Post # 1
My Hubby-to-be is 29..whereas I am just shy of 21. We’ve dated more than 3 years, live together in our own HOUSE we bought, and I still feel unwelcome, as Future Mother-In-Law drops subtle hints on how he should be with a woman more established in her career and closer to his age…Even though she, herself married her husband who is 20 years older than her at a time where she had no established career to speak of! Though we’ve never had any problems…up ’til now.
The other day we went over to FMIL’s house for dinner, as we normally do every week…Future Mother-In-Law asked us about our plans for the wedding…because my hubby and I discussed that’s what our next move would be. She seemed happy, asking us in-depth questions…and then asked my Fiance to go outside to help his dad remove the tree stump in the backyard. Once she heard the door shut, she turned to me and literally went apeshit. She wasn’t screaming, persay, but she definitely raised her voice… it went along the lines of this:
“I do not agree with what you are doing, and Mr. (Her husband) agrees with me. _____(my fiance, her son) should move back home but you are not allowed to come with him, it’s not that I dont like you…..” But then she went on and on about reasons why she doesn’t like me. But at that point my eyes were so swelled with tears I couldn’t see anymore, so all I could do was sit there looking down while she continued to scream at me because I’m not good enough. I don’t remember most of it, because I was focused on trying not to cry…Then after a few minutes went past, we heard a knock on the door and she went to answer it. I sang “hallejuiah” in my head and made a run for the back door to get away, where I ran into my Fiance. I was in bits. After I explained what was said, he was more PISSED off than I’ve ever seen him. He went in the house preparing for WW3 but saw that she had company, and came back out to comfort me. He kissed me and assured me everything was fine, and then I decided to help him with the tree stump because I didn’t want to go back in there. After the guest left, Future Mother-In-Law came outside and started asking more questions about the wedding! Even though she just laid into me basically saying she doesn’t approve of me and she doesn’t want her son being with me! My Fiance just stared at her because he knew everything, and she seemed clueless as to why he was looking at her that way! And now it’s gotten to the point, with her sneaky remarks (doing it when my Fiance isnt around), that I don’t even feel like going over to her house now that I know what she REALLY thinks of me. I KNOW she trash talks me to EVERYONE who will listen, but I’m a good girlfriend, and I treat her son DAMN WELL, and I’ve never offended anyone, I’ve always been respectful and kind! So my question, fellow bee’s, is how would you handle a mother in law that appears to support her son’s decisions, but takes every opportunity to prove otherwise?!!!
Any MONSTER-In-LAW stories are definitely welcome!
Post # 3
Wow, sorry to hear about this. Mine are very small compared to this
Post # 4
To be honest? I would kill her with kindness right back. Or…you could mention while your fiance is around that you didn’t appreciate the things that she said to you while he wasn’t around. Make sure that your fiance is always around when you’re in a room with her, and don’t let him leave you alone in a room with her.
If she tries something like this again, politely say to her that you appreciate her “constructive criticizm” about how you’re not good enough for her son, but he obvously thinks otherwise. And if she really had a problem with it, that she should talk to her son about it directly rather than laying into you while he’s not around.
What a jerk!
Post # 5
Geezums! Major hugs to you! She seems like a big meany. I haven’t had any issues with my future mother in law (not yet anyway) so I have no advice to give you. But I do hope that things get better, and that your FH stands up to his mother regarding his decision to marry you.
Post # 6
I hope your FH cuts her off.
Post # 7
Sorry to hear! I am so glad he was comforting to you and wanted to take action right away. Maybe you should stay away from her until she can confess her true feelings to her son and you. Keep in mind you love him, and although it would be nice to be accepted you don’t have to please her in your life! Why must people be so nasty?!?
Post # 8
….? Why is she being so mean? Has your Fiance tried talking to her about her comments? Yikes. *hugs*
Post # 9
I’m with @2PeasinaPod. Piss her the fuck off by rubbing in her face how happy you are, how much your Fiance loves you, and what a lovely wedding you’re going to have. Think of that JLO movie Monster in Law if you need a visual for what I’m describing, lol.
Post # 10
Your Fiance needs to have a talk with her. Just staring at her does nothing. He needs to tell her that what she said is disrespectful and you deserve an apology.
I would also stop going over there until she comes and apologizes. Its not your fault she’s acting this way, but you certainly do not have to put up with it
Post # 11
I’d be tempted to either phone her and record the conversation or record the conversation the next time the two of us were alone.
I would let her know that i had the recording and that the next time she came after me in private, I would be sharing the recording with her husband and son.
Post # 12
It doesn’t sounds like she has issues with you, it sounds like she has issues with letting go of him and would have this problem with any girl. He’s 29 and she wants her son to move home and be her little baby. Does she make you guys go over and eat with them every week? That’s another example of her not wanting to let go.
Post # 13
Ugh I’m so sorry she’s like this. I happen to have a kick-butt Mother-In-Law who I get along really well with because we went to college for the same thing and both have the same type of psycho mother.
However, my psycho mother is a lot like your mother-in-law. She’s all about appearances and will tell you how fantastic you are in a group of people, and then tear you down the second everyone leaves. This led to her giving a miserable drunken speech at our reception along the lines of:
“I love you FutureJessicaMcB sooooo much, but Mr. McB doesn’t do enough to support you and isn’t good enough for you and, blah, blah, blah, cry, cry, cry, insult my mother in law, excuse me I have to smoke.”
It was awful and she corned my Mother-In-Law after everyone had left for the night (including us) and cursed her up and down for telling her she was glad she came. So in short, I hear you and there’s no talking to crazy people. Either play her BS game (which if she’s as much like my mother as I think, will be telling her hwo right she is all the time) or cut her out of your life.
I sincerely wish my mother had not been at our wedding- it’s a humiliating memory and it’s on our wedding video. Don’t leave yourself with similar regrets!
Post # 14
wow. I am so sorry hun. I have a great Future Mother-In-Law but my Fiance is inheriting a two face Mother-In-Law just as you are. He was very offended that when he asked my parents for their blessing they hugged it out and gave their blessing then talked crap about him after he proposed. I assured him it si what it is. Pesonally. I avoid my parents at all costs, well my mom anyway. i talk to her every week and I keep our talks short or we fight because I havn’t let go of the fact she made my Fi feeel like poo. I make every effort to keep Fiance away from her (which is easy cause she lives across country) but I have made arrangements to have my sisters keep her away from Fiance to avoid anything from being said when they come into town. In short, what I am saying is I am very much “protecting” my Fiance from my mom. BUT I never had a great relationship with my mom. Sounds like your Fiance does have a really close realtionship with his mom.
While what she did was VERY inappropriate, do you think you could be brave enough to say to her what a great Fiance you are and ask her to tell you why she feels the way she does? what evidence does she have? etc. You couold present it in a way like ” I want to be the best for your son, what do you sugest I do?” I dunno, it’s just that she is gonna be your Mother-In-Law for a very long time. I say, feel your confidence and assert yourself. She is being a bully. Don’t let her think she can “get away” with treating you this way. Your Fiance should say something to her too but you should show her you are a strong woman.
Post # 15
I don’t agree with the PPs that suggest playing games with your Future Mother-In-Law.
I think the course of action is you both to be the bigger people and have an honest discussion with her. Well, probably your Fiance should. Confront her over her comments and why she was so disrespectful to you, and of course make sure she knows that he will NOT put up with it.
Post # 16
Also, just wanted to ask WHY in the world your Future Mother-In-Law thinks your Fiance should move home if he has a home of his own?