Post # 1
So I’ve been engaged for going on four months, its still almost a year until our wedding, and I have come to realize what is important to me (good DJ, not going broke, good photographer).
So where’s the problem?? My FMIL wants this to be the party of the decade. I want it to be fun and memorable, and look nice, but I don’t want to invite everyone I’ve ever met! And if we don’t have the biggest, prettiest decor they’ve ever seen I"m okay with that. Should I tell her how I feel or just let it ride out and realize that its only one day and its a big day for them too?
A couple side notes: we just started paying my grad school bills and our new pick-up, and FMIL has made it clear she’s not going into debt to help us out… which is good because hopefully neither are we, thus the need for a realistic budget!
Post # 3
You and your FI should sit down together and discuss what you two want for your wedding. Then he can explain to his mother what that is. It is his job to straighten her out.
Post # 4
Definitely talk it out. If you allow it to just ride, it’s going to be a miserable year.
I agree that you & your FI should discuss what you both want first & foremost. If it’s possible, I feel that both of you present a united front and talk to FMIL together. If you allow FI to do it alone, he might buckle into the pressure because it’s his mom, OR, he won’t completely explain it they way you would.
Men & women are so different in how we process info. To help lay down the path to a great wedding, you should be involved in that conversation with FMIL, too. Plus, it’s a step towards demonstrating that you and FI really are together in this for the rest of your lives, and it starts with the wedding.
Post # 5
Appleblossom, I feel your pain! My first wedding was very elaborate and the party of the century, but I didn’t foot the $90,000 dollar bill. This time around I am fine having a nice wedding which I believe can be done for WAY LESS than the amount that was spent on my first wedding. My FMIL has champagne taste on a beer budget. She is going to pitch in but we don’t know how much, so I don’t want to let her go crazy with all the stuff she wants since it is her only son’s wedding when we don’t know how much she is helping us with the wedding.
I would definetly have your FI talk to her first and then after he has given her a hint, ya’ll two can sit down with her and see where ya’ll can meet in themiddle.
Post # 6
Funny she wants all kinds of elaborate stuff, but is only willing to give so mcuh. I think you and your Fi need to figure out how much you are spending and what the budget is. Figure out how you ar paying for every aspect of the wedding on your own. Then if FMIL wants something grander, that fits in with your vision, well enough, tell her she can have it, if she pays for it.