- 4 years ago
- Wedding: April 2014
My FMIL keeps saying she wants to help, and of course I want her to be involved in the planning. I have asked her to help with things that would be easy for her to do since she is retired but are tough for me since I work (like phone calls to confirm things or looking up information online – easy stuff, but I just don’t have enough hours in the day!) Ideally, I’d love it if I could say “I was thinking about getting custom cocktail napkins” and she could say “I found these three places that sell them, I think these styles look really nice, which one do you like best?” That would be SO helpful!!
Instead, she refused to do any of the things I asked for help with (she said I should hire a wedding planner!) and keeps trying to redo things I have already done. For instance, we are planning our own rehearsal dinner (because she pitched a hissy fit and said if she couldn’t just do everything her own way, she wouldn’t help at all, to which we said FINE) and I had already found the perfect venue. We let her know, and then for the next few days she was sending texts and emails to FI that made it clear she was calling around looking for a different venue. Undermining the work I’ve already done is even worse than not helping at all!
She has also made it clear that if she “helps” it means she will be making the entire decision and wants no input from us, she is not willing to work as a team on this at all. That makes no sense to me at all. It’s our wedding! Why on earth would a guest get any say at all over anything?
I’m not going to let her bully me into changing plans we’ve already made, but I still wish we could include her somehow. How can I get her to help with things we actually need help with? Or if that’s not possible, what on earth can I say to her to get her to stop offering to “fix” things that do not need fixing?