Post # 1
My family is throwing me a bridal shower in MA because it’s my hometown and the wedding will be there. My FMIL doesn’t think her family will want to travel for the shower, so she’s decided to throw a separate one in NY, where her family lives. We had two engagement parties as well, so this was no surprise to me. The problem is that she invited way more people to the engagement party than we could even have at the wedding, and now with the shower, she’s doing it again! She’s inviting her friends who don’t even know me, and who will not be invited to the wedding. I’m afraid this is making me look gift hungry or something. Personally, I would find it incredibly rude if I was invited to an engagement party AND a bridal shower and then wasn’t invited to the wedding, but we absolutely cannot add more people to the wedding guest list. I don’t know what to do!
Post # 3
i think you have to be firm and tell her you feel it is rude to invite people to the shower who are not invited to the wedding. give her your guest list and tell her she can make her guest from there.
Post # 4
Yeah it’s totally inapproriate. You are only supposed to invite people to pre-wedding events that will also be invited to the wedding.
Post # 5
I’m with you, I would find it incredibly rude as well. Unfortunately, half of the damage is already since your engagement party is done and over with. I would absolutely put your foot down on the shower though. Guests don’t have to bring gifts to engagement parties but the entire concept of a shower is to well… shower the bride with gifts. Your FMIL should understand where you’re coming from since even though she is the one inviting these people, it’s your wedding and you will be the one who looks bad in the end.
Post # 6
She’s pretty much checked out of the wedding because she couldn’t get her way with the guest list for the wedding. I think she’s only having the shower so she can get her way and invite who she wants to that. I’m just concerned about what these guests are going the think. I hope they realize it’s her and not me.
Post # 7
I’m sure if she is the one throwing it they will have some clue it’s not you especially the ones who you havent met. I would def. bring it up to her though to try and prevent it if possible. I know it is a very difficult almost next to impossible task when it comes to some MILs but at least bring it up so you know you have donw something or maybe have you FI talk to her?
Post # 8
Well…here’s an update for anyone who cares. FI and I sat down with her last night. We went over the uneven guest list again. We succeeded in getting her to revise her A and B list for the wedding so that at least we’re not over capacity, but she’s still insisting on inviting whoever she wants to the shower. I told her ok, so long as she doesn’t turn around and want more people invited to the wedding once she starts getting complaints from shower guest. I think that is the best I’m going to get!
Post # 9
That really sucks, but that probably is as good as it will get :(. She sounds really difficult to work with.
Post # 10
I do agree w. you that it is rude to invite ppl to a shower that are not invited to the wedding; and I would feel uncomfortable as well.
However, there are some people who enjoy doing things on behalf of their friends. For example, my MIL is a teacher, and unbenounced to her, when her teacher friends found out her son was getting married planned a little shower for my husband. They asked him to come in and visit one day and presented him with several gift cards they had all bought. When my husband told me about this I was shocked! These ladies don’t know me, nor my husband really; but had a little shower in our honor. I thought this was extremely sweet and very unexpected; but they did this b/c they are friends with my MIL.
So, on the flip side, perhaps several of your MIL’s friends, who don’t know you, could careless about being invited to the wedding and want to purchase a gift for you on behalf of their friendship with your MIL 🙂
Post # 11
I agree that you should say something to your FMIL, but I just wanted to say that bridal shower attendees don’t always get invited to the wedding, esp if it’s out of town.
My aunt lives in MA, but her son was getting married in GA. Very few of “her people” were going to the wedding and most weren’t even invited. She had a shower to sort of show off her FDIL to her friends, but everyone sort of knew the context. So maybe they’re ok with it?
Post # 12
Fortunately, since these are all people you’ve never met before, it won’t really affect you if they think badly! 🙂
Post # 13
I think that is far too excessive and rude. On the other hand, you could have a FMIL who didn’t care at all and didn’t invite anyone or didn’t show up to your shower! I hope it all works out for YOU!
Post # 15
Problem with a MIL problem, is that she is there for good! I would pick my battles- here, you did all you could. Besides, if she is inviting her friends, what are the chances that you will ever see those folks again?
OMG – Idea! What if you asked her to make the NY shower no gifts…? That way guests not invited to the wedding would not feel they had to bring one…. jsut a thought.
Post # 16
Yea, at least they are people you dont personally know. Plus if they know she hosted both parties, im sure they will know its not your fault