Post # 1
Let me begin by saying that for the most part I really like my FMIL. She is a kind and generous woman.
That being said, she kind of drives me nuts sometimes!
The issue is that we are over our numbers on our guest list. Not by much – and I think we will be fine – but still, we are over by about 16 people. We are having a big wedding, 250 people, and my family is a big chunk of that, about 130 people. FI has a small family by comparison, only about 20 people.
By that logic his mom thinks that she should be able to invite whoever she wants because her family is so small. She’s been adding a few extra people to her list – which I happily accomodated – but when later it comes up that we are over our numbers she keeps saying, in an obnoxious way, “Well, I only have 50 people coming!!!” OK, well first of all, 30 of her people are friends that my FI does not even know. Of course she can have her friends, and I AM sensitve to the fact that the list is unbalanced, but what can I do? I have a big family. That’s why we are having a big wedding. Should we go out and rent FI 100 cousins to make up the difference?
She’s been making comments like that throughout the process. Like she thinks it’s ridiculous that we are having so many people. I know she thinks we should have cut some of my family. However, my family actually knows FI and I, and have been present throughout the course of our relationship.
I don’t know what I am trying to say. It’s just annoying, and she is adding stress to the process.
Post # 3
That is annoying. Out of 250 though 16 over isn’t too bad. Any chance you’ll have that many regrets and not have to chop anyone? Is she paying at all or just adding people for you to foot the bill because she wants a bigger representation of her side? Take it as a compliment though, she probably just wants all her friends to see your big fancy wedding 😉
Post # 4
my MIL invited like so many people I didn’t know to my first wedding… yea, i’m over that…
16 really isn’t that much over, in comparison to who you have coming already. Is she footing the bill? then let her invite them. However, if YOU are paying, maybe you could just have a talk with her since you said she is “kind and generous” I am sure she means no harm or anything… ya know?
but if she is paying… I say the more the merrier! (thats just my take on it)
Post # 5
You probably won’t have all 250 rsvp yes. So 16 over isn’t too bad. I wouldn’t fight about it. Pick your battles.
Post # 6
@Miss Tattoo: very well said:)
Post # 7
Thanks for letting me vent!
She IS really great, and totally loves me. She and FFIL are helping us out with some of the expense. So are my parents. Even if they weren’t I would not have felt comfortable telling her she couldn’t have her friends. I just could do without the passive-aggressive running commentary. The thing is, if she were MY mom I would just be telling her to butt out, or shut it, but you know, her and I are not there yet where I can speak that freely. 🙂
We’ll totally be fine with the numbers. I am actually hoping we can add on some of our B list people. That’s another thing that bugs me. We have about 10 or so people I want to add to the list, but can’t accomodate right now, but she is adding people still that FI has no idea who they are. LOL.
She did that at his first wedding. He and his ex each had a 50 person limit, and his mom invited all her church friends so FI had no friends at his first wedding.
Post # 8
@Ms. Peach: OMG that is so sad:( is there any other way you an cut costs so he can have more people, and you guys can invite more “b” listers? Can you cut the flower budget? or the beverage budget? anything??? What about favor budget? maybe you were planning on doing favors and now you can nix them???
(just trying to be helpful)
good luck hun!
Post # 9
@Ronneykay: I know! I felt sooo bad when he told me that. He was really young, and had no input into his first wedding at all.
Our issue is space, not budget. We can get up to 260 in without compromising our dance floor. So, I think it should be fine, and hopefully we can even add in some B list people. I am more just getting frustrated with FMIL and her comments.
Thanks for all the feed back ladies. It’s just nice to be able to vent to people who know what you’re going through. 🙂
Post # 10
@Ms. Peach: well, maybe, if its possible, you can give your FMIL a #… like 10… and say she is allowed to invite 10 people, because there are some people YOU guys, as a couple really want there, and were afraid you wouldn’t be able to invite as well? And you are okay with splitting this list with her (this way she will think she is getting the priviledge of inviting 10 people, when you only have so many spots left, make sense… it may not be true, but if she feels that way, she will be happy, it doesn’t have to be 10, i’m just using an example)
Anyhow I think she would feel thankful that you respected her enough to give her her own guest list (maybe even give her 10 (or whatever #) invitations and allow them to mail them out herself.
This is just a thought…
Post # 11
That’s just one of those situations you have to make the best of it. It’s annoying and it sucks, but it could be a lot worse.