- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
Lately, I’ve been feeling SO ANNOYED with my Future Mother-In-Law (totally new concept, right? LOL) I recognize that a lot of it is me, and that I need to learn to adapt and/or take people for who they are (good and bad), but it still bugs me that I’m constantly having to bend over backwards to accomodate her silly behavior. Because she’s always had these habits, no one wants to tell her what’s ok and what isn’t….meaning that my Fiance and my Future Father-In-Law would rather let her be instead of just talking to her about it! And when I mentioned to have a very kind yet frank discussion with her about these issues, they pretty much lost their shiza. “NOOOOO!!!” they said. “SHE’LL RESENT YOU FOREVER!!” Really? I wasn’t going to attack her– I mean I’m not perfect, and I’m sure there’s a thing or two about me that really gets under her skin. But since they raised such a stink about it, I’ll just post here to get these things off my chest. That way whenever these bad habits come back up, I can think to myself “No biggie, that’s just how she is, and I totally love her anyway”. Deep breath.
1. She has NO BOUNDARIES. Calls like 20 times a day about insignificant wedding details, be it at 7:00 a.m. on the only day I have to sleep in, or when I’ve specifically told her I will not be available. If she can’t reach me, instead of leaving a message like a normal, sane human being, she’ll just call me 19 more times IN A ROW until I finally pick up. WTH is that?! She does the same thing with Fiance, except she’ll call and tell him IT’S AN EMERGENCY and then when he *naturally* calls back anxiously, she’ll tell him about a funny commercial she saw. Seriously. I did not make that last scenario up, that has literally actually happened. Twice.
Similarly, she expects us to drop everything and head over to her house. We’re lucky enough to live really close by, but that still doesn’t mean we don’t have a life! We’re completely independent, and have been so for years, yet she always guilts us into coming over roughly 4-5 times a week. I don’t even see my parents that much, and they also live in the D.C area!! For that matter, I don’t even get to see Fiance alone that much since I’m always at FMIL’s house!!!
2. She doesn’t listen to anyone else’s opinion. I get that she’s excited over the wedding, and I absolutely love her to tears for that! I really do! But when she say’s “How about abc” and I say “You know, that’s a great idea, but what if we did xyz instead?” SHE WILL FLIP OUT– that is until you bend to her will *dastardly laugh* . She also has a tendency (it’s actually pretty funny) to just say “No” to things that we never really asked her permission. As in, she asked me “what type of flowers did you decide on?” and I said “Oh, we chose an arrangement of blah blah”, and she retorted “No.”
Uhmm what kind of answer is that? I wasn’t asking if you liked it, I was TELLING YOU WHAT I ALREADY CONTRACTED. So there’s no permission needed, see? Yikes. Again, she’s been doing this forever, and I love her besides, but I mean MAN is it frustrating.
3. She’s uber sensitive. Just like I said before, she will flip the eff out if you disagree with any of her ideas on what a wedding should be. I love discoursing with her, and she generally has a lot of amazing ideas that I have ended up utilizing for the wedding, but that doesn’t mean we’re going to agree on everything lady! She’s much more traditional, I’m a minimalist, there’s tons of room that we can meet in the middle, right? WRONG.
4. She doesn’t have any concept of money. Perfect example: she’s an all in all great woman, so I asked her to come with me for my dress hunt. We went to a store and she found two dresses that she really liked on me (God love her, she is at least super attentive and sweet). She thought I should buy BOTH of them (each $5,000 and up!), even though I wasn’t really into either. I politely told her that I thought they were both lovely, but that I couldn’t afford to buy two dresses for the day, and that I would ultimately have to pick one that I just could not live without.
Cut to next dress-hunt shop-a-ganza and I invited her again. Instead of talking to me about possible hurt feelings, she called my Fiance and told him that “she didn’t feel like she was being included because I disregarded all of her advice” last time. Really? I love her, but I just don’t think she gets that neither me or Fiance are rich. Since they are EXTREMELY well-off, I think she’s used to living in a versace/ christain louboutin bubble, of which Fiance and I are not apart of. As I said, we’re both have great jobs and are completely financially independent, but this is the D.C metro area……sh*t’s expensive. Just because we’re comfortable doesn’t mean I want to spend $10,000 on a dress I’ll wear for three hours.
5. She always plans these “brainstorming sessions” or family dinners at times when she knows I can’t be there. I’ve told her a million times that I don’t get out of work until after 5. Yes I can make my own hours, but it totally doesn’t look good to be leaving work every day at 3:30. That just screams “Fire me!!”
Yet every time she plans an outing that she wants Fiance and me to attend, it’s always in some far-off reach (and DC is notorious for it’s awful traffic) and takes place at 4:00. I’ve told her a million times that I just can’t make those times, yet every occurance is planned for “cocktails at 4:00 in tysons” or “we NEED to discuss seating. I’ve set a reservation in Georgetown at 4:30 to beat traffic”. UGH. When I tell her I can’t make it, well….see above reactions. I’m starting to think she’s doing this on purpose!
Like I said, all-together I could have it a lot worse. She genuinely cares about me and has made it clear that she’s excited to welcome me into the family. I love her so much, but I worry what it’s going to be like post-wedding. As a newly-wed couple, we can’t just drop everything to accomodate her latest whim. Fiance and I have talked about it, and we both are super nervous about our plans after the wedding (which include us moving out of state) and how it will affect her……ahhh….well I’ll just say it, NEEDINESS.
Anyone else have a time-demanding FMIL? How’d you handle it?