Post # 1
FMIL has offered 3 times to “help pay” for the wedding cake. All 3 times I have told her I will be making them (I have been going to classes for years and am very well at doing them!). Each time she asks she has another excuse as to why I shouldnt make it… and Im really starting to get annoyed. The last time I was quite blunt about it “As I said, I will be making the cake and it will be gorgeous, so no thank you.”
My issue is, shes done this 3 times, and this is the only thign she ever offers to help with. Months back she told FI “maybe we will see about helping with the DJ, or Limo”… what does “maybe we’ll see mean”? Of course it is rude to bring it back up again to see what this entails, but Im at a loss. What to do?
Post # 3
Ignore it. That’s all you can do, and if she is going to say maybe for other expenses, then dont expect her to contribute. She can always pay you guys back for it later.
Post # 4
Assume she’s not going to help with anything,then let it be a pleasant surprise if she comes forward with a check at the end of the day 🙂
Post # 5
ETA: As far as I know, my in laws aren’t paying for anything. My FMIL is making the flowergirl dresses for our nieces, but somehow we ended up paying for the materials. That’s all I’ve heard about any kind of assistance.
Post # 6
My FMIL offered to do the rehearsal and also pay for the flowers. Only issue is that I have no idea what her budget is! We will meet with the florist at the end of the month – hopefully it will go well. She is well off but doesn’t believe in big fancy weddings (not that mine is big or fancy but relatively speaking…)
Post # 7
I am paying for the entire wedding myself. Just tell her you don’t need any help with the cake, but if she wants to assist with paying for _______ she is more than welcome. it sounds like she is only offering money because she doesn’t want you making your cake, not because she has money sitting around she wants to offer.
Post # 8
@KristenGotMarried: Ditto this 🙂 Plan what you can pay for yourself, and anything she ends up offering will just mean you can spend extra on your honeymoon/upgrade things at the wedding/put it towards debt/whatever!
Post # 9
Sorry, there really is nothing you can do; its her money, and asking or bringing it up will not be worth the repercussions.
Post # 10
OP – My MIL tried to pull that crap with flowers (I’m not a flower person so my bouqs are fake and not doing any other types of flowers).
When she asked me “How about I give you some money for a florist?” my response was “If you want to give me money, I’d rather put it towards XXX, which FI and I think is more important. If you don’t want it going towards XXX, then, while we appreciate your generosity, we don’t need flowers.”
She hasn’t asked since. Maybe it can help you??
Post # 11
My inlaws are covering the reception rehearsal dinner (sorry have receptions on the mind!) and the honeymoon. I waffle between “oh my gosh this is so incredibly generous of them” and “so, wait, my parents pay for everything else?!” (mostly that they are generous! I just worry about my parents.)
Post # 12
@bookworm88: Reception and honeymoon are two HUGE things…
I would try telling her that you would love for her to maybe help out with another aspect of the wedding since the cake is already covered. Maybe ask her what her favorite part to plan/choose at her wedding was and start the ball rolling toward another area of the wedding.
Post # 13
I am going through this too, big time! And no, I am not expecting/demanding money from my FMIL, whatsoever. We fully intend to pay ourselves, at this point.
When I started looking at venues, FMIL said she and FFIL would pay half if I chose this nice venue that we liked. So, I went with it and paid the deposit. So far, FI and I have paid the deposit on the wedding, and my mom has paid the deposit for the reception (and for all of my decor/dress accessories), and the FILs have paid nothing.
Bascially, the FILs prioritized renting a very expensive beach house for their family, and I’m guessing they think that is their contribution to our wedding?? They’re also renting FI’s grandparents an oceanfront hotel room, and renting them a car (all unnecessary things that we don’t need). Idk…
Also, FMIL is dead set on FI and I having a sand ceremony (which neither of us are crazy about because we wanna get it over with fast). So, she said she was going to pay for that (the table, tablecloth, vases, and sand).
Post # 14
@Jamiezilla: I meant rehearsal dinner and honeymoon!! Whoops. My parents are doing the reception and everything the day of the wedding. Still, don’t get me wrong– I am thrilled and so incredibly grateful for my in-laws. Not to mention they’ve been so helpful planning everything since my FMIL seems to know everyone in our town! I mostly get bummed thinking about how EVERYONE is spending so much money on this shindig.
Post # 15
I would avoid talking to her about money and just ask your FI to have that conversation with her.
Maybe she saw a deal somewhere for a cake and thinks it would be an inexpensive way to help out?
Post # 16
@bookworm88: I often feel the same way about how things are unfair to my mom.
My FILs are well-to-do. On a monthly basis, my FMIL spends more money on designer purses, shoes, and clothes than it would cost her to fund our entire wedding. Not that she should have to spend her money on OUR wedding, just putting her financial situation into perspective.
My mom, on the other hand, barely makes ends meet. She has hardly any family. Her only relatives at my wedding will be me, my two siblings, and my grandfather. Yet, she’s already contributed all of the money to pay for the reception room AND all of the money for all of my decor and my dress accessories.
My dad is just another story entirely, but I doubt I will see any money out of him towards anything.