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Plenty of newly weds live with their in-laws (us included).weddings are a big expense and you often are lacking the funds to buy a new home right after that, especially if it is one you want to be able to grow in. Explain to you FMIL that your decision is nothing personal, just a transition period to help you get back on your feet. Maybe have dinner or something with her alone once a week or so, so she doesn't feel like you are leaving her apart.
I think her feelings are completely understandable - she's worried that you will form a super-close relationship with the dad and not with her. Or maybe she's even worried that he'll turn you guys against her. She might not be expressing her feelings in the best way possible, but I think that those feelings are valid.
I think instead of taking a confrontational stance - i.e. "FI told her that it isn't her decision and his dad already approved" - maybe FI can reassure her that he loves her, values his relationship with her and will be sure to make time for her even while living with his dad. I don't know if it is possible for you to spend some time living with her as well, but that's another potential way to make her feel better.
I don't think that newlyweds living with anyone is a particularly good idea. That being said, if he offered and y'all want to take him up on it in order to save money, it is not her business. If you feel that the pros outweigh the cons, just explain that it is temporary and ask your FI to spend some time reassuring his mom that he loves her. That is most likely what this is about for her.
@GirlWithARing: Thanks for the advice! We hang out with her a lot now and maybe she thinks it will change once we move in with FFIL.
Plenty of people do that. Its a good idea financially to be able to replenish your funds after something such as a wedding.. In the end its not her choice and she will have to just get over it. Sorry she is acting like this.
@organizedbride11: Thanks! We will have to talk to her again and explain our reasons for wanting to stay with FFIL...just temporary(6 months to a year is our plan) so we can save for house and the family she wants us to start as soon as we get married! LOL We will need to stay nonconfrontational and listen to her explain her side...
Ugh, but she is soo good at pushing buttons! For example, she gave randomly gave FI a puppy a few years ago after she realized she couldn't/didn't want to care for it. FI didn't really want him at first but is now in love with the mutt. Last night, she told him she wants the dog back if we move from our apt to his dad's house.... :-(
ok, i'm gonna stay calm!
@gemini22: Sounds like moving in with FFIL is a good idea; you're being very pragmatic in setting a timeline and goals for the money you'll be saving. I don't see anything wrong with living with either sets of parents if it works out better for you in the long run.
I can't believe she wants the dog back! The only thing I can say about that is that maybe she'll realize she is STILL not able to care for him, and will give him back like she did the first time!
Good luck, she sounds like quite a handful.
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My FI's have been divorced for almost 10 years. They get along sometimes but they are bickering at the moment.
FI's father has generously offered to let us move in with him after we get married so we can save for a house. FI and I are paying for the wedding ourselves and we could definitely use a year of replenishing our savings accounts! His dad is also a bit lonely and could use the company...
FMIL is very upset about this and says she does not approve. She says it is inappropriate for newlyweds to live with inlaws and we should just stay in our apt. FI told her that it isn't her decision and his dad already approved. We think she is afraid we will "side" with the Dad more, etc.
I just wanted to rant.... :-)