- 3 years ago
My FMIL is a great lady but she is also super emotional and emotionally needy. Like she calls my FI every single day, multiple times. She tries to call me all the time too, except I don’t answer. If you don’t answer her text messages immediately she’ll start asking if everything is OK, if we’re mad at her etc. etc. It’s rather draining.
I love her but I feel like she wants to possess me. When we announced our engagement she wept uncontrollably and then hugged me and kept say “now you’re mine!!!!” which was disconcerning. She’s obsessed with the wedding, like super obsessed. I am certain she thinks about it non-stop all day everday. We really want to not be stressed out, we’re taking on as much as we can and having a very easy going attitude about things. She wants to know when things are done, updates constantly, if she offers to do something to us she’ll say “So I’ve contacted this person and they’re waiting for your call” the following day in the morning she’ll ask if we’ve spoken to them yet, if we say no she’ll tell us we need to call them ASAP.
She said she knew a guy who officiates weddings and she would we like her to ask him what his fees were. We said sure but also to keep in mind that we do not want a religious wedding. Well the next day she calls and says she’s booked him, that he is a religious guy but he can do a non-religious ceremony. BEFORE WE EVEN MET HIM. We had to decline the offer.
She is the one thing that is causing me stress really, because I’m not one of those people that wants to think of our wedding all day every day. I want to continue to live my life. She wants to walk me down the aisle, I said no. She wanted to give a speech (again she would probably just weep the whole time) and we politely asked her not to because we have 7 speeches and we just don’t have the time.
Another thing is she keeps telling us “oh I don’t know why people get so weird around weddings, you guys just do whatever you want!” but she’ll keep trying to interject her opinions of what we should be doing.
I’m Asian and from the very first moment I met her she made a few off-colour racial comments/jokes. I don’t get offended because I really do not think she means anything by it. She grew up north in a small town so I get it but she keeps doing things like that. She’ll send me a text and say sorry and that she won’t do it again but next time I see her she does it. She calls me her China Doll (I’m not Chinese). But honestly I’m not offended, I am however concerned that when we have kids she may say these things infront of them and I will get pissed off at that point. So we’ll need to have a conversation with her.
Let me conclude this with saying that she is a really lovely lady, she’s had hardships (that she likes to bring up all the time) and I get that her personality is different from mine. She really is one of the most giving people almost to a fault (she spends without thinking even though she should be considering retirement).
But I’m sure we all have FMIL/MIL stress and sometimes it’s nice to get it out!
Good thing is that my FI is totally with me on everything and that he’s always on my side.