Post # 1
So we had a conversation with my Future Mother-In-Law and told her our target number for our guestlist. Well of course she wanted to add bout 30 people. ALL of which we pretty much shot down! We told her if you wanna pay for them well have at it.. Of course thats not an option. So we politely asked her that when we send out our invitations if we dont get rsvps back will she make calls to her family and find out if they are coming or not! We also told her to please let them know that only the people on the invitation are invited! And could she please explain that if they rsvp yes to please come and not pull a no show. OUr wedding is over 100$ a head so if we have no shows that costs us alot of money! Well she laughed and said” well were a big family and sometimes we bring extra people” Then said ” and theres always gonna be at least 10-15 people that are gonna rsvp and dont show”
UUUMMMM WTF!!! We said “NO WAY” thank god my Fiance said ” Well if they dont rsvp they dont eat” I tried to truly get across that if 10 people change their mind at the last minute and dont wanna come to just throw us an email or call.. i will gladly give a last minute invite to someone else!
The problem is my Future Mother-In-Law is paying for nothing and thinks we have all the money in the world! AM I WRONG for being annoyed!
Post # 3
Well, I think she’s a little bit right. There’s always people that just don’t show. I thought we were pretty good, but we had NINE people that cancelled between when the final number (and committed price) was set, and the actual day. Two came to the ceremony and told me they were just leaving to go do touristy stuff. This was only a wedding with 80 people invited. As much as I hated wasting the $80/pp… it happens.
As for not RSVPing, I agree that someone will have to call them and get commitment.
Post # 4
@SapphireSun: I do agree that we will have a few no shows on our big day.. She blames cultural differences on all this nonsense. She thinks its perfectly fine to bring more people to my wedding , ones not invited. Our caterer will only make 2% more food just in case! She thinks its all good.. we do not have the money to do this, hence the reason i wanted her to make a few phone calls. I am very proactive (anal retentive if you must lol) She is not! Her lack of respect and understanding for our wedding is just annoying. Couldnt she jkust have said “sure i will gladly spread the word”?
Post # 5
Yeah… We had several no shows, too. Mostly people that RSVP-ed plus ones and came alone. I didn’t bother asking for an excuse, but I guess things just come up…
Though I know the pains of inviting LOTS of people you don’t feel that necessarily HAVE to be there. His family is huge (Dad has 11 siblings…), so I knew his guest list would be enormous. However, we left out some of our more distant friends to keep the guest list down (ones we haven’t kept in touch with), but as I’m writing thank you’s I ask “who are so-and-so” and he says “oh, they’re my mom’s teacher friends”. I know I probably sound like a brat, but I’d much rather have friends that I’m not necessarily BFFs with than his mom’s teacher friends. I guess, in some cases, weddings are about you and your families….
I don’t think you’re wrong for being annoyed; I just don’t understand why people don’t RSVP.
Post # 6
In our families, the roles are reversed. His family is HUGE, but the rules are
1) You dont RSVP, your NOT coming
2) you show if you RSVP and not bring extras.
Its a very big family but everyone remembers the slightest faux pas someone did 5 years ago..lol
My family, all weddings have been more “open house” laid back, you just drop a line to someone close by on weather or not you will probably make it. My dad is paying 1/2 and Future In-Laws just decided since they have 70% of the guest list, that they are paying 1/2 (catering, Rehearsal Dinner, and possibly bar) so I am PUSHING my side to be on top of things. Instead of asking my mom or grandma, I am calling cronic problem people, getting my own addresses and email lists, and not depend on family. I wish I could ask, I just KNOW ppl wouldnt think twice about it unless I kept on it. Maybe you should ask Fiance ring up ppl, explaining caterer rules?
Post # 7
The two of you obviously have a difference of opinion on how rsvp and invites should be handled so take this task on yourself. I would leave out the â€œdonâ€™t be a no showâ€ part of things since it seems a little rude to me
Post # 8
Erm…if someone goes to the emergency room the day of your wedding you really think they will be saying “Oops! Better call Miss Jenny!”
You will be in a position to call someone the day of your wedding and invite them last-minute?
You know people who would be happy to get an invitation to a wedding day-of?
Post # 9
@Beansy: NO I dont expect someone to call me the day of if theres an emergency. And I am not inviting any of my coworkers who i would rather invite! So yes if i told them the night before they could come!
And I am sorry i have an issue with people not showing! Unless of course and emergency. Those are not the people i am talking about!
And I was more annoyed with her response. I do not think its ok to bring uninvited people to a wedding. And i would feel terrible if i decided not to go last minute and cost the bride and groom cash. My wedding is not cheap. If 15 people no show thats 2000$ wasted. I am just trying to be proactive with his family because i know their track record. I have invited 10 people to our house for a sunday bbq and ended up with 35.. its just rude in my eyes.
Post # 10
@weeonebride: Those are really what i am talking about.. the chronic problem people!!! I was just taken back by her lack of understanding. SHe would rather us be out 2000$ or be embarrassed because we cannot feed people because we didnt know they were coming!! uugh
Post # 11
Have you already had your invitations printed? If not, you should make it clear on your RSVP cards the # of people you are inviting. For example:
__ Seats Have Been Reserved In Your Honor
__ Accepts with Pleasure; __ of __ will attend
__ Declines with Regret
Of course that will not stop the very bold individuals, but then you will know for sure who is a complete a-hole.
Post # 12
future father in law said the same thing.
i said, ‘sorry, 25 chairs, 25 meals, 25 guests. mom will turn them away at the door.’
turn them away. they werent invited