- 3 years ago
- Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius
This is going to be long, sorry bee’s! I feel background is needed here for you to get the full picture, me and FI have been together just over 3 years and got engaged in October last year. We’ve always gotten on well with our future inlaws and me and his mum & sister have always had a good relationship (going to the gym together, shopping, dinners etc). The whole family in very firey and stubborn – including FI! So we have had the occasional little tiff but usually sorts itself out fairly quickly and we all go out to dinner or have a meal at home and ‘make up’ so to speak!
We spent Christmas with FMIL & FSIL and we told them that after much thought we were thinking of a private ceremony abroad, initially they were happy but they said that they really wanted to come. So we spoke with all out close family to see their thoughts, my parents and sister were really happy with our decision (they aren’t married themselves but together happily for over 30 years and due to us saving for a mortgage they thought it was a great idea) however they didn’t think they would be able to afford to come. It’s in Mauritius so they would need to stay for 7 days really (which also means they would be there for the majority of our honeymoon) and it was around £1,800 all inclusive (which is a very good deal, however still expensive). My sister just bought her first house last year, needs a new car and various things going to the house, my mum just retired which means only my dad is working so all in all they just couldn’t manage it. FMIL & FSIL origionally said yes we can and want to come, it was a lot of money for them but they insisted they would put the money on the credit card etc and started to get all excited, looked and the place we were planning etc and all was ok. I was a little upset initially at the thought that only FI’s family would be there and not mine, but it was ok.
Roll on around a week later, we started to get all the quotes etc, FI’s dad & partner are well off so could afford it no problem, so we went ahead and booked it and sent all the details out to FMIL, FSIL & FFIL – the total amount for them was just £50 than we originally thought and all of a sudden FMIL & FSIL freaked out, said it was too expensive, they couldn’t come and that we needed to change our plans. We had our heart set on this place in Mauritius for months, spoke to our families about a private ceremony, then we book, pay the deposit and they aren’t happy. After much thought & discusisons we decided we would go back to the original plan and just have a private ceremony.
I am not for one minute thinking they don’t have a right to be upset, and that when you make a decision to elope or have a private ceremony abroad that you will be confronted by upset family members. However what’s done is done, we weren’t nasty, there wasn’t any big rows, we just want to get married alone and have a big reception when we return (for 160 guests, food, drink etc provided). Although upset about it I completely understood when FSIL was then too upset and disinterested in coming with me dress shopping, getting my ring designed, help with invitations to the recpetion etc (like she originaly wanted to), she was still upset she wouldn’t see her big borther and FSIL get married and I couldn’t and didn’t expect her to just happily come along. We have since ‘made up’ and are back to normal, however FMIL is a different story all together!
Not only has FMIL ignored every phone call and text from both me and FI since December 26th last year, but when I went to the house last week to see FSIL she completely ignored me except for a few words. She opened the door and asked where FSIL was (no hello or anything) and I explained I was 10mins early and she should be hear soon, she walked away and I asked her about her holiday and when she was going etc, she just said Friday and walked out of the room and left me sitting there alone until FSIL came home! This is very unlike her. We went to FSIL room for tea and a chat, then when I left I said goodbye and she just looked and me and said nothing. This behaviour has been frequent, when asking FSIL if perhaps it wasn something else going on and she was just in a bad mood generally and it had nothing to do with me she said no she’s been fine with everyone else, also she mentioned the night before when FSIL told her I was popping over she just said ‘Ok, still don’t agree with what they have done’.
Again – I understand why she is upset. I do get it. The advise I need is not really about what happened and if she is right to be upset/angry, but what can be done moving forward, do I just leave her to it? Do I continue to make the effort trying to call and ask her for dinner? Do me and FI sit down and talk it out? Do I get FSIL to talk to her? Not really sure what to do :/