Post # 1
Last time my FI’s family was in town to visit, they ran into some friends of theirs from their church who had moved to Dallas. (Small world, right?) Anyway, we were all standing around talking, and my FMIL starts telling them all about our wedding venue and the way we are decorating, the food, blah blah blah. I personally try not to talk about my wedding with people I’m not planning on inviting, so I was getting a little nervous. Then she told them the date and to expect an invitation!! We are already inviting way more people than we can accomodate, and we really can’t add more to the list. This wasn’t just one person, by the way, it was four! An entire family! What should I do? Should I talk to my FMIL or have FI talk to her? Am I overreacting?
Post # 3
Maybe the both of you can talk to her and calmly explain to her that she can’t keep inviting people. and remind her that you’re working on a budget.
my mom tried to invite a few people to my wedding(before we changed the date) and i probably wasn’t the calmest person when i told her she can’t do that because she isn’t helping to pay for the wedding. and she didn’t do it again. I did though go back to apologize for blowing up at her and calming told her that we can not afford extra people.
Post # 4
First, are they paying for a portion of the wedding (beyond any rehearsal dinner expenses?). It’s “etiquette” then that she may be entitled to invite people (I put that word in quotes mostly because I’m coming to loath wedding etiquette – it seems most rules just give away control of your wedding day).
If you & your FI don’t think she has any right to invite people, definitely have your FI talk to her about it. She’s probably just really excited about it & wants to have lots of people there to celebrate. I’ve become notorious these past few weeks for wanting to give out nostalgic<span style=”font-size: 11pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";”> invites to people we never considered originally, but have seen/talked to recently. Anyway, hopefully she’ll understand that you’re on a budget & only want people there that are important to you as a couple. And have her call that family to explain that she didn’t know about venue restraints & spoke out of turn.
You’re not over-reacting either. The guest list has been the single most stressful part of my wedding planning and neither set of parents have insisted we invite people. Just take deep breaths, stand firm with inviting only those you really want there, and be happy that so many people love you guys & want to be there on your wedding day (at least that’s what I keep telling myself)
Post # 5
Thanks bobbypenpearls and mowi322! The only wedding expense they are helping with is photography because his mom is super into pictures and wanted to help us spring for a good photog. We are dividing that cost three ways between us, my parents and his parents. And we already have let her invite people my FI doesn’t want to invite, and she just keeps doing it! I just have this horrible vision in my head of 20 extra people showing up to our wedding and having no where to sit! Plus, 20 extra people is like $1000 extra. She is just a very bold person and it’s difficult to get her to stop once she gets going on something …
Post # 6
Talk to her with your FI. My FI and I had to talk to his mom, and tell her we had to cut down the guest list. We told her she could blame it on us, but our immediate families, grandparents, and brothers/sisters of our parents added up to 138 people already. We could not have another 40 people added on from families she knows.
Good luck! The guest list is hard. Just make a decision and stick to it!
Post # 7
I would say talk to her with your FI or have him talk to her. you dont’ want to start your new married life on the wrong foot with your MIL.
my problem is getting FI to stop inviting people. If he is talking to someone he will mention we’re getting married and then turns to me and says, “Did we send them a save-the-date?” totally putting me on the spot. Um, no, why would we send them a save-the-date when we only see them once a year?
Agreed, guest list is hard. Good luck!