Post # 1
Hey ladies I need some advice. My future mother in law is still introducing me as “the girlfriend”. We’ve only been engaged for two months so lots of people still havent heard and the future parents in law don’t seem to be sharing the news. They seem happy for us but it’s almost like they’re not taking it seriously. We keep trying to bring up wedding plans and they always put us off saying we’ve got lots of time, or we don’t need to plan the whole thing tonight….. To be fair they are very young parents and my fiancé is the first of their children to get married so they probably don’t know what they should be doing but every time I try to hint they ignore it or change the subject. I feel like I shouldn’t take the “girlfriend” thing so seriously but it stings every time and its making me uncomfortable to be around them (which doesn’t help) fiance has corrected his mom many times and it doesn’t seem to help…. What should I do?!
Post # 2
SimpleCountryLife: she’s being passive aggressive. I’m a fire-with-fire kinda girl, so after she introduced me as “the girlfriend”, I’d hold my ring up and say, ” Silly FMIL! We’re *engaged* now! I’m his fiancé! ” All the while I’d have a huge, shit eating grin on my face.
As far as wedding plans, start yourself. Unless you expect them to help with money, then you’re in for a real treat.
Post # 3
I agree with Bagel, correct her right then and there. If she keeps doing it, people will realize she’s doing it on purpose and will reflect poorly on her.
Post # 4
SimpleCountryLife: Yeah both my FMIL and FFIL have referred to me as the girlfriend at least once since we got engaged. But to be fair my family has slipped too and referred to FI as my boyfriend. It bugs me too, it just kind of stings because he isn’t my boyfriend anymore he’s my fiance and I feel like that should be acknowledged! But I also understand it’s an adjustment to get used to calling me the fiance after years of introducing me as their sons girlfriend.
Post # 5
I still call my FI my boyfriend… I just don’t like saying fiance. This is just not a big deal to me, don’t let yourself worry about it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
I’m with MrsBagel. I kill them with kindness. Flash your ring and let it shine.
Post # 7
SimpleCountryLife: How long did you date your FI before becoming his fiance? I’m not asking this in a mean way, because my husband and I dated a year and he asked me to marry him and we got married a month later. There are times I still call him my boyfriend in my head and I’ve been his wife for three months now! So sometimes it’s hard to remember, but I think your FMIL is being passive agressive. Just do what some of the other PPs suggest and correct her stating, “Oh I’m FI’s fiancee now!”
Post # 8
SimpleCountryLife: This is up to your fiance to fix.
You shouldn’t need to hint anything. Your fiance needs to take a stronger line, correcting her more forcefully; perhaps even having a talk with her in private.
Post # 9
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
SimpleCountryLife: I’d probably clarify in an affirmative way, but then I prefer to avoid openly contradicting my FILs and anyone else who I owe respect to directly.
FMIL – “This is X…the girlfriend.”
Me – *Massive smile* “Yep, we recently got engaged!”
Post # 10
I hate the word fiancé. I think it sounds so stuffy. pretty sure I called my DH my “boyfriend” the whole year we were engaged. And what wedding planning are you hoping to discuss with them? I sent my inlaws an invitation and they showed up. No planning necessary.
Post # 11
My ex FIL still introduced me as ‘the girlfriend’ when we’d been together 15 years and married for 10.
Some people are just idiots.
Post # 12
Just refer to her as “my future mother in law” a few times and see what happens.
Then ideally you need to engage in open discussion.
Ask her how she feels about the engagement. Ask her why she and her husband got engaged so young. Tell her why you think her son is so great.
If she won’t talk to you then you’ll have to leave it up to your fiance to sort out.
Post # 13
I would also correct her with a big smile so that she gets & if she continues I’ll say it in a commanding way.
In my culture we don’t engage so you are either a girlfriend/boyfriend or spouse & if there’s a ring on your wedding ring finger you are immediately presumed to be married.
Baal: 10 years married and he still can’t get it. I will be mad.
Post # 14
I’d correct her with an, “Oh, I’m actually his fiancée, but it’s only been two months so I guess MIL is still adjusting” and give her a Look. Then you don’t look rude to the other person, MIL looks like an idiot, and hopefully feels like one too.
Post # 15
If I were introduced as “the girlfriend,” I’d smile, shake the other person’s hand and say, “Pleasure to meet you, I’m XXX’s fiance Xu.” Then I’d stop talking about the wedding with the FMIL. If she’s not giving you money, then all she needs to know is where and what time to show up.