as a bit rude to only invite her to the dance, but at least she would have somewhere fun to go for NY’s!?
Post # 8
That really sucks, but if she is co-hosted the shower, she definitely needs to be invited. I definitely wouldn’t invite her kids though. It is really annoying, but not everyone you invited is going to attend anyways.
Post # 10
It sounds like your FMIL accepted this shower on your behalf. Since you didn’t accept the offer, there should be no “you HAVE to invite her.”
How does FI feel about it?
Post # 11
This is sticky. You don’t want to be rude but at the same time, I’d worry about setting a precedent that your MIL can make unreasonable demands and have them accommodated….
Post # 12
it seems a bit funny that someone you dont know would host a shower for you. Sure she might have known FI for a long time but its a bridal shower not a groom shower. Some people just have no clue about these things. Dont feel guilted into inviting them, just use the excuse that this close to the date numbers have been finalised and no more can be added