- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Ummm sounds like she is pocketing some of that money. Do you have proof that she is actually paying that amount of money? Personally, I would just stop giving her the money, and pay it yourself (your FI, anyway). She really can't do anythign about it. And what she has to realize is she is the COSIGNER, therefore she doesn't really have a leg to stand on negotiating with you guys. THis is his loan, not hers, and she needs to back off
It's hard because she wants that loan paid off so her name is off as a co-signer. Who knows, maybe she has something in mind that she'd like to purchase but can't because her debt ratio is caught up with your FI's loans. Also, I'd be pretty pissed if I co-signed for school loans and whomever I signed for dropped out.
On the other hand, she has to let go. Her son is an adult and needs freedom to make his own choices. I think that you have to respect your FI and FMIL's agreement and not get in the middle.
If you can afford it, help him pay off the loan as fast as humanly possible. When the loan is finished, she won't have hold over you anymore.
I would not apologize, but I also probably would have made FI deal with his mom. And if money is a concern I would have FI discuss the monthly payment amount with his parents once he moves out. $700/month is rediculous amount when you have other monthly responsibilities.
Nope. I dont think I'd apologize. That just sounds like a slippery slope with this overbearing woman. And her arguement that she cosigned the loans and could just not pay it and screw up her credit goes the SAME for her!!!! Your FI is on the loan too, if his mom screws up, its on HIS credit too. So to withhold that info from him is rediculous. Both parties of a loan should have equal access to it. But you said he was paying it before, was that to her or to the loan directly? He's a grown man about to get married, why is he letting his mother tell him how to handle his finances anyways??
I agree with @MrsSl82be: on this one. You need a printed accounting of the loan payments. Even if she co-signed the loan, your FI needs to get a copy of the current balance owing as well as the payment history ASAP.
That aside, I would just continue to DIRECTLY (to the lender, not FMIL) continue to make the minimum payments. She can't do ANYTHING if you are making the minimum payments.
@pinkshoes: He was paying it before, but when he moved home after he lost his job, FMIL said this was a condition of moving home. It was completely rediculous, but now he feels like he made an agreement and he can't go back on his word (ie, stop giving her the money and start paying it ourselves).
I don't think I'm going to apologize. I didn't do anything wrong - this is just so she has some feeling of control over the situation.
@MrsSl82be: That was my gut reaction.
$700/month x 12 months = $8,400/year. How much did he take out in loans to begin with? Her dodging questions definitely sounds like she's pocketing some money!
@cubicalmouse: Sure he can. If he wants to be as agressive as she is with paying it off, he can. But if he has to sacrafice and barely scrape by because he has to pay an extra $600 a month, that shouldnt be her decision to make anymore, especially if he's no longer under her roof.
If his minimum payment is 100$ how much does he have left if he has been paying 700? Are student loans normally 72 months or is it more?
What does your FI have to say about the situation?
Money is one of the hardest things, and dealing with money with the FIL's is REALLY tough!
I try my best to just keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself when I'm around my FI's family. I just let him know what I think later, if it involves me. Even then, it's really hard to talk about because he gets really defensive.
I agree with PPs that your FI needs to get the loan information from the lenders himself and verify that all payments have been made. If his SSN is on the loans, they should have no problem speaking to him directly.
Maybe you're not wrong, and apologizing really sucks if you're not the wrong one. But honestly, you're going to have to deal with this woman for a loooooooong time. It's probably worth it right now just to be the bigger person and try to smooth things over. Give yourself some time to calm down and then approach her about it later. Have your FI come with you if it helps!
I'm also curious as to whether she has actually paid all the money into the loans.
If in 2 weeks he will no longer be resident at his parent's house, the agreement he made when he moved back in will then be null and void.
Payments should be made directly to the loan company. Find out what the minimum is, and start making it.
More importantly DON'T APOLOGISE! Your FMIL should not be so heavily involved in your FIs personal financial business, not now.
My future FMIL also seems to think she needs to know all my FIs financial business. It really pisses me off no end. You need to nip this insane behaviour in the bud right now, at the beginning of your marriage.
Part of the problem is that, right now, YOU can't do anything. Your Fi needs to contact the lender, request the payment history, and change the login information to something FMIL won't have. He needs to talk directly to them, maybe on speaker with you there, and make sure that his mom can't make changes to his account (like the address change).
For future reference, if you are unemployed, you can petition to have student loan payments deferred until you are able to pay them again.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| LammChop | 17 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 17 |
| Lyndzo | 15 |
| Mrs. Chai | 14 |
| ticatica | 14 |
| beargoose | 12 |
| MissPumpkinPie | 12 |
| BellaDee | 12 |
| Ms. Salamander | 12 |
| MrsOliveBird | 11 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| bookworm88 | 2 |
| Rivendeler | 2 |
| Ms. Salamander | 2 |
| GoldfishPie | 1 |
| PinkPinstripes | 1 |
| allihappy | 1 |
| mightywombat | 1 |
| angela85 | 1 |
| sara_tiara | 1 |
| claireos | 1 |
Hi bees! I have a bad situation with my FMIL, and I can’t really talk to anyone in real life about it.
Back when FI was 18 & 19, FMIL co-signed on his student loans for private school. FI dropped out of college for a bit, and he’s been making payments on the loans ever since. FI was unemployed, and he was making the minimum payments on the loans. FMIL was not pleased for some strange reason, and when FI moved back with his parents about a year and a half ago, FMIL said the condition to moving home was that FI pay $700/month on the loans (the minimum payments are $100), and he had to give her the money, and she would pay them, even though he was never late, and his credit is above average (but not good enough to get a student loan on his own - they are really strict about that).
So I’m looking into getting a MA for guidance counseling, during part of which I can’t work. We were thinking about getting a loan to cover the semester I would “student counsel”, and so I was researching that. And, I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but I was looking at Sallie Mae loans, and somehow, FI’s Sallie Mae information for his undergraduate loan got changed. I had used my address as his address just in case Sallie Mae wanted to send information via mail, because FMIL opens FI’s mail (even though it’s illegal, she says, “It’s my address, therefore I can open it.”) I just didn’t want her to question us regarding our financial decisions – which she has done about my engagement ring and the car we just bought.
So somehow, FI’s address was changed on Sallie Mae. FMIL called us Friday night because she couldn’t make the payment like she normally does – I have no idea why. During the conversation, I mentioned that, since FI and I are getting married in a few weeks, we should get the login’s and passwords for FI’s loans.
FMIL: That’s not going to happen.
Me: Why not? They are FI’s loans.
FMIL: Because it’s my credit, and it’s my name on the loans.
So I asked her, repeatedly, if FI had ever been late on the loans, and if he hadn’t, what was her reasoning for not allowing her son to make payments out of his own bank account. FMIL continued to dodge the question, and made random statements about how she was cosigned and so we had to do what we said, and we couldn’t just not pay the loans… which was not my intent. Anyway, I was in the middle of dinner with my family, and said we would discuss later.
Saturday night, FI gets to his house, and FMIL starts yelling about kicking him out (two weeks before he moves out) and cancelling the loan (um, she’s a few years too late… You can’t just not be a co-signer anymore). FI finally negotiated to us taking over the payments in a year – until then, we have to keep giving her the insane amount of money every month. ($700 is more than 1/3 of his income.)
So now my question is this: FMIL wants me to apologize for “inconveniencing her” by the address accidentally changing FI’s address on his Sallie Mae loan (when I didn’t even know one of FI’s loans was Sallie Mae, and if she didn’t read his mail, I wouldn’t have put my address as his!). FI wants to just keep the peace and placate her, but I really don’t think I should have to.
What do you all think? Should I apologize? Sorry this is so long.