Post # 1
I didn’t think I would have issues with my FMIL because for the past 3 1/2 years I have not had issues at all. But now with the wedding, it seems to either bring the worst or the best out of people. So weird… Here’s the background
FMIL recently separated (they’ve been on and off for about a year and a half) from her second husband (they’ve been married since FI was 6 or 7). She now stays at the house with my FI’s youngest sister who is 21 (who is another story of her own but love her regardless) and FI’s stepdad lives at FI’s grandparents house. In her defense, FI’s mom has never hd to work before but now, she has to have an income so she attended beauty school and now does hair. She works at a salon and has a steady income for herself. FI’s stepdad pays for everything in (mortage payments for the house he doesnt live in anymore, food, and other stuff because his daughter still lives there)..so basically its a free place to live for the both of them…they dont’ have any real expenses.
Now, was urks me…FI’s mom has known that we are having a destination wedding for over a YEAR. 2 weeks ago she told FI she can’t go bc she doesn’t have ANY money. So FI and his middle sister got togehter and each offered their mom $600 each so it could cover flight/rental car. Mom never intended to pay for a thing…she didn’t even think to put money on the side to attend her SONS wedding.
fyi: WE ARE PAYING FOR THE WHOLE WEDDING OURSELVES ($18,000)
Also, I am having my bachelorette party once I am there for the wedding with friends and family, so I had asked FI to ask her if she and his youngest sister, who still lives with mom, had RSVP’d for the party back in Dec. She said yes. (its about $55 a person which covers limo stuff and a cool dinner). My MOH called me yesterday and told me the only people she hadn’t heard of was FI’s mom and sister….WTH!!!! Why would she lie!?! I told FI about this and he’s also going to pay for them to do all of that….I know its his mother, I would do anything for my mother. But his mom seems to be just purposely lazy and not even trying to make an effort.
I am mad but I am trying to understand…but its so hard! Can anyone help me see the light, if there is one?
Post # 3
Your MIL’s life as she knew it fell apart. She’s had to start a career from scratch, at an age where it is far from easy. I suspect you know much less about her finances than you think you do. It’s quite possible the money she set aside to attend your wedding has now been eaten by legal expenses/beauty school/work clothes and supplies. And it’s also quite possible in the throws her separation she thought she RSVP’d for a party she wasn’t sure how she was going to pay for anymore, but it somehow fell off her radar.
Unfortunately, as much as she’d like to, she can’t focus money or energy on her son’s wedding due to her own life turmoil. I’d cut her lots of slack.
Post # 4
I think that when you throw something as expensive as a DW and then charge for your bachelorette party, there are going to be people who just don’t want to pay it, even if they do have the funds. It’s a shame that it’s your FMIL, but that’s her perogative.
Post # 5
@charmed59: I agree. I don’t think your wedding is what’s bringing out the worst in her, I think it’s the fact that her marriage is faling apart and she’s divorcing a man she’s been with for a very long time. it sounds like her entire life has really been thrown for a loop, she’s gotta be having a tough time financially, not to mention emotionally – I’m sure she’s happy for you and your FI, but the wedding stuff has to be kind of tough on her when she’s in the middle of a divorce. That’s no excuse to be nasty, but she’s not she’s just having a tough time financially, which makes total sense since she has a lot of sudden financial worries she never had before.
I agree that I’d be cutting her some major slack.
Post # 6
i think you need to cut her some slack. By the sounds of it, there might be more than meets the eye to her financial situation. Her life is upside down in many ways it seems and she might just not have much energy left for the wedding. I know it hurts…but sometimes people only have so much left in them.
My wedding is destination and we’re thinking of going to Vegas or NY for bachelorette and in all honesty, I want everyone to know there is no pressure to come. If people want to they can but I won’t be offended if the expense is too much. I am thinking of throwing a pool party at our place as well so people who can’t come can relax and have some fun with me before the wedding at no cost.
Post # 7
thanks ladies…. I see what you guys are saying and am trying to wrap my head around it. The thing is, she has zero expenses, I know this because of things my FI has told me in the past. The only expense she does have is supplies for her work and I know those can be pricey. I think what is urking me is her lack of interest/initiative.
Even after she was offered money to come to the wedding she didn’t even wanted to look up flights. Then she said she wanted to make a stop in another state so she would need some extra cash…
She’s actually moved on and she’s been dating another guy for quite a long time (while her and her ex were on and off).
I definitely dont expect everyone to make it to the party since it is a DW. I had requested that my MOH whos planningt the event not charge family but family insisted to pay.
I’m trying ladies. I love her regardless, she is just driving me a little nutty