Post # 1
Bees, I really need some guidance here. My FMIL and I had a good relationship until we got engaged and the wedding planning started. Since then, she has been very difficult and has insisted that my fiance and I make more time to see them. I am working two jobs to pay for a wedding that honestly, I did not want. I had wanted my fiance and I to go to an island and get married, just the two of us, but he insisted that his family needed to be there, so I am paying for a $12,000 wedding almost entirely by myself. My dad is giving me some help financially, but I am still exhausting myself trying to see that this wedding is paid for so that we are not worried about it after the fact. My fiance did finally ask his parents if they were willing to contribute and they said that they would help but not much because they do not feel that it is their responsibility to do so, hinting that my family should be of more help. My FMIL also said that she would take care of the rehearsal dinner and flowers and after a phone conversation this past week, she let me know that I was paying for the flowers, not her. Flowers were not in my budget- I had believed her when she said that she would take care of it and cannot figure out why she has gone back on that. My fiance also told me that she has added another 8 people to the guest list that is already over our initial limit. It is horrible to say, but I am hoping that only 140 of the 160 invited attend. My fiance and I are starting to bicker about these things- his mother, mostly, and I dont want it to be like this between us- I want us to enjoy our engagement and the planning, but so far it has been nothing but stressful. Any suggestions or insight would be helpful. I am at a loss for what to do and wonder if I am overreacting???
Post # 3
I think your biggest problem is your fiance, rather than his mother, right now. Where is his contribution to the wedding? Why is he not sticking up for your joint decisions to his mother? Also there is no need to spend $12k on your wedding, especially if it’s not the kind of wedding you want. Have a 3pm ceremony in a pretty garden, serve champagne and cake and kick everyone out at 5pm. Done 🙂 Good luck – sounds like you have some tricky conversations coming up but the main thing is that you and your fi approach this as a team!
Post # 4
I agree with mountain bride – before you even think about FMIL, make sure FI and you are on the same page. You need to make him understand that this wedding is between him and you, especially since it’s not his family who’s paying. It is not your responsibility to pay for the wedding of THEIR dreams. There is something very wrong with you working two jobs to pay for a wedding you don’t want. Good luck!
Post # 5
- Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club
@girlwitharing – I totally agree with her statement “it is not your responsibility to pay for the wedding of their dreams” if they really some big wedding, when you initially wanted a small island affair, then they should be chipping in. You shouldn’t be stressed to work 2 jobs to pay for a wedding that you didn’t really want.
Talk with your FI and tell him how you feel. Hopefully you both will be able work something out where he helps to pay for this wedding, or you can scale back on the type of things involved in the wedding to bring down the price.
Post # 6
i think you being burden with all of this is terribly unfair and i think your FI needs to man up and be a partner is this instead of a spectator. the wedding is about you and him getting married, not about you paying for his mother to dictate you and pay for the wedding they demand.
if i was you i would start saying “sure, but thats gonig to cost YOU x amount of dollars as $ per head”
people will only keep taking advantage of you if you let them – start standing up for yourself or she/they are going to always walk over you
Post # 7
Is your FI working two jobs to help pay for this? I noticed you never mentioned how much he is contributing. If he wants this wedding, not you, he ought to be contributing his fair share. Also, you need to have a serious talk about these issues. You should not be having to run yourself ragged for a wedding you don’t want. He needs to tell his parents that if they’re adding guests, they better be prepared to pay XX amount of dollars per guest. Cut your guest list down if you can!
I also agree with the above posters- you CAN do a nice wedding for waaay less then $12,000! I like the idea of an afternoon wedding with cake and punch after! How fun and delightful! 😀 Or you could do a Saturday/Sunday morning ceremony followed by a small brunch- breakfast buffets are often way less expensive then even lunch and especially less then dinner! 🙂 I am doing our wedding for 100-120 people for $5,000. It can be done (although it takes a time to go through things like craigslist and WB looking for good deal and a lot of DIY).
Post # 8
Ug. Frustration! I feel you. I can never understand why some parts of families aren’t more courtious regarding who is paying for what. If the bride’s family is paying, you’d think every decision regarding money should be made with care and consideration. It’s not like every father of the bride has unlimited amounts of money to have the wedding of the century. My parent’s are in a bankruptcy and are paying for everything. We’d pay for more if we could afford it and his parent’s don’t have any money to contribute. I wanted to elope to an island but FI wanted otherwise. Brides are in such hard situations sometimes!
Post # 9
Wow, there’s lots to deal with. Your husband needs to chime in and remind his family that you two cannot invite nor can anyone else invite people without consulting you two. Afterall, it is your wedding, and if you guys are paying most of it, they should not keep adding people to your list.