- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Good evening, bees. I just have to get this out there because I am very hurt right now. FI is upset and pouting in the other room, so I just wanted to get it out.
Some back story: FI proposed to me with two rings when he proposed – one was my e ring that he picked out and had made for me, and the other was his grandmother’s ring – the center stone of which he was going to have incorporated into my wedding band. He was very close with his grandmother, who passed away a few months before we made the venture across the country to meet his family. While we were out there, FMIL gave him the ring and requested that we take the smaller diamonds out (it is, I think, a .5 ct center stone round with smaller diamonds on each side) and give them to her. The ring has a medical clasp on it, which is very valuable. FMIL also said to sell the medical clasp and use the $$ for our future. When FI proposed to me, he stated that the ring he designed was for the future and our small family together, and his grandmother’s ring was to honor the past and incorporate me into the family. It meant the world to me, it was the most touching and sweet thing I had ever heard and I was so honored that his family would bestow such a gift upon me, especially someone FI respected a lot and was very close to.
FI had originally intended to put his grandmother’s stone into my e ring but I wanted a marquise and since it was round, he came up with the idea of having it in the wedding band. The style of band I wanted was to have a band of diamonds and have his grandmother’s diamond in the middle (and I wanted smaller diamonds off to the sides to accentuate her diamond). The jeweler told us it would cost a sum of money we were not willing to spend on the band to have custom made, so we decided to hold the diamond for an anniversary band in 5 years and save up to have a really nice one custom made to wear on my right hand.
FMIL called FI tonight to discuss something else with him and when she asked about his grandmother’s ring, she decided to change her mind and say that well if we’re not using the diamond, she’ll just take the ring back and wear it because she lost her own and it would mean a lot more to her anyway.
I was so mad and so hurt I was shaking. I heard her say it to FI, who was so flustered trying to explain the whole thing to her (it took him a good 20 minutes cuz she was asking questions over and over again and not listening) he just said, “Fine, okay, you can have it back.” She was like “Well you’re just going to get it back when I die anyway so since you’re not using it I’ll take the whole thing.”
I am very, very hurt by this. I have decided to let her have the ring, as she was close to FI’s grandmother and it was very hard for her when she died. It probably means a great deal more to her than it does to me, since I had never met her, but the meaning and sentiment behind FI’s proposal with it really meant the world to me so it is extremely hurtful that she wants it back. I understand it, but at the same time I am very angry because it was a GIFT that FI gave to me to start our future together, on one of the most important nights of our life so far. And FMIL is taking it back. 🙁 She can have it, but it feels like a low blow.
Just wanted to put it out there because FI got really upset that he made me cry (my surprise bridal shower was today) on an otherwise awesome day and so he’s pouting in the next room. I don’t think he realized how much it meant to me and I think he feels in between a rock and a hard place between his mom and his FI. = I feel bad because of the position he’s in but I can’t help but to feel angry and somewhat betrayed too. Am I being a jerk? 🙁