Weddingbee boards

Ok, a little background, my FH is Jewish, I am Catholic. FH has been really good and supportive of all the Catholic hoops we have to jump through to get married and I mean EVERYTHING from NFP to Marriage Prep and the paperwork which if you are getting married with Catholic approval or in the church you know is a bunch of paperwork... and he occasionally goes to mass with me to play nice with my pastor.

My FMIL has been losing her mind for the past several months that I am trying to get him to convert, this is AFTER we had a conversation with her specifically about this, that NO I am not trying to get him to convert, I don't want him to convert, and I would probably quiz him to death if he told me he was converting... ie he would have a heck of a time convincing me, not to mention he has no intention of converting.

The most recent event to make this woman go off the deep end bat sh*t crazy is FH went to Mass with me at Easter. As many Catholics know we have the renewal of baptismal promises at masses during Easter, I made sure FH didn't even stand for this part, he sat, during the sprinkling rite my priest went out of his way to make sure he did not sprinkle FH with holy water (my priests are really good dealing with the interfaith thing). The woman lost her mind thinking I had had him baptized at Mass and nothing he or I could say or do would make her realized that it wasn't a baptism.

Grrr.

He only came with me because we were doing dinner at my family's for easter and we live an hour away. BTW I go to High Holy Days with him, not that he is the most observant Jew in the world, she has no problem with me going with him to synagoge but all h*ll brakes lose if he goes to Mass with me.

GRR

It sounds almost like she is hoping you'll convert to Judaism... what with not being offended that you go to her schule and everything... not long after I met my FH did I get the "my grandkids had better be Jewish" talk...

@teaadntoast

Most recently she has decided that I hate her, which I don't and have never given her an indicaition of, That I think she is a second class citizen because I am not involving her in every wedding decision and when we do ask her to help or something she blows us off or complains. She also has accused me of lying to her when I havent, some summer plans changed and she was confused on some details taht both her son and I spent hours clarifying but as of 3 days ago I am now a liar, she has accused me of trying to "one up-her" on several occasions when I thought we were having a normal conversation, including me remembering my mother and grandmother raising some heirloom flowers she mentioned a relitve had a huge yard full of them and I said that I thought that was wonderful and must have been beautiful.

FH has now gotten to the point that he has told her she needs to back off and stop blaming me for everything and that she needs to see a counselor.

@teaadntoast

For some reason it cut off part of my post, my family wouldn't care as they are mostly non-religious. She doesn't even practice her faith (doesn't keep kosher, doesn't keep the sabbith etc.)

We have already decided on how we are raising the kids, she isn't happy about that either.

OP--I realize that I am kind of late to the game here, but have you made an effort to learn about Judaism?  Are you dedicated to ensuring that your children are knowledgeable about their Jewish heritage?  My FI is Jewish and I am not, however I have gone out of my way to ensure that his family realizes that I am interested in their heritage and am not going to ignore it.  Making a few latkes and knowing a little Yiddish can go a long way!

While your FMIL does sound a little crazy, to which I have no comment, please remember where she is coming from. Women of her age personally know Holocaust survivors and those who didn't survive.  She has likely dealt with predjudice in her life due to being Jewish.  I imagine that she is concerned about the family's Jewish heritage living on, especially if you aren't going to raise your children Jewish.

Difficult though she may be, she is your FI's mother and will be in your life for a long, long time. You can't do anything about it.  What you can do is do everything in your power to have a good relationship with her. 

@LindaD76

Actually I have made the effort to learn about the Jewish faith, any children will know about the Jewish faith/heritage etc. My family a couple generations back was Jewish except someone converted or stopped practicing, married a Catholic and here I am. Most of my family was non religous of any kind so as an adult I converted to Catholicsm(it was a toss up between that and Judiasm). Had I known about the family history I would have converted jewish. My Grandfather was in WW2 and part of the troops that liberated camps, my great grandmother sold the diamond out of her ring and sent the money back to family in Europe to get Jews out.  Even all of this has been shared with her, and I understand where she comes from on this, but she has gone off the deap end more than on the issue of Judiasm with me.
She interferes in our relationship, telling my FH not to talk to me about what she says about me, To not buy me jewlery, flowers, cards or any gifts whatso ever because I don't deserve them. That I am not allowed to have family antiques that are traditionally handed down when the eldest daughter gets married because I "have too much stuff".
She has tried isolating me from my family by saying we can't spend holidays with them. She has demanded we spend Christmas and Easter with her (her 2nd husband is non-practicing catholic) at the same time belitteling Christianity the whole time but does not want to celebrate Passover or Chaunnaka. The closer we get to the wedding the crazier she is getting.