- 3 years ago
I am new to this site and this is my first post! I have been engaged a little over a year and our wedding is 4 months away! FI and I have been together for four years, I love him and and so excited to be marrying him! The only problem is my FMIL, she has made planning the wedding the wost experience of my life.
FI is very close to his parents, they really don’t have extended family and his brother and sister are not as close to the parents. He is the baby of the family and he also works for the family business. His mother definitely is not happy about losing the control over him….even though he is a 30 year old man. FMIL and I are not close and that is because of her actions. She has always made rude comments about me or my daughter to my face or to other people and I’ve heard about it. I used to always let it go and say “it’s just how she is”. Well when we got engaged she got worse.
Soon after our engagement we had my mom and FI’s parents over for dinner to talk about the wedding. We have known since before we were engaged that my mom would be giving us a specific amount of money, to either have a wedding or go on vacation, but she by no means would be paying for the entire wedding. We were prepared to pay for our wedding and have the wedding we could afford. Well FMIL brough a paper printed from yahoo that said who typically pays for what. It was very rude! We also didnt ecpect them to pay for anything but if they wanted to help at all we would be greatful. So at that meeting she was mad at us for not wanting to get married at the venue of her choice (a country club) we wanted to get married at a winery. She aslo thought I should have FI’s sister in the wedding, who is 18 years older then him and I’ve only met her once (she lives out of the state) I told her that my bridesmaids were my decision to make. We are trying to keep the guest list to 150 people, 50 of my family 50 of our joint friends and 50 from his side. The 50 from his side is basically all his parents friends because they have no family. Well FMIL gave us a list of 100 people, just her friends, doesnt want to help pay but thinks were so rude for asking her to cut her list in half!
Well, after this dinner (which went horribly) FMIL continued to bad mouth both me and my mother and finally I sent her an email asking her to stop. I pointed out some of the mean and hurtful things she said in the past and some of the recent things she said about my family. I told her in the email that we want their input about planning our wedding but she cant get so angry if we dont take her suggestion (ex the venue choice) It didnt go over will at first, she never apoligized but she did start acting nicer. I always felt it was fake but at least she was civil.
Fast forward to now… over a year later… for the past year we have all got along. FMIL has been her fake nice self and I am nice to them. I always hug them and say hello (even though I am just not the hugging type) engaged in conversation and been respectful. FI’s parents offered to bay for the catering for the wedding, which we are thankful for. I recently got a very nasty email from her because she is upset that we have decided to have the rehearsal dinner at our hosue. We decided this to save money But her email was not just about the dinner, it was about anything she thought was wrong with me. She said her and FFIL think I am threatened by their relation ship with FI. Which I am not, I am very close with my family and expect the same from FI. She said I need to get my drinking under control ( I occasionally have a glass or two of wine) She keeps telling me that I need to be more respectful.
I have had enough of this women. She gets mean like this whenever things dont go her way. She acted like this when we bought our home becasue it was not in the city she thought it should be in. anyways, I told my FI that it is time for him to tlak to them and stand up for me. He did even though he doesnt like to confront them becuase he knows how they are. He told her that her email to me was not appropriate and basically went over the things she said and told her how they were not true/unfair. They didnt like this and they wont say sorry and I know they wont change. They ended the conversation with him by saying that I need to respect my elders and be nice to them. I have been nice to them, I just dont have the personality that they want. When they come over I say hello and give them a hug but I think they want a huge burst of excitment from me, which is just not me. I quiet and keep to myself most of the time. They want to have a relationship with me they said, they want me to pick up the phone and talk about my day with them. But after the way I’ve been treated I dont want to.
Sorry this was so long, I just needed to vent. I feel like FI is stuck in the middle because he loves them but thinks they are craxy. I just dont know how to deal with FMIL
does anyone else have a crazy controlling FMIL? How did you deal with her?