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My FMIL also invited people to one of my showers who are not invited to the wedding (Our shower was last weekend, just 3 weeks before our wedding and invitations have already been sent and RSVPs have been counted). I'm not inviting them last minute just because she invited them to the shower. I think that is a faux pas on her part, not mine.
@Zusie: We are addressing some invites to couple-friends who do not live together and we are using both of their names on one invitation to go to one address. No "and guest," plus it saves us on postage and the $4 invitations.
Jimmy (name) and Georgia (other name)
Jimmy's Address
Jimmy's Town, State, Zip
Inner envelope with both of their names too.
If you have disussed the guest list with her, it sounds like a power play on her part to get them invited and you shouldn't cave in to her demands. However, if it was just an honest mistake and you could easily fit them in, I would try to invite them.
They are likely expecting an invite at this point, but I think that if you don't invite the cousins, it will look poorly on your FMIL and not you.
If she doesn't give you the address, then just write the SO on her invitation. Even though he doesn't live there, he will know he's invited.
I would just put her SO's name on her invite even though they don't live together. If she doesn't give you the address, really what else can you do? And I definitely would not add people to the guest list you've already discussed..
I agree with the first comment. It's a faux pas on her part,not yours.
Is there anyway you can get the names/addresses anywhere else? Facebook, real estate records, etc? can you perhaps call these people and ask directly for their address?
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I am trying to follow good etiquette as closely as I can because it is a way of life in the South, but my FMIL is making it very difficult for me to do.
She threw us an engagement party and she invited her second cousins who neither the groom nor I had ever met before and who we were not inviting to the wedding. We had already discussed our guest list with her beforehand for this exact reason.
So, am I now obligated to invite them to the wedding?
Also, I have asked several times she will not give me the address of her significant other or that of her sister's. My fiance and I recently received a wedding invitation to Him and Guest, so I know how it feels to be "and guest" and that is precisely why it is not considered to be in good form; however, they do not live together so I can't just write his name on the same invitation.
Should I address the envelope to the both of them although he doesn't live at her address?
On a side note FMIL sent me the wedding section from her small town newspaper because she thought that I needed help planning.