Post # 1
I just found out last night that my FMIL is upset that I’m not including her MORE in the wedding planning. For example, my mom and I met with the florist on Sunday and FMIL is upset I didnt invite her. A little background…my parents are paying for my entire wedding.
Anyway, NO, I had no intention of inviting my FMIL for the simple fact that its my wedding, I’m the only daughter and my mom and I are really enjoying planning my wedding, just us. Kind of some mother/daughter bonding time, plus, I think all moms are excited to help their daughter plan their wedding. Also, FMIL has already helped her own daughter plan a wedding.
I have included my FMIL in bridesmaid dress shopping, the bridal shower planning with my MOH, bachelorette party planning with my MOH, mini-bachelorette party planning (My FH has a 7 year old daughter that cant go to the adult party, so we’re doing a smaller one so she is involved more), MOB/MOG dress shopping rehearsal dinner, etc.
I’m not entirely sure what she’s so upset about. No, she will not be going cake testing, no she will not be going reception food taste testing…what else is there to not to invite her to? I already have my wedding dress. Yes, she, along with my mother, MOH, bridesmaid, etc will all be there at my final fitting to help with the bustle.
Am I the only one that feels like I’m doing something wrong here? I’m trying to make sure I include everyone but for some reason, she is the only one that feels like I’m not including her!
Post # 3
I am going through the same thing. Only I have invited FMIL to pretty much all of our appointments just to be nice, and she has turned them all down. Then she complains that we don’t include her in anything. Sometimes you just can’t win.
Can you invite her to one appointment maybe? Sometimes it is better to offer just to keep the peace. Remember, you will be dealing with this woman forever. Good luck!
Post # 4
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this I would say maybe consider inviting her to the tasting? (though if you don’t want to, I totally understand that too!) That was actually one thing that we could get the FILs to come to (hmmmmm, wonder why, haha) and it was actually nice to have the time with them, us and my parents. I decided early on that she would not be included in the dress at all, that was something that was most definitely me & my mom – and now, we don’t invite her to the big things since she says no to all the little things.
Perhaps you could ask her what she wants to be included in? And mention that there are some things that you want to experience with just FI or just your mom since that time is really important to her (and that you imagine she understands since she had that time with her daughter as well)?
i agree with @Legallyblondiebride you just sometimes can’t win. My FMIL is CONSTANTLY telling us that she wants to help and do small things to be a part of the wedding process and then when we invite her she ALWAYS has an excuse – it is so hurtful, and I know that she complains about it to other people and says that it is “my” wedding when my FW and I invite her ALL the time.
Post # 5
I think you’ve been gracious to invite her to all that you have already. She will have to deal with it, if you don’t feel like budging on your mother/daughter time!
Post # 6
I am in the SAMMMEEE exact situation haha! What shes attended/will attend is picking my gown, BM dresses, boys suits, meeting with 1 florist and she’s going to give me something to borrow for the wedding. She/her daughter(my BM) are planning the rehersal dinner. Yet she’s ignoring me now because she isn’t doing enough.
My mothers first daughters wedding > her sons wedding when she planned her daughters already.
Post # 7
@FutureMrsDavis10132012: I understand wanting to go dress shopping with your mom because its special. I think you have involved your FMIL in a lot of the process. Maybe you can invite her to the food tasting and you and your mom can do the cake tasting together.