FMIL still introduces me as "The Girlfriend"

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

SimpleCountryLife:  she’s being passive aggressive. I’m a fire-with-fire kinda girl, so after she introduced me as “the girlfriend”, I’d hold my ring up and say, ” Silly FMIL! We’re *engaged* now! I’m his fiancé! ” All the while I’d have a huge, shit eating grin on my face.

As far as wedding plans, start yourself. Unless you expect them to help with money, then you’re in for a real treat.

Post # 3
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with Bagel, correct her right then and there. If she keeps doing it, people will realize she’s doing it on purpose and will reflect poorly on her.

Post # 4
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

SimpleCountryLife:  Yeah both my FMIL and FFIL have referred to me as the girlfriend at least once since we got engaged. But to be fair my family has slipped too and referred to FI as my boyfriend. It bugs me too, it just kind of stings because he isn’t my boyfriend anymore he’s my fiance and I feel like that should be acknowledged! But I also understand it’s an adjustment to get used to calling me the fiance after years of introducing me as their sons girlfriend. 

Post # 5
Member
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I still call my FI my boyfriend… I just don’t like saying fiance. This is just not a big deal to me, don’t let yourself worry about it. 

Post # 6
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

I’m with MrsBagel.  I kill them with kindness.  Flash your ring and let it shine.  

 

Post # 7
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee

SimpleCountryLife:  How long did you date your FI before becoming his fiance?  I’m not asking this in a mean way, because my husband and I dated a year and he asked me to marry him and we got married a month later.  There are times I still call him my boyfriend in my head and I’ve been his wife for three months now!  So sometimes it’s hard to remember, but I think your FMIL is being passive agressive.  Just do what some of the other PPs suggest and correct her stating, “Oh I’m FI’s fiancee now!”

Post # 8
Member
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SimpleCountryLife:  This is up to your fiance to fix.

You shouldn’t need to hint anything. Your fiance needs to take a stronger line, correcting her more forcefully; perhaps even having a talk with her in private.

Post # 9
Member
1201 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: A very pretty church.

SimpleCountryLife: I’d probably clarify in an affirmative way, but then I prefer to avoid openly contradicting my FILs and anyone else who I owe respect to directly.

FMIL – “This is X…the girlfriend.”

Me – *Massive smile* “Yep, we recently got engaged!”

Post # 10
Member
6749 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I hate the word fiancé. I think it sounds so stuffy. pretty sure I called my DH my “boyfriend” the whole year we were engaged. And what wedding planning are you hoping to discuss with them? I sent my inlaws an invitation and they showed up. No planning necessary.

Post # 11
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My ex FIL still introduced me as ‘the girlfriend’ when we’d been together 15 years and married for 10.  

Some people are just idiots.

Post # 12
Member
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

Just refer to her as “my future mother in law” a few times and see what happens.  

Then ideally you need to engage in open discussion.  

Ask her how she feels about the engagement.  Ask her why she and her husband got engaged so young.  Tell her why you think her son is so great.

If she won’t talk to you then you’ll have to leave it up to your fiance to sort out.

Post # 13
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would also correct her with a big smile so that she gets & if she continues I’ll say it in a commanding way.

In my culture we don’t engage so you are either a girlfriend/boyfriend  or spouse &  if there’s a ring on your wedding ring finger you are immediately presumed to be married. 

Baal:  10 years married and he still can’t get it. I will be mad.

Post # 14
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

I’d correct her with an, “Oh, I’m actually his fiancée, but it’s only been two months so I guess MIL is still adjusting” and give her a Look. Then you don’t look rude to the other person, MIL looks like an idiot, and hopefully feels like one too.

Post # 15
Member
1180 posts
Bumble bee

If I were introduced as “the girlfriend,” I’d smile, shake the other person’s hand and say, “Pleasure to meet you, I’m XXX’s fiance Xu.” Then I’d stop talking about the wedding with the FMIL. If she’s not giving you money, then all she needs to know is where and what time to show up.

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