Post # 1
Long, long story short, I recently discovered that Future Mother-In-Law apparently thought that our engagement was Fiance just trying to make me feel better about our relationship, or that it was causing FI’s recent bouts of depression ( which ironically are completly related to his family, not our relationship, and she knows this! She also knows that I did everything I could to support Fiance when he was feeling down.) Not only did she assume these things, she went around telling other family members as if it were something she knew as a truth.
I am just livid and frankly, a little humiliated. She has not only delegitimized our engagement, but our relationship as well. Not to mention she caused family to think the same horrible thing about us- and there isn’t really a good way to put that kind of rumor to rest.
Future Mother-In-Law has generally been really nice to me. Sometimes I’ve gotten a weird vibe from her, but she is a little different in general. This just seems over the top though, even for her. I just don’t understand how anyone could immediately jump to such an ugly conclusion like that, let alone go around telling that to other people. I feel like I’m being gossiped about in high school!
We are supposed to go visit her in the next couple of months and I don’t want to go anymore. Fiance is also upset about it, and is going to talk to her about it soon, but I’m worried it will cause more awkwardness with her. I was super excited to be engaged, and now I’m just bummed out and I feel like it’s kind of ruined. This whole situation just sucks. Anyone go through anything like this? Any advice? Thanks for listening, bees!
Post # 3
My best advice is to keep your head held high, ignore what she has said, let your Fiance deal with his Mom.
She who laughs last, laughs best. When you are celebrating your 1st, 5th, 10th, or 25th anniversary, the family members will know that she was completely being mean-spirited.
Post # 4
Sent from my Android
ditto what pp. Try to enjoy your engagment pumpkin 🙂 and let fh deal with him mon.
Post # 5
Thank you both- I think you’re right. Just have to try not to let it get to me too much.
Post # 6
Ugh, I have a mother in law that’s a master of the back handed compliment… just keep your head up and kill her with kindness.
Post # 7
as your Future Mother-In-Law has been generally nice to you in the past could it be a matter of miscommunication and its her concerns for her sons health that has her hitting out at you?
not saying its OK for her to do this but i know from my own mother she has in the past tried to make my husband out to be the bad guy because i refuse to share with her whats going on in my life (only because i now consider my husband and i a family unit) and it was her frustration at this that had her trying to belittle my husband for being controlling when in fact it was her behaviour that had me distancing myself from her
Post # 8
Could there be something else going on with her? My fiance’s dad is generally a perfectly nice guy who has been quite pleasant and affectionate towards me. Then he went ballistic and did some really inappropriate things. We later found out that things were going on at his work, and a family member filled us in on his childhood and how he turned out to be such a passive aggressive nutcase.
Doesn’t make it ok, but gives me some insight.
Post # 9
@eloping: That could be a possibility- but she knows Fiance well enough to know he’s bad at communicating. She and I were even in contact about Fiance when he was having a hard time; I updated her and she expressed how grateful she was that he had me ther for him. She has made these same kinds of crazy assumptions about other people in the past. It’s like a complete loss of logic on her part and drama comes sweeping in when this happens. It bothers me that she would assume somthing like this, and not even try to talk to Fiance about it to even confirm her ideas. Sorry to hear about the problems you had with your mother- did it ever get any better?
Post # 10
Also, just wanted to mention, our wedding prep person said when we have major conversations with either person’s family, we should do it as a couple, and not alone. Apparently if one person goes on their own to their family with negative news, the family will automatically assume it’s the partner who is responsible for the bad news, not their dear perfect child.
Just thought I’d share, in case it is appropriate for you 🙂
Post # 11
@winerygirl: She does in fact have some demons from her childhood that are probably the cause of some of her….”quirks”. It’s just really hard to know what she will freak out about. I guess I’m kind of just like “Why the engagement? Can’t we leave the engagement alone?” lol
I was thinking that maybe we should talk to her as a couple- I was worried if Fiance talked to her about this, she might start assuming that I’m causing problems and Fiance is just the messenger.. So thank you for pointing that out- it’s definitely something to consider.
Post # 12
Oh my! looks like you have already gotten some great advice though, kill her with kindness! My parents were super negative about our wedding too, I decited to skip thanksgiving with them but plan to see them suring my spring break, i just need time to get over it. I understand you dont want to see Future Mother-In-Law but maybe in time will help you get over it. Planning my wonderful wedding has helped me forget how much it kinda stung and now it hardly bothers me at all. Hoping for the best for you and like pp said, enjoy your engagement!