- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 1992
Hi bees! I have a bad situation with my Future Mother-In-Law, and I can’t really talk to anyone in real life about it.
Back when Fiance was 18 & 19, Future Mother-In-Law co-signed on his student loans for private school. Fiance dropped out of college for a bit, and he’s been making payments on the loans ever since. Fiance was unemployed, and he was making the minimum payments on the loans. Future Mother-In-Law was not pleased for some strange reason, and when Fiance moved back with his parents about a year and a half ago, Future Mother-In-Law said the condition to moving home was that Fiance pay $700/month on the loans (the minimum payments are $100), and he had to give her the money, and she would pay them, even though he was never late, and his credit is above average (but not good enough to get a student loan on his own – they are really strict about that).
So I’m looking into getting a MA for guidance counseling, during part of which I can’t work. We were thinking about getting a loan to cover the semester I would “student counsel”, and so I was researching that. And, I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but I was looking at Sallie Mae loans, and somehow, FI’s Sallie Mae information for his undergraduate loan got changed. I had used my address as his address just in case Sallie Mae wanted to send information via mail, because Future Mother-In-Law opens FI’s mail (even though it’s illegal, she says, “It’s my address, therefore I can open it.”) I just didn’t want her to question us regarding our financial decisions – which she has done about my engagement ring and the car we just bought.
So somehow, FI’s address was changed on Sallie Mae. Future Mother-In-Law called us Friday night because she couldn’t make the payment like she normally does – I have no idea why. During the conversation, I mentioned that, since Fiance and I are getting married in a few weeks, we should get the login’s and passwords for FI’s loans.
Future Mother-In-Law: That’s not going to happen.
Me: Why not? They are FI’s loans.
Future Mother-In-Law: Because it’s my credit, and it’s my name on the loans.
So I asked her, repeatedly, if Fiance had ever been late on the loans, and if he hadn’t, what was her reasoning for not allowing her son to make payments out of his own bank account. Future Mother-In-Law continued to dodge the question, and made random statements about how she was cosigned and so we had to do what we said, and we couldn’t just not pay the loans… which was not my intent. Anyway, I was in the middle of dinner with my family, and said we would discuss later.
Saturday night, Fiance gets to his house, and Future Mother-In-Law starts yelling about kicking him out (two weeks before he moves out) and cancelling the loan (um, she’s a few years too late… You can’t just not be a co-signer anymore). Fiance finally negotiated to us taking over the payments in a year – until then, we have to keep giving her the insane amount of money every month. ($700 is more than 1/3 of his income.)
So now my question is this: Future Mother-In-Law wants me to apologize for “inconveniencing her” by the address accidentally changing FI’s address on his Sallie Mae loan (when I didn’t even know one of FI’s loans was Sallie Mae, and if she didn’t read his mail, I wouldn’t have put my address as his!). Fiance wants to just keep the peace and placate her, but I really don’t think I should have to.
What do you all think? Should I apologize? Sorry this is so long.