- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I’m a new member here and I’ve posted a bit but this situation is distressing so I’ve created this name to get some advice on the situation. I apologize in advance for the tl;dr-ness.
Both myself and FI are 27 and he proposed about 2 months ago. I should be excited and starting to plan, right? Well, no. I’ve been a nervous wreck since he put the ring on my finger. It isn’t him, we’ve been together for almost 8 years now and I love him more and more each day. His mom is really the problem here. Here’s some history: About a year and a half into our relationship, I caught him with someone else. We were young and we made mistakes but we worked through it and have never had another problem since. Ever since then, FMIL has had more than a few colorful words for me and she brings up the incident every chance she gets to talk to me alone. Literally. She still asks me “Well, you know it was your fault, right? You did something to him to make him cheat.” and as respectful as I try to be, I can’t take it anymore. She still tells me I’m “too heavy” for her boy and that I should try another diet, she pokes fun at my ethnicity and heritage (which I’m very proud of), when he invites her over, she snoops when I’m away. To call her brazen is an understatement.
I’ve spoken with FI about it MANY times over the years and he’ll call her up and tell her off but that only works temporarily; a month later and she’ll be back at it again. Here’s my problem. I don’t even want to have a wedding anymore. My family isn’t fond of her because of all the stress and pressure she’s put on me over the years. I’ve spoken with my parents individually and extended family members to ask them to keep the peace, as a favor to ME. “No promises” was the collective response. They’re a rowdy bunch to begin with and they’ve been waiting to meet her and tell her how they really feel. I’ve had dreams of a big wedding forever but if this is how it will be, I’d rather elope but FI really doesn’t seem to agree. If I go through with this wedding, that makes the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, dress shopping (which she just tried to invited herself to through FI) and every other family related activity a giant pain in my ass. That’s just not what I want.
Bees, I sort of feel like I can’t win here. I certainly (read: sadly) can’t curse her out and be done with it, I can’t count on anyone to remain civil at the actual ceremony, and I can’t elope. I know this whole thing just sounds stupid but can anyone lend this hot anxious mess some advice?