(Closed) FMIL is wearing a dress that is nicer than my BM’s!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think that is ridiculous! this kind of think kind of urkes my turtle

Post # 4
4824 posts
Honey bee


Its your mom’s choice to not wear “as nice a dress”. Maybe she will want to get a different dress now.  She wants to look good for the wedding and make sure she coordinates it. Other people would be furious at their Future Mother-In-Law if they chose a color that clashed.

IF she looks weird, then others will notice she looks weird or is trying to hard and that will not reflect on you, only her.

Post # 5
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Pardon me but yeah, you’re being bridezilla.

I wore the exact same dress as the BM’s once. EXACT same… no I didn’t want to but still I felt to an utter freggin’ idiot. I’m sure everyone else thought I was one too.

She’ll look like the idiot, let her be.

Post # 6
671 posts
Busy bee

hmm.. I think you are being a bridezilla. I think she just wants to look nice and have your pictures look nice. If your parents are not in coordinating colors they will stand out for obvious reasons.. I have never heard of someone going dressed too nicely at a wedding.. 

Post # 7
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Bridezilla? Nah. 

But I do think you have a little tunnel vision going on. Future Mother-In-Law just seems enthusiastic–she probably thinks it’s honoring and respecting your vision by matching (I think it’s kind of cute, really). 

This is your FMIL? You can’t tell her to change what she’s going to wear, unless it’s too short or too low-cut, see-through or white. But expensive and fancy is sort of her choice. I don’t think that your mother will look any more or less special–everyone just has their own style. Plus, no one will even remember what the MOB and MOG look like!

I say, take a deep breath and give it a few days. I don’t think it’ll matter as much to you with some distance. 

Post # 8
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

What color is it?

Honestly, I really don’t think it matters what your Future Mother-In-Law wears & I think you are heated in the moment.  Take a few deep breaths and stop thinking about it for the day.  If she in some crazy fancy dress and no one else is – she’s the one who will stick out like a sore thumb.  Unfortunately, you don’t have a lot of control over her or any other guest wears (outside of the bridal party).  If they choose to be matchy, matchy – there isn’t a whole lot you can do.  My Mother-In-Law bought hand corsages for herself and her daughter – I didn’t notice on the day of the wedding, but had a good laugh at the pictures (especially since we had a hand-held bouquet for her).  Ah, MIL’s -it’s sometimes better for one’s mental health to let the non-important stuff roll off your back.  Keep the war for the major things.

Post # 9
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would expect the MOB and MOG to wear nice dresses, even nicer ones than the BMs. I mean, the BMs are paying like $125 for their dress, my mom is probably going to buy a $500 dress, of course it will be nicer! The MOB and MOG should wear something nice, they are technically in the wedding party. I don’t see why they can’t coordinate. As long as she’s not buying the same exact dress, who cares?

Post # 10
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This is just my experience… there are some things you can control and some you can’t.  It’s sounds like you’ve expressed your opinion to her.  Now it’s her turn to act on that information – she can either go along with what you say or not.  Either way, it’s her decision and there isn’t really anything you can do about it. 

I had frustrating situations like this too, and what I learned was that I had to focus on things that are really important to us like making sure family would be able to be at our wedding and preparing to enter marriage.

Post # 11
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Kinda both.

At the end of the day, she can wear whatever she wants. Matching or not matching, fancy or not fancy.

But it does seem a bit of an odd decision, on her part. If it really is out of place, the guests will notice, and like PPs have said, it will be her that looks silly. Also, your mom shouldn’t be embarassed because she isn’t as fancy-pants as Future Mother-In-Law wants to be. Just reassure your mom that she looks appropriate. Besides, how many pics will ALL of you be in anyways? I can’t imagine there will be that many.

Post # 12
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t call you a bridezilla, because weddings are stressful and everyone fixates on something and can’t move past it. I think you’re just stressing. Honestly, she’s giving you money, she can wear what she wants. My parents are paying for mine, and sometimes you just have to give in. Fight the battles you need to, and let her choose her wardrobe.

Post # 13
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You are being a Bridezilla.

This is a very important day for the Mother of the Groom too, plus she has put so much money into the wedding. Why on earth would it matter if she looked nicer than the bridal party? I think you should be pleased that she is making such an effort to find something beautiful to wear to your wedding.

Post # 14
42 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

a friend of mine got married straight outta college, and her mother couldn’t find anything except a dress in ivory (same color as the wedding gown) and her MIL’s dress ended up matching the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses color exactly only it was a nicer dress… I have to say looking at the wedding pictures, they all looked great, no one stood out and it didn’t look weird.  Even in the family portrait, it actually kinda looked nice to have everyone in ivory/cornflower/or black(tux)…

Post # 15
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wouldn’t worry about the “quality” of the dress.  My mom wore a REALLY fancy dress while my Mother-In-Law wore a nice dress.  It worked out FINE.  There are only very few pictures with both of them in it.  

If you want to try to get her to wear a different color then maybe come up with some good accent color suggestions.  Finding a MIL/MOB dress is hard.  Giving her lots of color choices is a good thing.  There really aren’t a lot of dresses that don’t look too young (aka like a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress) or really old lady which no mother wants to look like.  

Also, I wouldn’t worry about the guys so much either.  Suits/Tuxes all look pretty much the same in pictures.  

Post # 16
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

bridezilla 🙂  haha, I write that jokingly.  you shouldn’t sweat the small stuff.  in the grand scheme of themes, the color of her outfit isn’t that important! 🙂

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