Post # 1
Hi bees I’m not sure I should be posting this but getting really stressed and not sure where else to turn.
First FI’s parents have been split for a very long time his mother is remarried and fi’s relationship with her has only started to heal since I came on the scene, he has always maintained she lies for attention, but she was always sweet to me.
A few months ago we were up for a funeral and FMIL got me alone and started having a long very personal chat, tbh it made me uncomfortable, she Claimed FFIL was ana alcoholic, beat her and her childresen were essentially conceived from rape. FI adores his father who is also lovely to me, and although he likes a social drink I can’t see the person I know as she has described.
I kept quiet at the time as I didn’t want to hurt FI but now its preying on my mind, and I’m a little worried she might claim I agreed with her, I really don’t want FI to think that I think that of his father or even for him to know what she’s said but I’m scared she’s put me in this position.
Do you think I should tell someone about what she told me? FI? His siblings? Help
Post # 3
I would keep it to yourself. No good can come from sharing it, just lots of drama.
Post # 4
My MIL unloads on me a lot too- not as extreme as rape/physical abuse- but stuff about how he was a terrible father and husband and she did accuse him of cheating on her and giving her an STD. My FIL and his kids freely admit the former is true, and I don’t think they know anything about the cheating accusation.
I really don’t think you should say anything to your FI. It will destroy his relationship with one of his parents, depending on what he believes. Either his father is a wife beating rapist, or his mother is falsely accusing him of being a wife beating rapist. Either is unforgivable. If your MIL spills her guts to you again, ask her if she’s considered therapy. If what she’s saying is true, maybe she can work with her therapist over how to confront this anger. If what she’s saying is not true, maybe her therapist can help her understand why she’d accuse someone of something so terrible.
FYI- I am not saying your FIL is guilty of this, but very commonly abusive people can put on a front to outsiders and it’s not unusual that friends and family had no idea what was going on. Keep in mind it IS possible that your MIL is telling the truth. Either way, she should probably be in therapy.
Post # 5
The thing about some alcoholics and abusers is…they can hide it very well. I say this because my mom’s ex (25+ yr relationship) was both and no one would have known.
However, if you FI hasn’t told you anything of this behavior, and he’s lived with him, it’s probably not true.