Post # 1
I wrote ^^^ this post about 3 months ago when my FMIL offered me her veil for our wedding. Since then, we’ve clashed quite a bit, but I was still planning on wearing it (as an olive branch).
Fast forward to last night when FI (who has recently been expressing wedding opinions) practically begs me NOT to wear her veil because he doesn’t like it. Now I’m in a weird position. I bought a dress in a silhouette he didn’t like, so I’ve been a little worried about my wedding day attire; I want him to think I look beautiful!!! I don’t want to wear something else that he won’t like. [That’s not to say he won’t like the dress, but I am taking that chamce.]. I also don’t want to hurt FMIL’s feelings.
I also don’t know what new veil I would pick. And I definitely want one!
Any ideas, bees???
Post # 3
Did he say what he doesn’t like about it? Like, if he only likes veils that don’t go over the face, or that don’t cover too much of the hair, could you wear it differently? Is it too poufy or not poufy enough for him? Maybe there are ways to adjust it to make it work, or if your FMIL doesn’t mind, ways to drastically alter it to fix what he doesn’t like but still have you wearing his mom’s veil.
Post # 4
@donna_saur: Try explaining what the veil means to you as well; that it’s a way to honor his Mother (and family) and a way to show how important she is to you (anything along those lines is good). I’m sure he’s going to think you’re beautiful no matter what, but it is a good idea to see what exactly he doesn’t like about it.
And isn’t it funny how opinionated they can get over something like a veil? My BF has always been really honest about what I wear, especially when he really likes something.
Post # 5
@LoggerHead91207: My FI has been making a big deal over the fact that my dress is ivory and not white, even though he didn’t make his preferences clear before I bought the dress. He calls ivory “brown”. Finally, when we were looking at table cloths I showed him the white and the ivory swatches and he agreed that ivory was just fine.
Post # 6
@donna_saur: I agree with pp. Why doesn’t he like it?
Post # 7
I would have a talk with him and try to figure out what he doesn’t like and explain to him that it could hurt your relationship with your FMIL if you don’t wear the veil. If you’re planning on wearing the veil only for the ceremony and some photos, then point that out (i.e., he won’t have to see it during the whole wedding). If he’s dead set against the veil, then he needs to explain that to his monther and tell her that you are not to blame for this decision.
Post # 8
He says it’s too old/out of style. He doesn’t like how it looks in her pictures. It’s got a pretty thick lace edge and is pretty opaque as far as veils go; you can’t really see through it. It’s also on a flower crown (fake flowers).
Post # 9
I would tell him that he can be the one who takes the veil back to his mom and tells his mom that he doesn’t want you to wear it.
And, I would be with him so she knows how you feel compared to how he feels.
Post # 10
@donna_saur: Okay so my dress was style is one that my DH told me he HATED (of course after I already bought it ) anyway, the wedding came and he CRIED because I looked so beautiful and the dress made me look perfect. I also wore my grandmas veil that had a blusher (he hated the idea o my face being covered) but it turned out his favorite part of the wedding was getting to reveal my face to kiss it. Wear what you will be confident in and you SO will LOVE it no matter what
Trust me! I was scared to heck with the idea that my DH wouldn’t love how I looked but every fear was just silly!
Post # 11
@Payless: thanks for sharing! I have never seen FI cry – he doesn’t show much emotion period! He is also super traditional and wants the first time we see each other to be when i walk down the aisle. But he is honest and I know he’ll only tell me what he really thinks – like with this veil thing! I have no attachment to my FMIL’s veil and wouldn’t have a problem getting another one, but I don’t want more drama. I feel like I’m having to choose! And I guess I am!
Post # 12
@donna_saur: If you don’t want to wear your FMILs veil because you DON’T like it then I don’t think you should wear it, she will understand. However, if you do like it then you SHOULD wear it! My DH seriously said he didn’t like my grandmas veil on me but come the day of his veiws changed (he is very honest as well).
You going to be a gorgeous bride and you SO will be thrilled to see you in anything!
Post # 13
If he doesn’t want you wearing it then he needs to be the one to tell your FMIL that you won’t be wearing it because HE doesn’t like it. You should not be explaining that to her when you don’t mind wearing it. Let him handle this fued.
Post # 14
does your fiance like a different veil – or does he think all of those “silly hats things with netting stuff hanging off” (boy-speak for a veil) are weird and old fashioned?
it may just be that the 80s(??? just a guess) hair, make up and dress in your FMIL’s photos are making the veil look old fashioned – it’s probably hard for your FI to immagine how lovely and fresh it will look once you’re wearing it.
Post # 15
@mrsgroomzilla: (Reply # 13) –> 100% THIS
In all honesty sometimes men think they have an opinion… but it is based on some preconceived / incorrect idea
I am guessing that he’s “seeing one thing” in his minds eye, and then PROJECTING THAT ONTO YOU
If you are happy with the veil, and have a more modern way to incorporate it… then he will probably not even have a clue on your Wedding Day that it is the same veil.
THIS is one of the most important reasons that I think that women shouldn’t consult their guys on the Bride’s Wedding Attire… most men haven’t a clue about fashion, and nine times out of ten when they say something it hurts what the Bride has in mind (or has worse bought / planned)
It is hard enough being a Bride and weighing all the options, and taking into account anyone she has already decided to include in her inside circle in regards to attire (Mom & Dad, BMs etc)
IN TRUTH… every guy is going to be floored when they see you in a Wedding Dress, cause it isn’t our usual attire… and they are going to be overcome with the emotion that this is THEIR BIG DAY TOO and that this IS THEIR BRIDE… the woman they love, making her way towards them at the end of the aisle.
I have yet to meet a man that has said, HIS WIFE was not BEAUTIFUL & RADIANT on her (their) Wedding Day !!
As women, we overthink this all too much !!
Post # 16
Ugh. Eplain to him that she’s going to be mad at you if you don’t wear it.
If he REALLY feels strongly about it, have HIM talk to her about it!