Post # 1
I’m having some very frustrating issues with my FMIL. Throughout the planning process, she has acted as if she’s fine with the decisions we make and later, after decisions have been made, she will hint that she’s not happy and expect us to change. We have over 200 people on our guest list–our families are huge. We aren’t even inviting several friends who we would like to invite. Both my FMIL and FFIL (they’re divorced) are inviting 8 people each that are their friends, that FI and I don’t even really know. I thought that was generous! My parents didn’t ask to invite ANY friends.
We know the person making our cake. Her parents are friends with my FMIL. She’s begging us to invite them. Invitations have already been sent to everyone. My fiance has said no several times, and now she’s talking to me telling me that it’s not fair to not invite them.
In addition to this, my mom is predominantly planning my shower. FMIL said she will help but has not taken the initiative to contact my mom. SHe got upset that my mom made invitations without talking to her–my mom is the type of person that just likes to plan things and is going to do everything herself if FMIL doesn’t tell her what she wants to do. Also, she wants to invite 3 of her friends to the shower–is that normal? I don’t know them and I therefore don’t understand why they would come to my shower.
Sorry for the long post but I don’t know what to do about her anymore! She’s very high maintenance and is using our wedding as a social event for herself. She’s afraid of her ex-husbands family and friends out numbering hers. I have no time in my life for such pettiness!
Has anyone else experienced this? What do I do??
Post # 3
I also need to add that this has put considerable stress on us and is making my fiance very disenchanted with wedding planning. It makes me sad because I think we both deserve to be excited but can’t be because of the stress of the drama 🙁
Post # 4
i would arrange a sit down with you, your fi and your mil. then, calmly say exactly what you wrote. doesn’t have to be formal, maybe you could have dinner together this week.
let her know that your fi and you have discussed it and no more invitations will be going out – period. tell her that you hope that she’ll be happy with the 8 friends she will have there, and isn’t it nice that she’ll have them on the day?
have your fi do the lion’s share of the talking if possible, but you should be a united front so that she can’t call you or your FI the next day to test the boundaries.
and just cause i’m crafty i’d make up a little anecdote about a friend, let’s call her mary, who is really stressing you out. Mary wasn’t invited with a +1 since she’s not dating anyone, but she’s pestering you for a +1 so she can bring a friend. isn’t that rude MIL? i mean, it’s not a saturday night party, it’s our wedding, we only want people who are close to us there/the budget is climbing/etc….at this point she’ll hopefully agree that yes, mary is in fact being rude 🙂
also let her know that your mother is looking forward to hosting the shower with her! *HINT*
Post # 5
As for invites to the wedding this is what we did. Figure out ALL the costs to have each person at the wedding. Each parent is allowed so many, after that, they cover the cost per person. So if MIL wants to invite four more people tell her its $xxx per person if she wants them there.
As for the shower tell her to get in touch with your mom as she is taking care of everything and it’s out of your control.