(Closed) FMIL telling people they can bring guests

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

MY Future Mother-In-Law did something similar by insisting she “couldn’t cut her list down” to anywhere near how many people we allotted her (25 couples!!) 🙂  I stressed and stressed and stressed about this and at the end of the day, all it did was upset me… no one else.  My best advice is if you are OK with Future Brother-In-Law bringing a +1 at this point, try to let it go that she stepped on your toes to tell him he could bring her.  It’s terrible ettiquite on her part to do so and you haven’t missed ANYTHING!:)

I’ve been trying to keep telling myself that when our wedding is over, we have a lifetime of being with each others families- so unless something goes strongly against my wishes, I’m trying to be flexable.  Only you and Fiance know how upset you are about the additional +!.

Good luck!

Post # 5
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

OMG that would irritate the you-know-what out of me.

I would tell her how you feel, nicely, and let her know that she can not do this for every plus one that others may ad. What if someone else does this? What if someone calls her and asks her if they can bring someone, and instead of asking you, she just says yes? I’d nip it in the bud right now, and then move on from it. Unless she does it again.

You are not crazy. I’ve never heard that about out of town guests, and since you did not even know there was a girlfriend in the picture, how could you have even known to invite her? If she has been around for a year, wouldn’t you have heard about her at least once in all this time?

Post # 6
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I would be pissed. Make it clear to her that no one else is allowed a plus 1. Regardless of what the (rules) may or may not be, this is your wedding. I didn’t want anyone I didn’t know at our wedding either, and I really didn’t care what anyone else said. We paid for it, so I was able to say that we were and no, you can’t bring a guest since you will know 90% of the guest list already!!!

Ugh, i am SO glad I am only getting married once!! I would never do this again

Post # 7
2161 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like something your Fiance needs to address, and right away. 

Post # 8
3142 posts
Sugar bee

Meh, I think you’re over reacting.  But I think the same of most of the ‘omg…they invited a +1 without asking” posts.

I SEE WHY you’re upset but in the grand scheme of things, I think its a lot less hassle to let it go.


Post # 10
3142 posts
Sugar bee


Oh I don’t think worrying too many people will come to your wedding is any less valid than worrying not enough will make the journey, but in the end I wonder if it is worth your worry/effort/stress that this guy doesn’t want to wear his big-boy briefs and come alone.

But if your Future Mother-In-Law starts inviting the mailman, butcher and her pharmacist’s daughter’s sister, then you’ve got reason to worry! ;P

Post # 11
630 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Whoa…how bold of your Future Mother-In-Law…

Post # 12
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would be livid. Tell her there are no more plus ones. If she wants those people there, tell her she can pay for them to be there, because your guest list was set. 

Post # 13
5668 posts
Bee Keeper

Ettiquette does dictate that you should allow guests travelling a +1, however, your FMIL  has no right to say who can and can’t bring guests to your wedding, especially at this point when the guest list has been finalized and the invites had already gone out! Hopefully it was just this one instance with Future Brother-In-Law and she doesn’t try to allow other guests to bring +1s.

Post # 14
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yes, she should have asked you. But frankly, given that this is a family member, I think you guys were pretty negligent in failing to contact your FI’s stepbrother to find out if he was dating anyone seriously.

This is from the perspective of someone who is (together with my Fiance, of course) paying for the wedding herself, and having a very small wedding (approximately 50 guests). We decided that anyone who was taking the time and trouble to come celebrate with us ought to be able to bring the one they love as well, so anyone who was dating someone exclusively at the time we sent out invitations got a handwritten note inviting them to bring their SO (we used the SO’s name) and expressing our excitement at getting to meet the guy/girl in question. To my mind, it’s kind of bizarre to celebrate your love for your spouse by excluding a bunch of your friends and families SO’s.

Obviously different people have different opinions on this issue, and that’s fine. Just wnted to express mine. But some food for thought: maybe your Future Mother-In-Law is really hopeful and excited about your FSBIL’s girlfriend, and thinks they have serious potential. Better to be welcoming and gracious. What if they end up getting married?

Post # 15
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

as its the grooms stepbrother and you said yourself he lives some distance away and that would explain why you havent met his girlfriend of over a year i would have happily extended a plus 1 to him

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