FMIL really hurt me this evening :(

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It does not sound like your FMIL was trying to hurt you at all. It seems to me that she intended for it to be used for your engagement ring and since you are not, she is asking for it back since she realized how much it means to her. It also sounds as though she had no idea your FI was going to put the diamond in your wedding band until after she asked for it back. I can see why you are upset, but I do not think she was delibrately trying to hurt you.

Post # 4
Member
1926 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Idk.. my thoughts are that maybe your FMIL saw it as kind of a slap in the face that you didn’t want to use the stone for your ering and that she would rather have it since you aren’t using it for that? 

I can kind of see both sides, its sucks that she gave it the okay and then changed her mind, but it doesn’t change the fact that his proposal was very sweet and meaningful. 

I think its right that she gets the ring back, but I understand why you are upset. 

Post # 5
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

@trueblue14:  +1 

i really don’t think she was trying to hurt you. You have a ring and she lost hers. The ring is from her family, I would let it go and not be angry. Don’t over react you don’t want to cause a problem between you and your FMIL

Post # 8
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t mean to be harsh, but I would probably side with your fmil here. I don’t ink she was as delicate as she might have been, but I think that the dissembling and selling off parts of a treasured heir loom isn’t exactly in the best tastes. You either use the ring or you don’t, and since you weren’t going to I think it’s reasonable for her to ask for it back but I agree that it would be upsetting for her to have done it so abruptly and with little regard for your feelings! 

Hope you feel better, remember that it’s just an object and no object in the world is worth crying over!

Post # 9
Member
3128 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@icanhearyousmile:  I understand it means a lot to you, but maybe she didn’t realize that because you chose a different diamond for your engagement ring AND you didn’t end up using it for your wedding band. If I gave someone heirloom jewelry with the intent that they use it in an engagement ring or a wedding band and then it just sat there for 5 years, I probably wouldn’t realize how much they value it. And, depending on how I thought they would react, if I lost my ring I would consider asking for it back to use in the meantime.

Post # 10
Member
3402 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am sorry this has made you sad, but I do see it from her perspective.

I don’t think this has anything to do with a motivation to hurt you, rather than she sees that the ring is sitting idle and not being used for the purpose it was meant, so why not let her enjoy it- after all, as you said, you never met the grandmother.

 

Post # 12
Member
336 posts
Helper bee

I know this is off topic but…what’s a medical clasp on a ring?

Post # 14
Member
3128 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

@icanhearyousmile:  I’m sorry she was rude about it. That is totally out of line. I do think it is awkward to ask for a gift back and if you are going to do so you should be as nice and gracious as possible! 

It does sound like she intends to give it back to you at some point. Closer to your 5 year anniversary when you are ready to use the stone I would have your FI can revisit the topic. And maybe a good way of looking at it would be that it will have more meaning because both his grandmother and mother will have worn it before passing it on to you.

Post # 15
Member
8701 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think she was okay with the idea at first. I think it’s proper to give it back to her, but I do understand your hurt.

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