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My FMIL and I have a good relationship but we're not very close. We have dinner at their house once a week and talk occasionally over email when one of us needs to know something. She has opted to get her hair done at her own stylist. I'm wondering if I should ask her if she wants to be there while I get ready along with all the bridesmaids and my mom and family, etc. Also, one of the bridesmaids is her daughter (FSIL) and will be invited to be there, too.
Are you inviting your FMIL in the room while you get ready? Or if you are already married, did you have your FMIL in the room with you?
I just don't want to exclude her but I thought I look to the hive to get a feel for what everyone else is doing.
You know, come to think of it, I havn't been to a wedding where the FMIL was in the room with the rest of us. No particular reason, but she wasn't there.
My MIL was off doing her own thing, so I didn't invite her, it would of been super awkward to invite her. But, even though you arn't that close, you do seem to have a pretty friendly relationship w/ her so I think an invite would be a very nice gesture :)
My MIL was there when I was getting ready. Like you, her daughter (my SIL) was a BM who was also there. I wanted her to feel included. Every wedding where I have been a BM, I think the FMIL got ready with us all too.
It's not like she can really go hang out with the guys changing and getting ready so she is kind of excluded if she can't be with the girls.
ETA: My dad was with all of the guys getting ready for the same reason. He can't really be in the room with me and all of my BMs changing!
I didnt have my MIL there. I think a brides mom should have that moment and not have to share it with the FMIL. Only my family was with me and his family was with him (one of my BM was my SIL as well). It just felt right for it to be the girls and my mom. :)
@AnnieAAA: I think you are right! It would be a very nice gesture!
@Mrs.KMM: Yeah, for sure. That is a great point. Since FFIL will be in the room with the guys, it would be nice for her to have a place to be, too.
@Baileyh: That is what is nagging in the back of my mind, too! Decisions, decisions!
When I got married we got ready at the venue (it wasn't a hotel) so there was really only one room for the girls to get ready in. I don't think my MIL/SIL got dressed there, but they were defiantly in and out of the room since SIL's daughter was one of the flower girls. Honestly I think there were quite a few people in and out of the room all day (bridesmaids, flowergirls, my mom, aunts, my grandma, SIL, MIL) but it didn't really seem to bother me. I don't even remember who all was there when I was putting my dress on, I was focused on other things!
When they were around they defiantly weren't intrusive and stayed out of the way so I'm sure that makes a difference. You might just offer a casual invitation that she's welcome there if she wants, that way she knows she can be around but doesn't feel like she has to?
ETA: Forgot to add, we also had a bathroom attached so it's not like anyone HAD to change out in front of everyone if they didn't want to. Maybe that made a difference too?
I am going to make sure my FMIL knows she came come by the room to check-in and get ready with all of us, if she likes. She's getting her hair done when we all go. I don't want to make it a "plan" to have her join us since she probably would appreciate having flexibility to see her son when she wants that day as well. But, I think it would be a nice feeling to know she's wanted with us anytime she wants to pop in. Just not sure how to phrase it exactly, but I'll figure it out.
As of right now I don't plan to have her there as we get ready, probably won't have my mom either. It is just not something I want to do is have either one of them there.
I am not, especially because logistically it doesnt make sense (hotel and reception far from my mom's house) and because she has two daughters so I would have to invite all three.
i was getting ready at the same hotel as my mom and mil, and they both just kind of came in and out when they wanted. my mil wasn't in there the whole time at all--she had her own make up person in her room for her and sil, but she came by to give me a hug and such. my mom was there more of the time, but my bridesmaids and moh were there most with me
I'll invite FMIL to the primping part (maybe not the whole naked to getting dressed part), but since Mr.ND is an only child, I want her to be able to have some of those 'girl time' moments with us.
I should state that I was getting ready at my apartment as well...so it just didnt really work in general. My two sisters and my mom spent the night with me and then that morning my SIL, other 2 BM, videographer and photographer came to the house (and by house i mean small apartment) so logistically there just wasnt room either.
On that note though, if i was at a larger place, I still probably wouldnt have invted her.
I have a great relationship with my FMIL so if she wants to be there then she is more than welcome. More than likely it will be me and a few girlfriends, my mom is OOT so she will likely just show up for the ceremony/reception.
No, I did not invite my FMIL to get ready with us. 3 of my BMs were my SILs but I am my moms only daughter and felt like it was a moment to be shared between the two of us. Once I had my dress on and started taking pictures, my MIL stopped by and we got some pictures with my MIL and SILs but thats it.
She's not. She is going to be with FI (he's an only child) Its her little guy's day!
I don't plan on inviting her. We have a good relationship, but I just don't want her there, and I think she'd rather be spending time with her son anyways. My FI and his guys are getting ready at his parents' house, so I think it makes sense. Hopefully. I don't want to offend her!!
Depends on if she needy or demanding... wedding day is YOUR DAY. nuf said...
I might invite FMIL to get ready with us. She's not exactly the sharpest dresser, or best hairstylist, so Im ight do it j ust as a treat for her. She is an older woman, 76 and she is so sweet like my Grandmother. I can't see any harm in it. just my opinion.
@Mrs.JDS: She is not needy or demanding! She is more quiet than anything and shys away from any kind of attention. That is true. She is so polite and kind. I guess I just wanted to see what others have done. I have never been a BM so I don't know who has been there while a bride is getting ready.
My mom lives out of state and my FI has all boys in his family, so I plan on inviting my FMIL to as many things as possible. I know she won't get to experience things like buying dresses and hair styling unless one of her future daughters in law invites her, so I want to make the gesture early and often. I figure it's a great way for us to get close and to have a "mother figure's" opinion when my own mom can't be around.
I fully intend to invite her to get ready with me, my mom, and my BMs on the big day, though I understand she might want to hover around her first son to get married instead! :)
I didn't invite her specifically but she was there for a few moments here and there. :) I love my MIL so I was glad to have her there! My SIL's were both there as well, thank goodness because my one SIL is the only one taller then me! :P She helped me get my dress on without messing up my hair.
It wasn't even a question I thought about when we got married, I couldn't have imagined my FMIL not being in the room getting ready with me and the rest of my girls.
Much to my photographer's chagrin, I had both my FMIL and SFMIL (step) in the room with me in addition to my own Mom and bridal party. I wanted them to be part of the 'behind the scenes' part of my day, the important moments when I put on my dress, veil and got photographed.
While it was kind of crowded and a little crazy, I don't regret it one bit. Honestly the more the merrier, especially when it's important future in-laws. I'm so glad they were part of those moments so now we can all look back together on the whole day. Plus the reality is other than that, I barely got a chance to spend time with them all day since there was so much time devoted to taking husband and wife photos and so many other people vying for our attention.
I'm probably the only one here, but I'm not inviting either my FMIL OR my mother into the room with me. I'm going to hear enough complaints from my mom about the decorations, location, all the people there, etc before and during the day. And as for my FMIL, ummmm.... no. We're still not on the best of terms and I want the time with my daughter and friends to be peaceful and fun.... with a shot or two along the way ;) (What? I can have a shot if I want to! :P)
I'm sure my FI and the guys will come over before the ceremony to share in a drink and get a few goofy pictures of all of us "getting ready". (I'm pretty sure the girls won't kick him out if he's got something for us all to drink, lol).
While we were getting ready at the church, MIL kept on trying to come in, but we were spraying hairspray (extreme allergy to everything) so she didn't. Also, I felt that it was an important moment between my mom and I to have, share, and treasure. For me, that time getting ready with my closest friends and mom were really special and between all of us. Having my MIL would have made it uncomfortable since those moments weren't about her, but about me and my family. What's funny is that there's no pictures with MIL and DH getting ready in the atrium of the church. She's simply not in the pictures. I don't understand that more than her wanting to be in the bride's room getting ready.
@Zinzerena: Same here, neither my mom nor FMIL will be there. Mom's getting ready on her own at home, and meeting us later for photos after FI and I have had our first look and taken photos with the wedding party, so it would just be weird to have FMIL there. It'll be nice just to spend the morning with my friends.
If my FMIL wants to be in with me I would be happy to have her there =) she has probably done more for me than my mom has and I am closer to her than my mom, so theres no reason not to have her there (unless she wants to take the time to socialize or something). She will probably want to take a crap load of pictures LOL
I think she'd probably want to spend time with her son while he gets ready!
I think this is what's going to happen for my FMIL... she's welcome to come over, but I don't see why she would considering my fiance and his groomsmen and his dad will all be over there. And also her daughter is going to be one of my bridesmaids. I'd think they would want to spend more time with my fiance than me though, just because! So I'd imagine her coming more towards the end of getting ready...
I'm inviting my FMIL to be with us. My dad will be with FI so why shouldn't FMIL be with me?! Plus with her hubby being off with my FI and her daughter being one of my BMs, I would feel bad... Like she had no one to hang out with. :(
I'm not totally sure how I am going to approach this. Like some of the OP's have said, I am super close with my mom, and kinda want for the getting ready stuff to be just with her and not FMIL. I know I am going to cherish those moments with her. Don't get me wrong, FMIL is great, but we're not super close, and honestly, I'm not sure she would want to be there. FFIL is kinda...high maintenance...and I'm guessing she'll keep him satisfied, and hopefully quiet. I am planning on inviting FMIL, FSIL and FI's Grandmother to peek in if they want at some point before the ceremony, but I can't see them being there the whole time.
I'll definitely ask my FMIL. She'll feel left out and hurt if I don't. And if she wants to do her own thing, then at least I asked :)
Not engaged yet..but I would definitely invite his mom to be in there with us. I have a feeling we'll be getting married at the church his family goes to (my family isn't really religious)..so it would be weird not to invite her. She's one of the nicest people I know, and I love her a lot. Also, she has three boys and no girls..so like a lot of other people said..I want her to enjoy some girl time with us! I'll definitely be inviting her to pick out dresses and stuff like that too, when the time comes!
@hibiscusgirl:At my sister in law's wedding, my MIL (her future MIL) was there. All the family women were there, plus her bridesmaids and the flower girl.
@Zinzerena:hahha. At the very end (the dress part) it'll probably just be me and my bridesmaids.
Good question. I mean, I love her and I totally wouldn't mind, but I'll also be wearing leopard print skivvies under the dress so....hmmm awkward. Maybe she'll want to spend some time with her son. I hope.
I was definitely going to invite FMIL. The wedding's at a resort, so our families will be staying in nearby places (a couple minute walk). FSIL is one of my bridesmaids, so she and her mom will totally be at our place for getting ready, while the menfolk hang out at FI's parents' place. I imagine FMIL will go see the boys at some point, and my dad will come see us obviously, but I think it would be awkward to exclude FMIL, especially if FSIL is there. Of course, we all have a good relationship, which helps. If I thought they'd stress me out, FSIL wouldn't be a bridesmaid and FMIL wouldn't be anywhere near me getting ready.
Nope. She's been a big source of drama and I refuse to have to deal with her when it will be hard enough coping with the fact that my dad isn't here to walk me down the aisle. He died last year and I just want my mom and sisters with me when I'm getting ready.
I've been living with FMIL for the past 3 months (will be for one more month) and we get along pretty well so I'm really comfortable around her. All the ladies involved in the wedding will be getting ready at my house, hair stylists and everything, also she'll be in town from australia staying at my mom's house so it was never a question, just what was going to happen
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