(Closed) FMIL is unhappy with our reception only invitations!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

So is she paying for the at home reception? Is that right? If that’s right then her name should have been added as hostess of the party. I.e., (FMIL’s name) invites you to celebrate the recent marriage of her son and his wife….”

Post # 4
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If she is hosting the reception I think you should have put her name on the invite. I dont think people would have confused. Its just a way to show your appriciation for the fact that she is paying for it. I know its too late to change it now, but i dont think she was wrong for being bothered by it.

Post # 6
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

As hostess, her name should have been on them. You asked for her input; she should have told you there was a problem in a timely fashion. You’re both at fault. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Why did you post, asking our opinions, only to say you won’t be blamed for this and you have no intention of following etiquette?  As others have stated, you should have included her name since she is paying for the reception, regardless of the fact that you paid for the invitations (if she’s paying for the majority of the rest of the reception).

At this point, if reprinting isn’t an option, I would apologize to her and tell her you’re sorry about the miscommunication.

Post # 10
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@2bMrsG: if you don’t want to have a reception, then don’t have a reception.  It sounds like your FMIL wanted to do something nice and has likely always wanted to celebrate this milestone in her son’s life.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to want her name on the invite or want input on the wording, etc.  I also think it’s ridiculous that she didn’t respond to the proof for a month.

Best of luck, in whatever you decide to do.

Post # 12
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@2bMrsG: I think once everyone cools down, it will be better. Technically speaking if she is paying for the event, her name should be on the invite as a hostess. Yeah, it’s not fair to your parents, but they aren’t paying for or throwing it. Try to find a compromise. You can send your version out to your family and then print new ones with her name to send to his family and her friends. That way she is happy her name is on it and your parents won’t feel like it’s unfair that their names are not on it.

Post # 13
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@2bMrsG: Youre lucky your fmil is helping pay for it. She SHOULD have been on the invites, and the way it sounds to me you purposely did not include her.

“The invitations were my attempt at making it our reception.”

The reception is yours, she is throwing you two a party, where you both will receive gifts from her friends.

However, she should have responded to the proof and told you that she expected to be on there. You likely hurt her feelings by not including her. Here she is spending money on you two, and she likely expected you two to follow etiquette and include her.

It sounds like to me you want a reception, want everything your way but don’t want to pay for it. Unfortunately free money does come with strings.

Post # 14
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

This is what we did because only my Dad was paying for the reception:

(Bride’s Dad’s name) invites you to celebrate the recent marriage of his daughter to Groom’s name, son of (groom’s parents names)….

Now, I get that she missed it when you emailed her the proof so just move on now. You are right. If her friends don’t recognize her son’s name on the invite are they really that close to her?

Try not to sweat the small-ish stuff 🙂

Post # 15
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with the PP, who ever is paying for it should have their name on the invite.  Even if that means one set of parents are not on the invite, if they are not helping pay for it then no names. 

Post # 16
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Whoa….I was all ready to agree with you since we are in the same spot of not being able to afford to do many of the things we want to do for our wedding.  As a result–we are lucky that my FMIL is helping us out by paying for the tent for our reception, helping pay for the church, etc…  I have some concerns that since she is letting us have the reception in her backyard that we may not be able to decorate exactly like we want to, etc…, BUT, I also have to understand that because she is footing the bill for some of our wedding she also has the right to make some decisions and have a say-so in our planning.  I realize we do not have to put her name on our invitations but I am doing so because she also does not have to contribute to our wedding monetarily the way that she is. 

 Although it is too late to do so, I do think you should have included her name on the invitations.  It does not seem as if you are ready to hear that since you have said you will not take any blame for not including her but I have to agree with the person above who asked why you would ask for opinions on here and then refuse to accept them if we don’t say you were correct or say what you want to hear??

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