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I totally understand your feelings, but wouldn't it just cause more problems if you didn't invite her?
@seahorsey: that has been the one thing keeping me from making a solid decision on this matter, i dont want to do something to offend her bc she has been plenty cruel with no provocation. but at the same time, she would be the only one from his family there and pretty much everyone on my side knows how i feel about her and wouldnt be too friendly...
If she really hates you... she probably won't come. Especially without anyone that she is close to being in attendence. I'd invite her anyways.... then you're the "good guy". If she comes... ignore her. Good luck!
Invite her and make sure the hosts know the situation that way they can remove her if she becomes a problem. However, I doubt she'll come. You can always have you FH tell her she needs to be nice or not go.
I think you should definately invite her. Not inviting her will only add more fuel to her fire, and will be something she WONT forget... possibly punishing you for years to come.
Maybe invite her, but seat her a little further away from you, and around a couple of people she's comfortable with? You'll be busy with all of the lovely guests who are there to shower you with presents and hoo and haw over your special day... so I'm sure you'll be way to occupated enjoying yourself with the people supporting you to let her presence have any effect on your special day.
I just had my shower last Saturday. My FMIL was not invited. After a few choose words from her I decided to only invite the people I knew would come along with close friends and family. I did not invite any of his family; they live out of state anyway. They were not missed and to be honest I don't think his mother cared on bit for the fact she was not going to go anyway so why bother pretending I wanted her to go. LOL we are both stubborn Italian woman so it's all good....we get it. :)
I wouldn’t invite her. If she’s as toxic as she seems, she’ll just ruin your shower. I would never subject my friends and family to a disaster like her, especially if she’s bad mouthed them in the past. While she probably wouldn’t even go if you two have no relationship, there is a chance that she could show up just to start trouble. That’s not something that I would want to gamble on.
Don't invite her. It's your shower, not a wedding shower or couples shower. I'm nearly to that point with my own FMIL. She's been civil to me lately (only because she's fighting all claws out with her husband), but if she pulls any stunts before the shower, you bet she won't be invited. You're obligated to invite her to the wedding because her son is involved. The shower is for YOU.
I think you need to be the bigger person and invite her. I think it will cause more trouble if you don't invite her and you don't want that to happen. As another poster said, let your bridesmiads know the deal and seat her a bit farther away from you. Just be polite to her and she can't complain about it. Chances are she will decline, but at least she can't say that she wasn't invited.
I thought the bridal shower was supposed to be sort of a big Hurrah celebration for the bride, surrounding her with love, good thoughts, and well wishes. Your FMIL has not exhibited any of these things toward you, therefore, she does not warrant an invitation. There's no "she has a right to be there as MOG." She's nasty. Poison. You & the people who legitimately care for you have a right to not be subjected to her negativity on what is supposed to be a very positive day of love and light. I'm guessing that FFIL's family does not really associate with FMIL, so how's she to know about it anyway. And if she does find out & pitch a fit, the only people she's going to complain to are the same people she's b**ching to about you anyway. I hope they would realize & wonder why would she even want to go when all she does is complain about you. This is damned if you do and damned if you don't situation. Might as well enjoy yourself with the don't. ;) Maybe she'll get the point that you don't have a problem leaving her out if she's going to continue acting this way... and someday there will be grandchildren, and birthday parties.
No matter how mean or nasty she is to you, and not matter what she has said about you, KILL HER WITH KINDNESS. Don't stoop to her level. It will just cause more problems in the end and give her even more of a reason to be mean and nasty to you.
@nishaes: That situation sounds so unfortunate. I'm sorry you have to deal with it! I know it's easy to think that we (as brides) should just invite whoever we want to....but when it comes to this situation (your shower) I really do think you should invite your FMIL, even if you hate the woman. She does sound terrible, but it's not going to help anything if you do not invite her. Just think, you will have your own supportive family and friends there during your shower and there will only be one FMIL, so hopefully the good will far outweigh the bad.
@nishaes: She does not need to attend. She will do nothing but cause problems. How would she find out about it anyway?
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Ok so I have been debating over this for quite sometime. The moment will come when I have to hand my guest list for the bridal shower over to my sister and I cannot decide if my FMIL should be on it or not. Now I know that tradition says yes but this woman is crazy and has made my having a relationship with her son very challenging at times and led to a brief break up once. She told him I was going to cheat on him several times, talks bad about me every chance she gets, has made very snarky remarks about my family, and badmouthed me to her other family members. Needless to say we do not get along at all. My fiance is an only child and so obviously has no sisters, and his mother is an only child as well. His only other female family on his mom's side (parents are divorced) are a great-aunt and a few distant cousins, none of whom I have ever met and did not intend on inviting to the shower. He isnt close to his dad's side (they live 6 hours away) but I do plan on sending his grandma, aunts, and step mom invites to aknowledge them. Should I be forced to be in close contact with a person I hate so much or is it fair to not want her there? I want my shower to be fun and full of love and joy, three things she is not. I dont know what to do. I dont want to make things worse but Ive never done anything to offend this woman but dont want to give her the chance to ruin another happy moment in my life! HELP!