- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
Bees, I am in a tough bind. It has been a difficult year. My parents sabotaged my wedding and cancelled it, forcing me to start planning a new wedding from scratch on a shoestring budget. Because I live far away from my family and extended family and can’t afford the original wedding abroad where they all live, I am forced to get married without my family there with me.
The issue: I have been working hard planning this wedding, and it is taking a lot of my time. Since my fiance’s family have been nothing but 100% supportive, I tried to honor them and show them appreciation any way I could. I took the time to ask him and each member of his family who they wanted at the wedding, had them help me come up with a guest list which came out to 70 and then politely asked them to cut it down to a reasonable number of 50 so that our pool of money can afford the wedding. They all did that, we came up with an amended list of 60 with a bit of heartache, but I knew 2 weren’t showing up from my end and my MIL claimed another 8 wouldn’t show up from hers. So I put together the invitations, and I separated them into groups of acquaintances and had each family member invite their friends since it was an email invitation and I wanted the invitations to come from a familiar email. I guess that must have been my mistake, because the minute I sent out my invitations, MIL emailed me asking if she could add 8 others to the list that it would be rude to not invite. I throw a fit in the privacy of my own room, and then calmly and kindly talk to her and tell her that a few of my friends had already begun to RSVP No, so there were 2 extra spots anyway but that if she wanted the extra 6 she would have to pay for each of their plates as well as my wedding planner’s commission (which is based on the wedding budget) because I couldn’t afford it, hence why we cut the guest list down. She agrees and says she will pay for it since it is more important to share the day with loved ones than save a few hundred dollars. Next thing I know, it comes up accidently in conversation that she has invited 6 MORE people on top of the extra guests she asked me to invite without telling me! She just forwarded them the email invitation!! And when I tell her that she needs to be telling me these things before she invites more people, she tells me that 4 of her original guests RSVP’ed No so she just replaced them. I tried to explain that we were already under the assumption that 8 of her guests WOULD RSVP No and that was a cushion we needed to keep the guest list tight, and she says “Well, actually 4 of those 8 that were supposed to cancel are coming.” I tried really hard to hold back my bridezilla fit of rage, and I did. But now I am just angry. I worked hard and asked them all who they wanted to invite. When I forwarded them the email invite to give to their friends, I specifically told them in each of the emails who the invitations were going to as per our earlier discussions. She blatantly disregarded all of that and went off inviting whoever she wanted behind my back, even though I told her I need to know who is coming for placecards/gift box reasons.
I told her then that I had already given room in the wedding timeline to invite a second round of guests if enough people RSVP’ed No, and she goes, “Well, that’s a good idea.” But now it’s too late, I don’t even know what the guest count is anymore because she apparently took free rein on this one and all she can tell me is that she will call people to confirm and give me a final guest count closer to the wedding. But the point is you can’t uninvite people!!! And you can’t just invite whoever you want without caring about the number of guests when it isn’t even your wedding and then just hope it balances out!!
I am so upset. It has been a tough emotional period of time for me with all the issues my parents caused. My FMIL has been there emotionally for me and helped me through so much. So I don’t want to come across as ungrateful, especially since she took me into her home when my parents abandoned me. But I just don’t know what to do with this. I have tried talking to her and she just doesn’t seem to understand why I am upset. A guest list that was supposed to be 50 people for some reason is hovering somewhere around 80 people right now as far as I can tell, and even though she said she will pay for their plates and my planner’s commission, I am upset that she is making all the work I put into the guest list and the invitations and the seating chart go to waste. I am also upset because if we could have that many people, I would have wanted to invite more of my overseas family, since right now it looks like only my one brother and one sister are showing up. I am already upset my parents have made it impossible for me to share this day with my family. Now I feel like I am going to show up to my “intimate” wedding to see parades of people I don’t know.
Is there any thing I can say that will stop her doing this?
EDIT: Wow, I did not realize how long this post became! Sorry, Bees! Here is the summary for people who don’t have the time to read it all: FMIL is inviting people to my wedding without telling me. I have no idea what our guest count is anymore. I tried talking to her and all she said is that she will pay for the extra guests.