Post # 1
I know I don’t post much, lurker really need some support anadvice, since no one in my family will.
First off, we have received very little emotional support from both sides of our families. We confronted my parents about it and they said that they would be happy with anything we decided, and that they were still shocked about the engagement, but that they like my fiancé. Theyhelped themselves over 25 years ago, and don’t know anything about weddings.
His family is a long story, but basically his mom’s main concern was her family attending, but we told her if they don’t come, it is their problem and we are not making our wedding plans around her sister.
Anyway, after continuous non-support for the next couple of months, my fiancé and his mom get into a huge screaming match over the phone. Basically his mom admits that she thinks I have brainwashed her son into rejecting his family. I love his family and actually want to be closer with his family, but his mom doesn’t shut her mouth long enough for me to “introduce” myself to his family. We started dating when we were fifteen, and we are now 21. Our wedding will be next summer. She says that because he isn’t “the same person” he was when we started dating, and that it is all my fault for manipulating him into hating his family and “pulling him away”.
fiancé was appalled that his mother said this and proceeded to lose his temper and cuss her out, which he now regrets, of course. The rest of his family said (behind his mother’s back) that she is wrong and they support us, but they won’t stand up to his mom for fear of “upsetting” her. I feel like they just left us under the bus and didn’t bother helping us out. They are more willing to let our wedding excitement and planning be ruined than to say something to his mom. It made me feel betrayed, but I am not angry at them. I understand the reasoning for not gettinG in the middle, but having nounsupported from anyone makes us feel hurt and alone. It is to the point we don’t want a ceremony because no one seems to really care.
What are your opinions on this? Am I crazy? Is she crazy? What do we do now? What would you do? I literally have NO ONE to help me with this. 🙁
Post # 3
Oh wow… I went through this EXACT issue 2 years ago! Fiance and I have been dating since I was 17 and got engaged when I was 23. When I was 22, some issues happened (which I wont go into) and Future Mother-In-Law sent me this huge email which opened with ‘I know you are stealing me son away from me, but I will let you because I love him so much’. The email went on and on listing all the things I have done ‘wrong’ over the years and was really mean and hurtful. She told me my Fiance was drifting from the family and it was my fault. She told me I was rude because it took a few years for me to really be comfortable around them…. She had the audacity to sign it ‘Love, mum’.
Fiance (then boyfriend) basically told her to F-off and we didnt speak to them for an entire year, it was during that time when we got engaged. We ended up coming together again when his family threw a party for his dad. His mum pretty much threw herself at us when she went in for a hug and cried for a long time. I think she realised what she had done and during the year we didnt speak, she obviously did some thinking!
Things are ok between us now. I am a lot more guarded and things are more ‘formal’ between us. But I prefer that. I feel more in control and I feel like she is seeing me more like a woman than the girl I used to be.
Your Mother-In-Law needs to realise that yes, your Fiance has changed. Its a natural part of growing up! I am sure you have changed just as much as he has and I am sure she changed when she got married!
Have your wedding and pity the people who dont attend. Your Fiance stood up for you. He loves you. Marry the man, have a good marriage and if the door eventually opens between you and your inlaws, take it and start over again. Hopefully the second time around things work a bit better between you 🙂
Post # 4
You’re not alone Bee sister! Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t like me either because I’m older than Fiance, divorced and here’s the biggie….I’m a woman of color. She’s Korean and would prefer Fiance marry an all-american white girl or a Korean girl. We were manipulated into cancelling our Destination Wedding wedding because they don’t want to close their business. It ws really a stall tactic in hopes that we would cancel. Future Mother-In-Law was working behind the scenes like a master puppeteer getting Future Father-In-Law to do her dirty work. Future Father-In-Law does this to keep his happy home and makes excuses for her “Oh that’s just how she is” and he won’t do anything about the appallingway she treats her two children. Fiance finally got hip to their games and has told her off many a time until a few weeks ago she pulled the “I’m not going to the wedding, I have no son” card. He was like “fine” and walked out. Hasn’t spoken to her since.
Move on and get married. I wish Fiance had seen the light sooner instead of believing only good things about his parents but I can’t blame him. They finally showed their true colors. They come or they don’t come, that’s up to them and something that THEY have to live with. As long as he’s got your back in this, you’re golden. If he wasn’t standing up for you or your soon to be family unit then that would be a problem.