- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
So, I’ve never really felt comfy with my FMIL. Since the first day of meeting her, I felt like she had an agenda…or just an overall sneaky personality. And boy, was my gut feeling right.
Before getting engaged, she was okay. Not an amazing person, but not a horrific one either. Fast forward to the engagement, and the insanity began. She was interfering in EVERYTHING from what kind of ring I should have to the length of the dress I should wear at MY engagement party. If I told her that I had a differing opinion than hers, then I would get ignored for weeks….
Needless to say, this stressed me out immensly as I am very independent and self efficient. My parents are very easy going and let me make my own decisions in life…so you can imagine that her contant injections of her opinions frustrated me quite a bit. I vented a lot of my fiance and my parents because I simply didn’t know how to deal with her! She would tell fiance that he didn’t seem happy (which is because she nags all the freakin’ time!), or that it’s not too late to back out, or that I must be an alcoholic whore drug dealer because I live alone (My parents live in another country..who do you want me to live with!?). Anyways, my parents flew down for the engagement, and a couple days after, my dad gave her a very stern talk telling her that if this wedding is to happen, she cannot interfere every 3 seconds.
Of course this angered her. I mean, how dare someone put her in her place?! So, it’s been 3 months that she’s been mad at my family and refuses to talk to them. She’s also furious with me because “how dare I complain about her”. Since August, she’s been nagging my fiance to do something about this (go tell my dad she’s mad and is expecting an apology, go tell me to tell my parents, etc). He has stayed out of it and has told her that if she has something to say to my parents, she should do so herself because he simply doesn’t agree with her reasoning. A couple nights ago, she nagged for the millionth time and he LOST it. He told her that even if I did complain about her, I was right because she interferes in everything and is ruining our life. He also added “she even has emails proving how much you interfere”. This was the breaking point for me. I told him that she already thinks I’m a horrible person, so basically telling her that I am blackmailing her with emails is like shooting everything in the face.
So, I decided to call her to set things straight.
I called, and within seconds she started YELLING at me nonstop about how mad she is at my parents (I didn’t bring up this parents thing..), and how they were “so rude” to her, and how she “wanted to throw herself off the balcony” (hahaha dramatic much?), and how she USED to consider me her daughter, but not anymore, etc etc. She yelled at me for not involving her in the wedding, at which point I told her that there was nothing for her to be involved in, and that she doesn’t know how to compromise anyways. She proceeded to tell me that I HAVE to do anything and everything her and my parents tell me to do because they know better and that this wedding isn’t for me, but is for them. At some point, I started crying on the phone because she was being so mean, and she didn’t even miss a beat. Kept yelling and yelling. It was like beating a horse already knocked down…Horrific. I then told her that I wanted us to be a family, and that I didn’t want misunderstandings or anger. She said that the only way to fix this is to tell my dad she expects an apology, at which point, I repeated for the 10th time that I wouldn’t because it was her battle not mine. She also said that I manipulate her son because all he does is defend me..I said “do you really think I call him everyday reminding him to defend me???”
God..it went on and on…eventually, I told her I wanted to fix this, and she said that it’s too late and that she’s so disappointed in me. So I said goodnight and that I was sorry again and and hung up.
Now, as you can imagine, I’ve been absolutely distraught for the last few days.
1. Noone has EVER spoken to me so aggressively in my life. I love my fiance very much, but if this is what I have to deal with, then I’m having second thoughts about the wedding
2. I would never have her involved in any aspect of the wedding because her taste is tacky as hell and because she is incapable of compromise
3. Do I tell my parents what happened?! On the one hand, I’m dying to simply to vent. But on the other, my dad has no patience for these childish games, and will for sure call the wedding off. She’s already caused so much trouble that my family has been quiet about for my sake, so I think that this would be the cherry on top.
4. Fiance is SO sorry and is telling me that he’s gona make her apologize. A forced apology is not what I care for. She is not sorry and never will be. She’s just a manipulative, controlling woman who is freaking out because her son prefers the way I think to hers.
5. IF she thought that pulling this stunt would scare me into giving her control of the wedding, then all I have to say is “hahahahaha!!”..If anything, I now want NOTHING to do with her ever.
I’m sorry this is long, but have any of you had similar experiences? Our wedding is in 10 months, and I don’t know how much more insanity I can deal with….What do you think I should do here?
Oh and, one last thing. She is invited to a wedding this weekend, and although FI and myself are not, she invited us to come to the church and peek in at the reception to get ideas for our decor. Although we already know exactly what we want, I humored her and told her I would go. I’m not wrong in now deciding not to go, correct? I won’t even tell her I’m not joining – if she can’t figure it out for herself, then I can’t help her.
I’m so furious that anyone would dare talk about my parents like that, and am even more angry at her behavior. What do I do!? :(((