Post # 1
So my future in-laws live about 3 hours from where my SO, my family, our friends, and I live. My family wants to throw me a shower here for friends and family and my FMIL expressed an interest in throwing one where she lives. My SO and I agreed to both. I assumed that the showers would split up our families, but now my FMIL is asking to be invited, along with my FSILs, to the shower my family is throwing. Is this appropriate?
I really wanted to relish the time with my family and friends at the local shower and then travel to spend time with my SO’s family and friends. It just seems redundant for them to travel here to attend another shower. One FSIL, a bridesmaid, also told me that I should indulge my FMIL because the FSIL wouldn’t be getting married anytime soon. I’m confused as to the etiquette of the situation. Advice?
Post # 3
@Jamie9008: As she has already expressed interest in attending, I see no reason not to invite FMIL and FSIL. They may very well want to meet more of your family and friends.If they are not concerned about the travel, why would you be?
Is there a reason you don’t want them to be there, other than what you have stated?
Post # 4
if they’re willing to travel, don’t question it.
Post # 5
All of the showers that I have been to has both moms there even if it was just technically for one side of the family. If they are willing to travel I think they should be invited.
Post # 6
I would like to be comfortable in my own home at our shower. My FMIL has expressed great dislike regarding some of my choices for the wedding and I have difficulty being relaxed and comfortable around her. For example, we want a very casual, easy going wedding where the groomsmen wear vests and roll up their sleeves. She was very upset that it wasn’t a tux event and expressed her disbelief at our decision. There are numerous other examples where she is openly astonished at our decisions for the wedding to the point of embarrassing me in front of others. One FSIL has stood up for me to her in front of everyone at least.
The women in my family also haven’t received an invite to their shower, which I find unfair. From the very beginning, it has been assumed all around to be separate showers, but now she has changed her mind.
Post # 7
Etiquette wise – YOU aren’t inviting anyone. Whoever is throwing the shower invites people, but you probably get to give them a list of people to invite/not invite.
That being said, you gotta invite her. Is it really worth hurting her feelings by not? You think she complained about tuxes? Just wait until she complains about you….as a person….for not inviting her….
You don’t want to go there.
If she doesn’t approve of wedding details, then don’t tell her about them. She can’t disapprove if she doesn’t know. If she says anything at the shower a simple “we are really excited for our (flowers, venue, wahtever she disapproves of)” and move on.
This woman is in your life until you either get divorced or she dies. Make nice as soon as you can. You aren’t the first to have a FMIL who didn’t like the decisions a couple made about a wedding.
Post # 8
I find that a bit strange that she expects to be invited but yet isn’t inviting your Mum etc to the one she’s throwing…
Post # 9
@Jamie9008: Honestly, if she makes you that comofrtable I would have declined the shower she wants to throw (unless your Fi is going to be there).
However, I think it is up to whoever is hosting your shower to invite. I would do it becuase your families are becoming one, and it would be a good opportunity for everyone to get together. I hightly doubt your MIl is going to step on any toes in your family’s home with everyone there, and if she does I assume she will get a huge dose of reality from your family.