Post # 1
My FMIL and I had a fine relationship before she heard we were engaged. Since then everything has turned sour. She has been single her entire life and thinks of all relationships as weak and controlling. I understand that she has a different midest because she has been alone, but trust me when I say she has chosen this route for her life. She does not acknowledge that the wedding is happening all, and when she does it is only negative comments. She demanded that all of her family was invited but basically refused to participate and give us their addresses. We finally had to get them from a distant cousin. She constantly bashes my family for spending money and says that all of this is “unecessary”. I have tried reaching out to her but she immediately asks that her son be put on the phone. I understand that these are her most likely her own deep seeded issues but I feel hurt that she is acting this way. I am marrying her only child and you’d think all she would be concerned about was his happiness, but that is not the case. I know I should let things slide but I will not let myself or my family be treated like second class citizens. Worst of all she is actually hurting my fiance by these actions. Advice as to how to handle this?
Post # 3
I am so sorry you are dealing with, it sounds very hurtful. This should be a happy time for her as well as you. On the bright side, maybe you won’t have her intruding on your wedding plans much.
Maybe it would be good to reach out to her but only regarding non-wedding things. If she doesn’t want to be a part of that then that’s her choice and there’s no reason to let her dampen your mood. Maybe just be cordial/friendly and hope she comes around. Good luck!
Post # 4
Your FI needs to get involved if she’s trashing your family and you.
He needs to sit her down and tell her that he will not accept her talking bad about you guys, and that she doesn’t have to like you, but she does have to respect you. And that’s HIS job as her son to set her straight, not yours, because obviously she can just blow you off.
That said, you might just have to brush this all off as having an insane MIL. Yeah, it hurts that she talks bad about your family, but practically speaking, short of starting a brawl (if that would even work), how can you stop her? Don’t stoop to her crazy. Smile, be nice, and avoid her, maybe even hope she doesn’t show up.
Post # 5
My FI does stick up for me and my family, but it still just pisses me off that he even has to. In recent months he has drastically limited his conversations with her. Of course this is not the ideal situation, but the less they talk, the less chance they have of fighting. It’s just frustrating that this is what we are going to have to deal with for the rest of our lives. He has even said that he would rather just not speak to her at all, but no matter how terrible she is to me, I really dont want that. She really is his only family member (hence her controlling issues) and I dont want him to lose that. The limited contact has really made things better though. The less she knows, not only about the wedding, but about our lives in general, the less ammo and leverage she has for her tantrums.