FMIL is a Bridezilla!

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Oh man, that sounds really tough. This is part of the reason I am grateful that we won’t be taking money from our parents – even without a monetary contribution it’s amazing how involved & passionate my mom got about the guest list. My list went from ~60 people to ~160! She even argued on behalf of inviting an ex of mine (luckily that has nothing to do with FMIL drama, she likes my FI so it’s just her interest in inviting everybody that we like I think). 

This is actually part of what stressed me out so much that I decided to delay planning for another year.

Unfortunately, I don’t have much advice. Obviously the simplest thing to do is just tell everybody to take back their money and go it your own way – but obviously that’s not necessarily possible.

Do you have a good relationship with your FMIL otherwise? 

Maybe at some point you could just say “thanks for all your help so far, I’m going to take it from here now and pick some things out myself”.. IDK!

As far as religion goes, I hear you.. I think everyone kind of has their stake in this one. My FI comes from a Christian background and I am Jewish. I think my FMIL would just love it if we had a church wedding, but if we did that, I think my mom’s heart would break. And because we aren’t that religious to begin with, having a wedding in a synagogue wouldn’t feel right either. So we are just going to go our own way and INSIST on doing it the way we feel is right. The chuppah and the glass breaking are fairly mild Jewish traditions, and I like them so we will probably include them in ours. Regarding the chuppah, my suggestion to you is: 1) stick with what you want, because it’s your wedding ceremony, and 2) if you’re cool with it, I think a good compromise would be a pretty DIY chuppah of sorts, or an arch above you, or a cool backdrop behind you. Use it as a style piece and tell her that it is your compromise for a chuppah or something.


Wish I had better advice for you. MILs tend to have a lot of hopes and wishes put into what should be their children’s business only, and when they don’t get their way it can cause drama. Best of luck navigating this!


Post # 4
25 posts
  • Wedding: September 2016

OK so. Couple things. She may not want to tell you how much and who and what not because she wants this to be a surprise (potential reason). Maybe mention that you appreciate that. BUT your parents made an agreement to share half the cost SO she needs to at least talk to them. Without communciation between the two parents about what 50/50 is, this is bound to create a huge tension between families once your parents get the bill and say “wait, WHAT? I didnt agree to this.” It sounds like the FMIL knows this and is making decisions regardless and will just tell them in the endthat “you said you’d pay 50/50 and heres the bill”. So if she doesnt talk to you, she AT LEAST needs to talk to your parents. Also, you and your fiance need to have complete control over the ceremony. You need to tell the officiant and wedding planner (if you have one) that BY NO MEANS will anyone other than you two dictate what occurs during the ceremony. Have the FMIL there if you wish, and also your parents too if possible! Make it ridiculously clear to the person who is performing the actual ceremony! If you don’t care about the linens and other stuff then that’s fine but YOUR PARENTS SHOULD if they are going 50/50. That’s pretty much all I can think to say at the moment.

Post # 5
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

annb9:  She keeps doing this stuff because you guys keep letting her. Small things like the table linens don’t matter, but I feel like eventually you are going to look around and the wedding/reception will be all her vision and nothing like you imagined. The music would’ve been a big deal to me; she shouldn’t be booking things without you guys agreeing. 

You and your fiancé should talk to her, together. It might be time to remind her about her experience where she didn’t get to plan her own wedding and make it clear that you don’t want that to happen with your wedding. Let her know that you appreciate her help but you still want it to feel like your day. You have to consider your family too and the chuppah just isn’t what you want so that’s that. Be firm and don’t keep letting everything slide if it’s bothering you.

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