Post # 1
So…I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.
It is well known that my Future Mother-In-Law goes on my FSIL’s facebook page (FSIL is 22 and in college) and comments on people’s pictures/walls/etc. She posts about 3,000 pictures of Future Sister-In-Law and is completely obsessed with all of her friends’ drama.
Well, Fiance and I have had our suspicions that she also writes some of FSIL’s emails.
Future Sister-In-Law is a Bridesmaid or Best Man in our wedding and all of my BMs have been emailing back and forth about the bridal shower and bachlorette party. They all live in different places so email is the best form of communication.
Since everyone is in different places, my mom has also been involved in some of the logistics of the planning.
Well, two days ago one of Bridesmaid or Best Man calls me and says she got an email from Future Sister-In-Law but she doesn’t think it’s her, the tone of the email is different that her usual emails and that it is really “odd” sounding. This Bridesmaid or Best Man is also engaged and has a crazy Future Mother-In-Law so we vented a bit together.
Well today, my mom forwards me an email that is from “FSIL” and the wording is EXACTLY like an email Future Mother-In-Law sent me. It is rude and nosey. Future Mother-In-Law keeps trying to get me and Fiance to invite Future Sister-In-Law to stay with us to help with the invites (FMIL wanted more of her friends invited) and says I should send invites and supplies to Future Sister-In-Law to work on. As I’ve told her many times, thanks but I’m all set. The invites are done, there isn’t any additional work needed.
Fiance and I have talked about how to deal with this and he’s talked to Future Sister-In-Law about it but it was never really an issue to me since it was kept “in the family” so to speak. But now Future Mother-In-Law is posing as Future Sister-In-Law to my friends and mom?!?!
Aside from Fiance talking to Future Sister-In-Law, what should I do? I’m embarrassed for my other BMs who being questioned by Future Mother-In-Law via Future Sister-In-Law about details of the bachlorette party and I’m just angry that she thinks it’s ok to deceive everyone. AHHHH. Seriously, why does a grown woman think it’s ok to lie??
Post # 3
My first thought was – why is your Future Sister-In-Law allowing her on her fb page??? Why doesn’t she just change her password?? I would definitely say something to her, and probably his mother as well.
Post # 4
Why wouldn’t she just write to people as herself? How could she think she could get away wtih it? Does she have a personality disorder? Strange.
Post # 5
Wow that is very childish of your Future Mother-In-Law. If your Fiance has talked to his sister before I don’t understand why she hasn’t changed her password to her email and facebook. Unless she doesn’t care or your Future Mother-In-Law is a hacking wiz?
I would try to let the other BM’s know as discreetly as possible what is going on. Maybe you could just say that another family member occasionally uses her email instead of naming FMIL? I don’t think they’ve left you with many other options unless having your Fiance talk to his sister stops everything. I do think he needs to talk to her and his mother and let them know that this has crossed the line.
Post # 6
Have you talked to Future Sister-In-Law about it? I would be pretty pissed if someone were impersonating me, reading my private email, etc.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)
Wow, this is really inappropriate! If your Future Mother-In-Law has something to say or ask, she really should just say it herself, not while posing as another person. I find that kind of creepy, actually.
I might delegate your Fiance to talk to his mom about this. Perhaps she feels unhappy with how everyone is communicating with her right now and they can come up with a more productive way to communicate so that she doesn’t have to send emails via your Future Sister-In-Law. I think trying to get at the root of whatever the issue is would be helpful (because it is strange that she would do this at all!) and would help you come up with a solution so that these types of emails don’t become the norm.
Post # 8
So Fiance has talked to Future Sister-In-Law about why does Future Mother-In-Law have her passwords and sometimes, Future Sister-In-Law complains about it (but does nothing about it) but usually she just goes along with it.
Fiance was home one night last week and had dinner with his family and Future Mother-In-Law whips out her laptop to show him someone’s facebook page and Future Sister-In-Law did not think it was weird at all.
I’m baffled as to how or WHY someone would behave like this.
@FloretteLiz: I definately agree..I’ve talked to my other BMs about it but they’ve already picked up it based on recent emails.
I mean, Future Sister-In-Law is 22…I’d like to think she could be trusted??
Post # 9
@mightywombat: I haven’t talked to her directly yet. I was hoping FI’s conversations with her would have resolved it. But seeing as my mom received an email from “her” this morning, I guess not.
Post # 10
I can’t believe that this is not an issue for your FSIL! That’s just weird-letting your mom send emails in your name.
I would let the wedding party know that someone else has access to FSIL’ s email and ask them to forward me any messages supposedly from Future Sister-In-Law that they receive, so I can validate (OR NOT) the information.
Post # 11
Ditto to what julies1949 said about forwarding emails to you. At least that would give you some sort of control over the situation. If your Fiance has talked to your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law a few times already I doubt the behavior is going to change. If the Future Sister-In-Law is not phased by your FMIL’s actions I don’t think she will see a need to change her behavior.
Post # 12
Does Future Sister-In-Law know that her mother has access to her accounts? This just seems odd that she would let her mother have access to her facebook account and private e-mails. If I were in that situation, I would stop using e-mail to contact Future Sister-In-Law and call her directly so you know that you are talking to her. I agree with PPs that you should have e-mails forwarded to you.
Post # 13
If after your Fiance talks to her she keeps doing it, your BMs (and you) could email back and say something like “Is this Future Sister-In-Law or FMIL? I understand there’s been a mix up with the emails in the past”. That way, at least she’ll know that you’re on to her.
If I were your Future Sister-In-Law, I’d be very concerned that I’m being presented this way and that it may harm my future relationships with the other ladies.
Post # 14
Thank you everyone for your opinions. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one that thinks this is totally bizarre!