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I would have a conversation with FMIL explaining that you did not appreciate being confronted and if she wants to discuss YOUR wedding plans with you in future, she needs to keep a civil tongue in her head (but don't use those exact words...lol). Then have your FI talk with her b/c he can probably get away with being more blunt than you can. She needs to know in no uncertain terms that her behavior was inexcusable and should not happen again.
I know you will probably feel resentful for a while but you are going to have to deal with FMIL for a long time so just fake it til you make it.
I think fiance definitely needs to have a chat with his mother regarding her inappropriate behavior. Of course you would not say anything, you don't want to come off disrespectful, so it's actually your fiance place to check her. We are having a Friday evening wedding and fortunately have not received any flack (well at least not directly). It's typically more expensive to host an evening wedding on a Saturday, so before you decide to change check on that. At the end of the day, if FMIL is not willing to contribute financially, then she has very little say so regarding the day. The guests who REALLY want to be there....will come....period!
Wow, I think that unless your MIL would like to pay for the difference between a Friday and Saturday reception then she needs to stay quiet. I'm so sorry you have been put in this position.
Just want to say that i agree 100% with professorbee. FI should talk to her abt how she made you feel, too.
Ehhh. Gee. Not a good thing to start fighting with FMIL before you are married.
Okay, so you are paying, and you and FI decided on a Friday evening. Yes, its cheaper, and I can totally see why you did it. If I were in your situation, I may have done the same thing...
Unfortunately, the mothers are going to have opinions regardless of who is paying. I think that's okay. However, it sounds to me that your FMIL attacked you about this and was very confrontational. Had she nicely approached you and said something along the lines of, "I am just so excited for you and FI. Our family has been looking forward to this wedding for ages. I do have to ask though, are you definitely decided on a Friday night? I realize that both of you are paying for the wedding, and can do what you want, but it has come to my attention at FI's Aunts and Uncles will have problems making the ceremony. Of course, you can still keep the Friday if you wish, but please take this into consideration that Person X, Y & Z won't be there."
If she had done this, this could have been your chance to say, "Thank you for bringing this to my attention. FI and I had no idea that person x Y &Z would not be able to to make it on Friday. I will talk with FI about this. Our main reason for choosing Friday is the difference in the cost. We had no intentions of excluding anyone, and hope that everyone can be there. If we would consider switching to Saturday, perhaps you could consider helping us paying for the difference."
However, it sounds like she was totally confrontational. Regardless, even if she had nicely approached you, she really shouldn't have, ESPECIALLY being FI's mother. I could almost understand it more if she was your mom. :-)
If I were you, I would try to calm myself down, go running, meditate or something. Honestly think about what she was trying to say to FI and then tell her what you both decided. Then, call or go see FMIL in person. Treat the situation like she had very nicely approached you and not insulted you, and say to her something like, "Hello FMIL. I wanted to let you know that our discussion a few days ago was not forgotten about. FI and I did talk about things. However, due to our financial position and wanting an evening wedding, we have no choice but to do a Friday evening wedding. I realize that it may be disappointing if Person X Y & Z cannot be there, but I feel we do not have any other option. However, it will be 20% more on Saturday night to rent the hall (or whereever you'll be) and if we could find someone to help us pay for the difference in the cost, we would be able to do the wedding on Saturday."
So, there. Don't even try to fight fire with fire. Try to have a good relationship with her. The only last thing I will say, is don't ask her to pony up the $$ if she is broke and you know she would not be able to at all. Don't do anything snarky. Just try to be diplomatic and polite...
Oh, that sucks. Good luck.
Thanks everyone. We decided to change it to Saturday evening, because the cost of the place won't be any different one way or another. I also made sure that he wasn't wanting to change it for her, but because that's what he thought best. I didn't really care either way..as long as I have my evening wedding. I really appreciate everyone's support.
I'm a little nervous with confronting her.
I think the reason that you are upset is because of the way your fmil confronted you, not so much because of her reasoning. And it showed great restraint to not say anything and start WWIII! Way to go. But IMO it's your FI job to talk to his mom and explain to her why that was inappropriate, etc. If she had an issue she should have sat down with both of you and had a concerned, but non-demanding, coversation about it with you both.
Thanks you so much, rnc. I relaly appreciate that and that's exactly why it bothered me so much.
I totally relate to your post. I had the exact same thing happen to me over a different issue (our guestlist). My FI's mother called him up and told him that we had to invite his brother's girlfriend of two months, who is basically a stranger to us, to our extremely intimate 8-person wedding in Maui. She did not succeed in making him change our plans over the phone, so on the last night of our weekend visit to her over the holidays, she corners me and ATTACKS me. All I was doing was sitting quietly on the couch waiting for my FI to be ready so we could leave! I had to sit there and defend our position and the reasons behind our decision. She cried and threatened me, even going so far as to say, "You know.... we haven't bought our plane tickets yet......" and also threatened rifts between family members that she insinuated would be completely my fault.
Even if I were so inclined to think over her opinion (and I honestly think I would have given her her way in the end), she sabatoged herself by attacking me. LOL
P.S. Edited to add that I love how you made your FI prove that he didn't change his mind because of his mother!! I did the same thing! (My FI also changed his mind, but I gave him a ton of grief over being a possible momma's boy.)
Oh, and I'm now also dreading seeing her again since she knows she caused a ton of trouble. UGH, she's making my wedding so awkward. Especially since I think I'm going to cave (not to her but to my FI) about inviting "the girl". I don't even know her last name, so I'm not even sure how I should address the envelope. I'm thinking of being subtly nasty and just putting "& guest" on FI's brother's invite. 
But we'll all be sitting there, them (the FMIL, the FBIL and "the girl") knowing that the girl is an unwelcome guest, and me looking at them and knowing that they tried to ruin my wedding. Oh, and every single other guest there will know also. Wonderful.
Lucky, I am so glad (sorry of that's weird lol) that someone else knows where I am coming from. I can say, though, that I just talked to Fi and he said that he had already planned on talking to his mom. That makes me feel so much better.
That would be so funny to address her as "& guest".....Lol!
Props to you for holding your ground and not encouraging the arguement. I would advise puling her aside and asking her if she would take time to speak with you and your FI together and explain that you do not appreciate her behavior. I think it would be best to do this as a couple, to show her a united front as a new family. Parents need to learn that you and your spouse are a new family and that they don't get a say in what goes on anymore.
Otherwise, bonus that your venue doesn't charge you anything more to move it to a Saturday! I think it was like a $5.00/head difference at our place.
Thanks, Whitesonnet! I am so glad that the price is the same either way.
I really think that your FI needs to speak up on your behalf here. This is his mother, and she was disrespectful to you, the woman he has chosen to spend the rest of his life with. I understand that you don't feel comfortable confronting her--and you really shouldn't have to. He needs to sit down with her and make it clear that that kind of behavior is unacceptable and that if she can't treat you with the respect you deserve, you two won't be able to spend the kind of time with her that she would like. I'm sorry this happened to you, but yay that you're still getting the wedding you want!
Thanks, Mrs. I just talked to him and he says that he already planned to talk to her. I was so relieved when he told me that. It also made me kind of proud, lol
Glad everything will work out with you!
You said you're nervous about confronting your MIL, maybe you should always try practice runs with your FI. He knows her best and how she's likely to respond. I still do this with my DH and it helps me prepare for any argument she'll put back (and hers are WEIRD!).
Here's the update
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/update-on-fmil-issue-1
Oh my heck! He better be having a chit chat with her! and pay for the difference of a sat wedding! I am sorry!
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Sigh!
Okay, so up until no we have had no problems whatsoever! But here's the story: I was at their house on yesterday and she walked right up to me and confronted me (not both of us) on how she thinks that we're being inconsiderate of others by having our wedding on a Friday evening. She says that people will be getting off work and not have time to get to the venue on time, etc. I stood there in shock and didn't say anything. I opted for silence rather than completely going off. If you feel cornered..first response is to defend yourself. Of course I am thinking, "we're paying for the wedding..so unless you wanna pay shut up!"
FI and I left and I broke down. I wa stotally confused and taken aback. I had no idea how to react. At first he didn't understand why I didn't say anything, but when I explained he got it. He just told me that next time just say how I feel and stand up for what I feel and she'd probably back off.
FI and I had a long talk and decided to change the day to Saturday, but not after I made him prove that it wasn't because of his mom. My mom had brought it up weeks ago, but I basically told her it was our day and that's what we wanted. So, if he had wanted to change it solely on her views then I would have added him to "the list".
We compromised and I said that as long as I still get my evening wedding, the day of the week does not matter. So, I guess everyone can be happy. He said that she can't get the early wedding that she wanted though. I was like good.
Please help me. I don't want things to be awkward, but I don't really know how I will feel when I see her again. I didn't even want to go back in the house after we came back from dinner, because I didn't want to see her.